Is it Hormones? Drugs? Or just the fact that I'm a woman? (and 13 things I'm thankful for)

I’m feeling all emotional/contemplative/nostalgic today. Not sure why, but everything is making me feel like I could just break down and cry – and I actually feel like I kind of WANT to. Weird, I know. First it was our hometown’s homecoming parade that got me thinking about high school, and how great and care-free life was back then. Then I read Jess’s post, and started thinking about how my life is so good right now, even if it’s not what I could have ever guessed it would be like. Then it was a song that came on the radio that was popular when Troy and I first started dating, and played on our first date, that got me thinking about us, and our relationship, and the great memories that we have together. Then it was Melissa’s post about all the things she’s thankful for. So I’m thinking I’m going to jump on the little band wagon and post 13 things (it was going to be 10 until I couldn’t stop there!) that I’m so incredibly thankful for, and probably couldn’t live without.

1. God, His Word, and my personal relationship with Him. I seriously don’t know how I could make it in life without knowing Him.
2. Troy. My soul mate, best friend, and the most amazing person I know. I love him SO MUCH.
3. Laughter. I love to laugh. And Troy is so good at making me laugh! Some days, I don’t think I could make it without being able to just LAUGH – whether something is genuinely funny, or I just have to laugh at the irony of something, or I just HAVE to laugh or I’ll explode. :D
4. Family. Mine, Troy’s… even if they’re far from perfect, I love them, and they accept me for who I am.
5. Music. I love to sing – most of the time I’m singing something. I also love to play my piano. It always helps to lift my mood… music has always been a big part of my life.
6. My almost daily walks with my sister. She and I were so alike before, but we’ve just gotten so much closer after I started going through all of this infertility crap. She’s so sweet and understanding, and it helps so much.
7. A place to call home. Even with all of our landlord troubles, I’m so thankful that no matter where we are, Troy and I have been able to make a home together – our very own place, our refuge from the world. It’s something that I dreamed of since I was a little girl.
8. My job (and Troy’s, too). Even though sometimes I don’t love it, I really am thankful for a job that pays enough for us to be able to have the things we do, as well as the ability for Troy to not have to work full-time so he can focus on his studies this year. Also for my awesome boss!
9. My country. I love being an American, and I feel so blessed to be born and raised in this great, beautiful place. It’s not perfect, but what is? God has definitely blessed our country.
10. Hope. What would I do without the hope of being able to someday have children, as well as so many other things I hope for? I would be lost.
11. Pictures! I love being able to look back at what we’ve done, where we’ve been, and how our life has changed since then. They are such a great reminder of the wonderful memories we’ve made… both apart and together.
12. My church. Once again, not perfect, but filled with such sweet, godly people that I can learn from, be encouraged by, as well as minister to.
13. Yes, and I have to say it. The Nest! The ability to get my thoughts out, and have people that relate to me and understand how I’m feeling be supportive. This place has been great.

cd 23

Well, it may be day 23, but I’ve got nothing to show for it. I was hoping maybe I’d ovulate on the same day I did last month (22) – but no such luck. Still no o – and something else hit me yesterday, too… I never got sore boobs this time around. So I’m not really sure what that means, but I’m not too hopeful for this cycle. In fact, I’m not expecting anything to happen. So here we are again, just waiting for AF to come again. Now, of course, I could be wrong, and things could still happen this cycle, but if they did I would be VERY pleasantly surprised. So, we’ll just move on and try again next cycle. I’m sure if I don’t o, they’ll probably up me to 100mg this time around, which hopefully will kick my ovaries into gear again. *Sigh* - and I thought it would be so fun to be able to tell our parents at Christmas… although I guess it could still happen before then – it’s only the end of September. But even if I ovulated this cycle yet, it would be the middle of October before we know for sure, and then, well, okay, then we’d still have 2 months to wait. So maybe… we’ll see. One day at a time, Cherie. God knows what’s best! I have to keep reminding myself of that.
In life not related to my reproductive system… I’ve been trying to spend more time with our youth group girls recently – and it is so exciting to me to see them opening up with me. It makes me hope that maybe after Troy graduates in May that we won’t run off to another church right away – I would really love to be able to pour some more time into the kids here. They are all great, sweet kids, and we can definitely see God’s working in their hearts, and it is so neat to see. I really hope that they will be able to look back at their time in the youth group as a time that they really came to understand not just WHAT they believe, but WHY they believe it. That’s really what we’ve been trying to get them to see lately – that even if they have all of their spiritual “ducks in a row,” that it really doesn’t matter how much outward good they do if their hearts aren’t in the right place. Their heart condition is what God really cares about, not the fact that they come to youth group every Sunday and prayer meeting every Wednesday and say all the right things and look the right way. It’s such a challenge to me, too, because if I’M not living like I should, and my heart is not in the right place, they’re going to see that and that could cause some serious problems. I’m hoping to have a sleep-over for them one of these weekends – maybe not until they’re on Christmas break, but they really seemed to like the idea. They all come from such different backgrounds and everything I think that it would help them to grow closer.
The smoke situation has not gotten any better, even with the vinegar trick, unfortunately. :( I even got excited and went out and bought a big ole’ jug of it… but so far it seems like the only thing that keeps the smell at bay is keeping our little window fan running constantly – and already, it’s getting pretty cold to have it going all the time. I’ve been trying to have it on during the day, but at night it’s just too cold. And as if the smell isn’t bad enough, we think that smoke is a trigger for Troy’s migraines. We’ve had this theory before, but since they’ve moved in he’s been waking up with them at night… so it looks like we’ll be moving again before too long. I’m having a bit of a hard time understanding why it worked out for us to be able to move here in the first place if it means moving out again when Troy’s in school, but I know there HAS to be a reason, even if I don’t have a clue what it is. Right? We’re going to talk to them and see what they say – just to let them know how unhappy we are with the situation (enough to want to move out), and see if there’s anything that can be done about it. BEST-case scenario they would do something to keep us happy, since, if I say so myself, we’re pretty darn-good tenants. We always pay our rent on time, we’re quiet, we’re responsible… what else could a landlord want? :)
Work is work… in fact it’s super slow today, since I finished everything I had to do for the week… um, this morning. Yikes. It’s going to be a long week!
Does anyone know anything about being a medical transcriptionist? It’s been on my mind a little bit lately. I’ve heard that it’s a great job that you can do from home with a relatively short training/schooling time. I found out that the tech college by us offers all the courses for an associate’s degree – online. Thought that might be something I could do with kids running around. :) So I was just wondering if anyone here has done it/knows anyone that has. Although with the proper set-up I could do payroll/my other HR duties from home… but that would take a very understanding/flexible boss. Who knows – maybe someday???
Mmkay, well I guess I’ve rambled enough for a few days’ worth of posts. :) Off to try and create some kind of job for myself to do!

I'm having an I-just-want-to-be-pregnant Day

Anyone care to join me? EVERY-friggin-ONE I know is pregnant (or so it feels to me), and I want it to be my turn. Is that so bad? Hard to understand? For some reason my body must think so, after all it’s the one that is NOT cooperating and it KNOWS what I want. Ha. Like telling my body what I want will make any difference. Why would it? Nothing else does. And it kills me that people don’t care about anything people my age have to offer except babies – I am of no interest to them unless I can reproduce. Why is it that so many women find it hard to communicate on any level other than the oh-my-gosh-your pregnant!-when-are-you-due? one, or the oh-your-baby-is-so-cute-how-old-is-he? one, or the oh-my-kids-have-been-so-lately! one??? Aren’t you interested in knowing about my work, about what I’ve been doing lately, about my interests, thoughts, likes, dislikes, ANYTHING – as long as it’s not about babies?
I really am learning so much through this whole infertility thing – and one major thing is that even after we have kids, one way or another, I never want ladies who don’t have kids of their own to think that I am any less interested in what they have to say – that their lives are any less interesting or relevant to mine just because they don’t have children. God, please help me to remember that! Yesterday I took some clothes in to the dry cleaners where I used to work, and my former boss was asking all about my brother's baby, and about my sister's adoption, and not until the very end of the conversation did she ask me how we were doing – and then it was like it was just an afterthought. People! There is life beyond babies!
I’m sorry, girls. I don’t mean to be such a downer today. I know that if/when we have kids, it will be so exciting to me, that I will be one of those moms talking about my kids all the time – but right now, where we’re at, it’s just hard to hear all the time. I know I’ve said this before, but I really am going to make a conscious effort to not get SO wrapped up in my kids’ lives that I can’t talk about anything else.
Anyway – Troy and I talked again about things last night – and he really wants us to start looking into the adoption process as soon as he’s out of school if we’re not pregnant by then. In a way it makes me excited, but at the same time, I don’t know that I will be ready at that point to give up on the idea of having our own kids. But I know that I don’t have to – we can still pursue pregnancy after we have an adopted child, but it may complicate things a bit, that’s all. Money, time, possible moving, ministry… I just don’t know. Again, sorry to be a bummer today, but I really just needed to get some of these things out. Thank God for a place to do that!
I haven’t o’d yet this cycle, and I’m on day 18 – but I’m not too surprised since I didn’t o until day 22 (or was it 21? Or 23? Oh well) last cycle. So hopefully clomid will work it’s little magic and make my body cooperate again. That would be swell.
So in other news… last weekend’s wedding went well. It was… interesting. Their pastor didn’t use the Bible AT ALL for the “sermon” – but he kept pulling out these illustrations that he had hidden in back of the altar. First it was sponges, and then it was his tackle box, and then it was a fishing net! We were wondering if next he was going to pull out a kayak or a rowboat! So it was interesting, and we found out that this girl (the bride) is only 18 and just out of high school – so we were all just really hoping it works out for them. But overall it was a nice wedding. And our song went well.
Things at our new place are not panning out to be as great as we thought they would be. We still love it, it’s so cozy and we really like it, but the landlady downstairs is a smoker, and no offence to anyone that smokes, I REALLY do not like the smell of smoke, especially in my house, and now I’ve been noticing already that when I come to work, I can smell it on my clothes (they just moved in downstairs on Monday). It’s terrible! Does anyone have any remedies for getting smoke smells out of a house? I’m about ready to try anything. I burn candles all the time, I’ve been using febreeze, air fresheners, carpet sprinkles, but all those really only mask the smell, I think. I thought about looking into one of those air-purifier things, because supposedly those help get smells out of places – but they are expensive, and we really weren’t looking to invest any more money in this place – since it’s not ours. I don’t know. Any suggestions?
Oh, one more thing before I wrap up today – I didn’t mean to be so long-winded! We’re planning a “friends cruise” for next October with a group of friends that we’ve known for a long time, and I’m SUPER excited! We’ve tossed the idea around for awhile now, but now it’s really, seriously, start-saving-now going to happen! Of course, if we got pregnant any time before, say, June, we couldn’t go, but at least if we DON’T get pg, it will be something to look forward to!
Thanks for listening (or reading?:) to my venting, ladies – I do SO appreciate this place, and the sweet girls that I’ve met here. You all are the best!

Happy Friday, Girlies!

t’s Friday it’s Friday it’s Friday!!!! I don’t have much time to post, but just wanted to say I hope everyone has a lovely weekend – and Jess, enjoy your vacation! You deserve it like no one else – especially after the week you’ve had!

We’re supposed to be singing in a wedding tomorrow for a guy that we kind of grew up with – he kind of dropped off the scene around high school – but he got his gf pregnant, and now they’re trying to hurry up and get married before she’s showing too much. The whole thing has been EXTREMELY unorganized so far – in fact, I don’t even know anything about the rehearsal, that I think I’m supposed to be at tonight. Ha! So it should be interesting. My brother is an usher, so I’m going to call my SIL after I get off work (it’s my early Friday!!! YAY!) and see if they know any more about it. Weddings are always fun, though, so this one should be too.

Happy Friday everyone!

Hmmm...

Well, it’s cd9, and so far I’ve had curiously high temps already. All in the high 97’s, and last cycle I was in the high 96’s/low 97’s up until I o’d, and then I was in the mid 98’s. So I’m not sure why that is, or what to expect when/if I do ovulate. Maybe just a side-effect of the clomid? Who knows. Today I’ve had some twinges by my right ovary-area, so there must be something going on in there, but I’d love to know what.
In other news, we had a good weekend. Saturday we had to take our kitten Isi to the vet because she hadn’t been using one of her back legs since Wednesday, and after 4 days and no improvement we figured it couldn’t just be a pulled muscle or something. So they did x-rays and found that she broke her little leg up by the hip. Since the break was so high they couldn’t put a cast on it, but they put it in a sling that she has to wear for 6 wks and gave her some pain meds and she’s doing a whole lot better already. It took her some adjusting to get used to running on 3 legs, but she’s doing so well now that I think she’s going to have to learn how to use 4 legs all over again after the 6 weeks are up! She’s such a sweetie, though – it’s just made her even MORE cuddly than she was before. She’ll do anything just to sit in your lap and purr (and she’s only 3 months old!).
Sunday afternoon we sat and watched while my poor, poor Packers humiliated themselves… so that was a bit depressing, but ah well, there’s a whole season ahead of us. Hopefully early on they’ll figure out how to play football again!
I went to a Pampered Chef party last night, and got a GREAT deal on some stoneware since I had a party last month, and get the past-host discount. 60% off! So I’m excited for that to come now. I really like Pampered Chef, and have even toyed with the idea of selling it when we have kids… but we’ll see where we’re at when that time comes. I may still need to work full-time, especially at first since I carry the insurance for us and everything.
Anyhoo, that’s about it for today. Boring Tuesday, I guess. It’s been so cloudy and rainy the past couple of days I’ve wanted so badly to call in sick to work and stay home all day… especially if Troy would call in to school too! But I’ve been a good little girl and haven’t done it. Tomorrow it’s supposed to get nice again, so hopefully that will squelch my desires to stay in bed all day!

Mr & Mrs Excitement, here

Once again I sit at my computer thinking, “Hmmm…what can I blog about today?” :) Life’s been pretty boring since Troy’s started school.
Let’s see… our day goes roughly something like:

7:00 AM – Troy gets up, showers
7:15 AM – Cherie gets up, showers
7:30 – Troy leaves for classes
8:00 – Cherie leaves for work
12:00ish-12:45ish – Cherie comes home for lunch, goes back to work
2:45ish – Troy comes home from classes, works on homework
4:00 – Troy goes to work
5:15 – Cherie gets home from work (except it’s 6:15 on Fridays)
5:15-9:00 – Cherie cleans up around the apt, makes supper, watches TV, grocery shops, goes running, spends time with the kitties, etc, etc, etc… basically anything to pass the time until Troy gets home
9:10 – Troy comes home from work
9:10-11:30ish – Troy and Cherie catch up on their days, Troy does any left-over homework, eats supper (since going to part-time he doesn’t get a break at work, so he has to eat when he gets home), watch Friends at 11:00, and go to bed

Now wasn’t that the most exciting day you’ve ever seen??? I know, sometimes I amaze even myself with how incredibly interesting of people we are right now. Seriously! :) Oh well, it’s only till he gets done with school – that’s what I keep telling myself, anyway!
So I’m on cycle day 5, and things are FINALLY alleviating a bit as far as AF goes. Thank GOD! But the clomid seems to be making me a bit queasy in the stomach this time around. :( I’m not sure why, since I’m just on 50 mg again, but of course it will be oh so worth it if it works this time. Bring on the queasiness!!! I’m hopeful, but of course, guardedly. I KNOW I ovulated last time, so why didn’t I get pregnant? And who’s to say that this time it will work since it didn’t last time? I know we’ve just started – and there’s really good chances for it to still happen – but of course anyone who’s been there will understand that it’s so hard to wait! GOD’S timing, not mine, right? Troy’s really hopeful… in fact, it was funny, because after I talked to the Dr’s office the other day, he asked what they said, and when I told him they were going to keep me on 50 mg this time he was like, “Awww, tell them to up it! We want a BABY!!!” It was really cute.
Well, it’s about time for me to wrap things up at work, so I hope everyone has a splendid weekend! Ours will be filled with wild things like laundry, homework, and spending some time with our families. I’m telling you, we are so exciting! Oh well. :)

Dear Old Auntie Flo

Ugh. Cramps. Bloating. Headaches. Oh yes, my friends, she has made her presence known with a vengeance this month. As if it wasn’t going to suck enough that I was indeed getting a period, she had to throw it in my face by making it the worst that I’ve had in a long time. I’m assuming it was because of the clomid, and actually, it’s about what I was expecting after the cramps that I had been getting all along up to this point. So needless to say, since we’re not pregnant, I’ll be calling the Dr. this afternoon about doing clomid again this cycle, starting ummm… today or tomorrow?? (AF came about half way through the day yesterday – does that count as cd1 or not?) I have to say that it really hasn’t been as bad as I expected – the 50 mg, anyway – as far as side effects, so that is a relief. *sigh* We’ll see what cycle #2 holds for us. If it’s 100 mg this time, it might be a little bit crazier.
Anyways – other than AF coming, the weekend was good. We spent a lot of time with my sister and BIL on Saturday and Sunday, and that’s always fun. We didn’t get to take the boat out like we wanted to because it rained all day yesterday, so that was kinda sad, but we still enjoyed ourselves at home – doing absolutely nothing! :) Troy had classes in the morning, so I went with him and shopped while he was in classes, and then we came home and didn’t do anything else all day. I made supper while Troy got some reading done, and we watched TV and movies until 11:30 and went to bed. It was actually really nice, just to be home and together. Those days will be pretty few and far between now that school has started.
So, I hope everyone else had a great weekend! Yay for short work-weeks! I’m off to catch up on blogs. :)