It's almost Christmas!

First things first, I just have to say that this place is full of a lot of sweet girls who really care, and I think that is just wonderful. Thank you all for your kind words and thoughts sent my way. God only knows why we – or anyone else for that matter – are going through this, but I just have to try SO HARD to keep trusting Him. It’s just that, though. It’s so hard. I question Him over and over again. I want to know why we were chosen to go through this. And I want it to be over – NOW, no questions asked. But obviously that is not going to happen soon, and I just have to try to make the best of it.

On to happier things… I have good news! As of Tuesday night I’m done with my Christmas shopping! Well, actually I still have a couple of things to pick up, but they’re for my family’s Christmas, and we’re not having that until the 6th of January, so I have time. And beside that it’s just my BIL and dad, and we know what we’re getting them.
I am so excited about Troy’s presents! He is seriously so easy to buy for – he’s interested in so many different things, and, really, he’s just a big kid at heart. :) So every year I have a hard time deciding what NOT to get him. I’ll have to tell you girls about it after Christmas, just in case he reads this before then. He just might be the one to come here looking for clues! :) So yeah, we’re doing our little Christmas together – just the 2 of us – tomorrow, complete with gift opening and a fancy dinner and a Christmas movie. Should be lots of fun. Then Sunday morning is our program at church, with the play, and then we’ll go to our candlelight service in the evening, and then to Troy’s parents for stockings. Then Monday morning we’ll go back out there to open gifts and have dinner and just hang out together as a family. It’s always lots of fun – and no stress, because there’s no kids on his side yet, and no pressure on us since they know our situation. Thank God.

Well, I truly hope you ladies have the most wonderfulest of Christmases! You all deserve it! I probably won’t be around much next week because I’ll be extremely busy since it’s a short week and I have payroll to run, and my boss will be gone, and the other lady whose backup I am will be on vacation too. Is that enough to do? :) Hopefully I can still find time to check in though. Hugs to you all!

Disappointment. Again. Ugh.

I had a rough weekend. Saturday started by my temp dropping and me getting my period. I had tried so hard not to get my hopes up this cycle, but somewhere between ovulation (which DID for sure happen, btw) and when AF showed, I had let it happen. I was devastated. I don’t know if it was because of Christmas, or because after this we’ll only have 2 or 3 cycles of clomid left to try, or exactly why, but for some reason this cycle has been the hardest yet. I just can’t pick myself up. I know that there is a reason for this. I know that we’ll have our family someday. I know that me stressing about it isn’t going to help matters any. But I can’t help it. It just hurts so much. I’ve been so guarded about getting too down about things, trying my hardest to keep a happy face on… but I just don’t really want to anymore. I hurt, and I don’t want to have to act like everything’s just peachy when it’s really, really not. But I don’t like not being happy. I love to laugh, to enjoy life, to count my blessings… but when I just don’t feel like doing those things, that alone makes me feel even more depressed. See the vicious cycle here?
Troy and I decided that I would take a month off of clomid this time around, just to give my body a break, and also because of the money - being around Christmas the budget is a little tighter. I was ready for a break, and yet of course part of me doesn’t want to because of the feeling that we’re wasting precious time. But in all honesty, part of the urgency is gone now that I know we won’t conceive before the end of the year, and we won’t have a special “gift” for the grandparents at Christmas. Sounds kind of silly, but I really was hoping to be pg by the end of the year. I don’t know why it made a difference, but it really did in my mind.
So anyway, our plan now is to take this month off, and then we’ll do our last 2 to 3 (depending on what the Dr says) cycles of clomid, which will take us to March or April, and then wait till May when Troy’s done with school and start seeing the specialist. After we see them, our plan is to see what our options are at that point, and then we’ll decide from there how far we want to take this whole thing/how long we want to keep trying. By July we’ll have been trying for 2 years, and I think, for as tired as I am of this already, I’ll be more than ready to be done with all of it before too long.
Pray for us, please girls? I’m afraid this Christmas isn’t going to be too easy. We’ll be okay, I know we will. But in the meantime, it just hurts.

A hurlde crossed!

Just a quick note to say that I just got a call from Troy and he just finished his last 2 finals for the semester!! Now only one semester left! YAY!!! And yay that I get my hubby for a whole 3 weeks till he starts next semester!
This weekend will be busy, busy with a play practice (we're in our church's kids' Christmas program this year - as the parents, ha ha) Saturday AM, then dinner with my sister, BIL, brother, and SIL, for BIL's and SIL's b-days, which should be fun.... and as much shopping as we can squeeze into any free time we might have! Wish me luck - I need all I can get!

Update and a confession

Well, I had this serious downer of a post all typed up, and just decided I didn’t want to post it, because I know I would come off as all depressed and it seems like I always blog here about the bad things that happen infertility-wise. I’ll just summarize it by saying that last night I had a hard night. Chalk it up to another learning experience. I just wish I didn’t get so dang emotional when people (especially people I don’t even know) ask me if we’re going to start trying soon. (And yes, if you hadn’t guessed, that’s what happened.) It led to a very awkward night, and a very sad me. But it’s over now, and I’m feeling better – emotionally, anyway.
Everything else has been pretty peachy. I’ve been kind of sick since Sunday, some nasty stomach bug that’s going around. Stayed home from work on Monday, which was good – I slept most of the day, but now I’m even busier at work this week. Payroll to run, and it’s the end of the year, so there’s more going on in general.
I have a little confession to make. <*whispering* >I still haven’t started my Christmas shopping. Um, yeah. Most people are DONE like a month ago, and I haven’t started yet. Isn’t that TERRIBLE? Troy has been a bad influence on me that way. I used to be so good about getting done early, and then it was like when we got married for awhile he dragged me down with him, and now it’s like role reversals. He’s the one ordering things online 2 months ahead of time. Crazy. So I’m going to be a bit busy this weekend, ha ha. :) And all of my shopping has to be done on the weekends, or evenings, because I don’t have ANY vacation time left this year, so I’ll be working right up until the 22nd. Hopefully we can find most everyone’s gifts pretty easily, and Troy should be easy for me to finish because I know exactly what I’m getting him already. Besides him, it’s just parents, 2 people on each side of the family (we exchange names) and the nieces and nephew, and they’re always easy! :) Maybe some candy canes or something for the youth group, and a couple other little things, but that should be it. Oh, and my family’s Christmas isn’t until the 6th of January, so that will give me a little more time with them.
Oh, and I have Christmas cards, and the postage to put on them, and a rough draft of an update letter to send with them, but haven’t done that yet, either. I’m thinking I might not go to church tonight. As much as I love teaching my little PeeWees, I really desperately need to get some things done. And if I do have anything contagious I’d hate to give it to them.

Take care, ladies, and have a great week!

Body, Mind, Tea & Snow

Not too sure what’s going on in my body these days. Today is cd24, and although I forgot to temp this morning, (I got up late) for the past 3 days it has been hovering right around the 98-mark. At the beginning of this cycle, it was consistently in about the mid- 97’s, then a few days ago it dropped to 97, then came up to 97.3, then 97.9, and it’s been right around 98 since then. Does the drop, and then slight increase indicate ovulation? I’m assuming it does, but it’s just throwing me off because last time I o’d, it really jumped (like 98.6 or something), and didn’t do that this time. I have had slightly sore bbs like last time I o’d, which is a good sign, and if I did, we had good timing. But I’m just nervous that if I DID o, it wasn’t very strong, because of the relatively low temps and slight, rather than strong, side effects this time around. Although, one thing I did notice more this month than any previous was the discomfort from my ovaries being enlarged. I could actually FEEL them by pressing on my abdomen. And they were like that for about 2 to 3 days, and now they feel like they’re back to normal. OH, duh, and the other reason I didn’t know for sure if I did o is because I never got a positive OPK. And I never had EWCM. What the heck? So… not really expecting too much from this cycle, once again. Oh well. One can still hope. And pray. And I’m doing a lot of that. :)

OK, I just remembered this REALLY WEIRD dream that I had last night. The president of the bank where I work’s middle name is Gaylord. Well, I’ve always thought this was really funny (think Meet the Parents), but I hadn’t thought about it for a long time. Well, last night for some reason I had a dream that he made an announcement that he was changing his middle name, and wanted suggestions from all the employees as to what to change it to. Weird, right? So this morning I had to get some papers signed by him, and almost cracked up as I saw him writing his name and remembered my dream! It was all I could do to keep from laughing! Ah, the strange places the mind goes when uninhibited by consciousness!

Last night was our Ladies’ Tea at church, and it went SO well! My sister and I hosted/decorated a table (which I think I already mentioned), so it was a busy, late night for us, but it was just wonderful. The program was done by a musical group from the high school that I went to, and they did very well. Sang a lot of really pretty Christmas songs. Then we had a speaker for a short time, and she shared some great reminders for us to remember what the Christmas season is all about. After the program, we went downstairs for the “Tea” part of it, and it was just so nice. The guys serve the ladies every year, which is just wonderful, and they serve a light dinner and each hostess makes her own dessert for her table. The lights are all turned down low, and there’s lots of candles and so many pretty decorations. I had made the favors for our guests (bracelets), so my sister made the dessert – a cherry cheesecake. Yum! A couple ladies that I work with came, and they both enjoyed it so much. If I get a chance, maybe I’ll post pictures of our table.

This weekend we’re having a snow activity with our Youth group (fun!) and then Troy’s company Christmas party is Saturday night, so we’ll be busy all day on Saturday. And every spare second that Troy has this weekend will be spent studying for finals starting on Monday, so other than our 2 scheduled events, I probably won’t be seeing a whole lot of him. One semester almost down, one left!

Once again, hope everyone is having Happy Fridays and wonderful weekends! Gotta get that Christmas shopping done!

A Big Catch-up Post with a lot of this and that

Wow, I have really been a blogging slacker lately! It’s been so crazy at work I’ve hardly had time to think about it, but I have missed my Nesties! And I’d blog when I get home, but I’ve hardly had time there either… so enough of the excuses, I’ll just jump into an update of what I’ve been up to.
Well, let’s see… our Thanksgiving was great. Spent some time with my grandparents, had lunch there, and then headed back towards home to spend a little time with Troy’s family before the day was over. Then Friday… let’s see, what did I do Friday? Troy had to work for a few hours, and so I got our Christmas tree up and some cleaning/rearranging/decorating done. Since we’ve decided to stay at the place we’re at for now, I wanted to finish putting some things up on the walls since I had been waiting on them in case we moved. Rearranged the bedroom, and I’m really happy with how it turned out. For some reason the way we have it arranged now it seems much roomier than how it was before. And we even added a bookcase! So that pretty much took me all day. Then we went out for dinner at Applebee’s and did a little shopping. Saturday we did some things around the house and saw my brother, SIL and nephew for a little while, and then went out for dinner with some friends to a fabulous Italian restaurant that we had never been to before. Mmmm, their lasagna was SO GOOD! Sunday was the usual, church and dinner with Troy’s parents, then home for Troy to work on homework. Let’s see… this week has been pretty uneventful. Except Wednesday was my 24th birthday. But I had to work, and so did Troy, so we just went out for lunch, and then my sister took me out to dinner, which was really nice. Oh, and my PeeWee class at church sang Happy Birthday to me, and my assistant brought in a cake with a candle on it. :) It was special! I did get some fun gifts. Troy’s parents got me… are you ready for this?... a telescope! Troy and I had been looking at them a few months ago, and I had told him that I could really get into that, and then I completely forgot about. Well, he didn’t! So when his parents asked him for ideas for me, he told them, and I got my telescope! I’m so excited about it. I’ve only gotten to use it once so far… it’s been cloudy every night, except for Wednesday night it cleared up just long enough for me to get a pretty good look at the moon. SO COOL! Seriously, girls. It’s just awesome. I am SO going to be a self-proclaimed science nerd. I have a lot to learn, but Troy got me some books on stars and such, so I’m going to start doing my research! I’ve always loved looking at stars and the sky, but I’ve never really been able to study them in detail and be knowledgeable about them, and now I’ll be able to! I’m a little excited about it, if you couldn’t tell!
Today’s been a kind of crazy day. We got about 6 inches of snow last night/this morning, so my boss didn’t make it into work, and I almost didn’t have a ride since I carpool with my MIL and she lives out of town. But (unfortunately:) my FIL came in just to give me a ride. That’s okay, as I said before I’ve been crazy busy, so I would have felt a little bad not coming. (Notice, I said, a little :) Oh well. It’s super pretty to look at though!
My sister and I did some shopping last night for our Ladies Christmas Tea coming up at church next week. It’s a neat tradition that we have at our church every year, where we have a special program with Christmas music or a play or something, and then the ladies all decorate a table, based on the same theme, and we have a delicious dinner. It’s a great outreach, since a lot of ladies from the community come out for it, and a lot of fun, too. So tonight I’ll be decorating at church for Christmas. I was thinking last night about how much I just love Christmas! Everything about it, the lights, the special occasions, the giving, the family time, the decorations, the smells… it’s just one of my favorite times of the year. Of course, it’s a little more bitter-sweet this year, because of the whole infertility thing, but I still enjoy it. A lot.
Speaking of the infertility thing… today’s day 17, and nothing yet. I’ve had a little pain during, er, um, the deed, so that makes me think that at least my ovaries are enlarged. But nothing else yet. I had a little breakdown on Wednesday night, thinking about how I’m another year older, and even though I’m only 24, a few years ago, I thought I’d have at least one kid by now. Sometimes I really feel like it doesn’t bother me too much, but then other times, like that night, my heart just hurts so badly. But Troy was just wonderful, and held me and let me cry.
Did any of you see Extreme Makeover Home Edition on Sunday night? The family was Polynesian, and I absolutely fell in love with their little boy. Big brown eyes, like I’ve always imagined Troy’s baby would have. So I hopped on Bethany’s (the agency that my sister and BIL are going through for their China adoption) website, and they have a program in the Philippines that I was very interested in. But the parents have to be at least 27, and I don’t want to wait that long. My sister said that Vietnam allows adoption, too, but Bethany doesn’t have a program there, so I might (possibly?) look into that. I don’t know. I thought I wanted to do domestic, at least for our first, if our first isn’t biological, but seriously, I fell in love with that little boy. We’ll see what happens in the next few months here.
My future SIL (Troy’s brother’s fiancée) asked me to stand up for her in their wedding next July, and I was thinking about how wonderful it would be to be about 7 months pg at that point. Ha! Who else would wish to be pregnant for a wedding? :)
My friend Amanda at work had her baby this morning. I told her I’d go see her, but I’m not looking forward to it. Seeing newborn babies in hospitals kind of gets to me, for obvious reasons. And I don’t want to get all weepy and make a scene. So I hope I can keep it together.
Well, this has been all over the place, but at least I feel like I’m all caught up since the last time I posted. Now I have to catch up on everyone else’s!
Hope you ladies have wonderful weekends!

Turkey Day, Survey, and other randomness that is my life

It’s been a while since I’ve updated, mostly because there’s not too much going on. I’m excited for Thanksgiving tomorrow – we’re traveling down to Chicago area to be with my grandparents, who we haven’t seen for awhile. We’re leaving tonight after Troy gets off of work and spending the night at their place so that we can be there right away in the morning to help with getting dinner ready! Then we’re leaving after lunch to come back and visit with Troy’s family a little bit. Then I have Friday off work, so even though I don’t have any plans, I’m excited to have a day to sleep in and catch up on some things around the house, and start decorating for Christmas. Maybe even do a little Christmas shopping! (do I really want to brave the crowds? We’ll see)
As far as ttc, it’s cd8 today, and nothing to report yet. Finished up the clomid yesterday so now we’re just waiting, baby dancing, hoping, and praying. :)
Now, I leave you with a survey…
1. Taco Bell, Chipotle or Baja Fresh?
Definitely Chipotle, since Taco Bell does not sit well with me… and I’ve never even heard of Baja Fresh
2. Worst police-related experience?
Wow, do I have a story. When we were engaged I got Troy a little hand-held bb gun that he had wanted, and we were going to leave to go somewhere, so he brought it with him to look at in the car. Well, he started acting like he was pointing at things and shooting at them outside the car. Can you see where this is going? Well, someone saw him doing this, and freaked out because the gun looked really real, and they thought he was going to go off on a shooting rampage or something! So they called the cops, and next thing I know my mom is calling me telling me to go to the Police Station because the County Sherriff had STOPPED BY OUR HOUSE to try and find me! I guess if they would have found us we would have been pulled over, frisked, handcuffed, the whole works. Thankfully that didn’t happen, and we got away with a little slap of our hands. Kids! :)
3. Would you track your kids with a microchip?
Um, no microchips freak me out.
4. Name a friend you have the most in common with?I’d have to say my sister. We’re pretty much at the same place in our lives right now, with both our husbands in school and not being able to get pg.5. What color are your toenails?bright pink!6. Do you know anyone in prison?
No.
7. Do you brush your hair with a comb or a brush?
Comb, most definitely!8. In your opinion, who do you think is the hottest celebrity?Oh, I don’t know. Brad Pitt is always smokin hot… not that I’m looking or anything!9. Describe yourself using three words:
Christian, wife, caring10. Favorite accent?Probably Australian – or maybe French? I don’t know.
11. Scariest movies as a child?I don’t really remember any movies as being scary when I was little. I think my mom was very careful with what we watched.12. Do you do your own laundry?Yes, all of mine and my hubby’s.
13. Favorite spot to be kissed?Lips or neck14. Shrimp or Steak?Steak, hands down15. Cubed ice or crushed ice?
Cubed. Crushed is so annoying when you’re trying to drink out of a cup and it keeps getting in the way!
16. Favorite 80's band?
Oh, I don’t know, maybe Bon Jovi?17. Gym buff, or do you think working out is over-rated?Somewhere in the middle? I love to run, but I’m not much for “working out” per se.
18. Which do you notice first, a guy's chest or arms?
Wha…?? Odd question. Probably chest first, since it’s directly under, um, HIS HEAD, where I would be looking!
19. Can you dance?Heck no.20. Favorite brand of beer?Yuck. Beer.21. Ever come close to dying?
No, although sometimes I’ve felt like it when I’m riding with Troy!22. How many things in your past do you regret?A few, but really, looking at the past with regret is a bit of a waste of time, don’t you think? You can’t change it now!
23. Have you ever felt like killing somebody?Actually? No. Figuratively? Maybe.24. Are you listening to music?
Yes, my Yahoo Launchcast station at work! Christmas music!25. Are you shy?
I am with new people. Not very good at the whole “getting to know you” phase.26. Does Hot Topic scare you?
Can I admit that I’ve never been in one? I guess that says yes, then.27. Do you shop at Hollister?Used to in High School, not at all anymore28. Do you support the war in Iraq?
Yes. Remember 9/11/01? Although, I kind of have mixed feelings about some things.29. Can you speak French?
No, unless you count the accent that I had to learn for the play that I was in my Sr year of high school. I was a French maid :)
I would love to learn, though.30. Have you ever baked cookies?
Um, yes, I make some killer chocolate chip cookies!31. Do you bake well?
Usually :)32. Do you want to move to another state?
Sometimes, but I do love WI and how we get all 4 seasons here.33. Would you shave your head for $900?
Probably not
34. Do you watch Desperate Housewives?
No. Our TV gets turned off right after Extreme Makeover Home Edition on Sundays35. Do you like planting flowers?
Hmm, well let’s see. I’d love to plant flowers IF I HAD A PLACE TO PLANT THEM!! (I can’t wait till we don’t have to rent anymore, if you couldn’t tell)
Happy Thanksgiving!

Here We Go Again

Well, it’s cd2, and I just got the okay from my Dr’s office to up my Rx to 150 mg and try it… again. I’m a little hopeful, and yet, not really. So just hope and pray the best for us, please?! :)

Busy day at work… we’ve got 7 people leaving in the next month or so (and in a company of 58 people, 7 is a lot!), and at least 6 new people coming in after that, so being in HR, that means a busy busy me. Plus I’m largely the one in charge of planning our company Christmas party, so I’ve been working on organizing committee meetings and calling caterers and all kinds of fun stuff like that. Sometimes I feel like I’m planning my wedding all over again! :) But that’s okay – I’d much rather do that than some of the other things that I do.

I’m so glad it’s almost Friday. Our Chicago plans fell through for last weekend, so we might go down there now this weekend. I asked Troy if we could make it an overnight thing, just for me, because my birthday’s coming up! So I think I twisted his arm enough last night (I didn’t really have to twist too hard:), and he’s even going to give me a bunch of spending money for while we’re down there! Aren’t birthdays great? It’s not until the 29th, but that’s okay, this way it will just be stretched out over a couple of weeks!

Ladies meeting tonight at church, and then home to do some serious cleaning, and that leaves a little time for catching up with my husband when he gets home from work!

The Easy Button

I really don’t have anything new going on, so I haven’t posted much.
As far as ttc, I’m officially just waiting for AF to come now, since today is day 30 and never ovulated. Arg. Don’t get me going. I have to call my Dr. – I think they’ll just up me to 150 mgs of Clomid, but I’m not sure. I’ll probably call this week some time.

I’m really starting to warm up to the idea of just giving up ttc and pursuing adoption seriously. Not right away, but definitely before too long. I don’t know yet for sure… there’s so much we haven’t done as far as ttc, but just the thought of dragging ourselves through month after month of NOT KNOWING whether or not all of it will lead to a baby… is not appealing to me. And as much as I would LOVE to be pregnant and have our own biological baby… I just don’t know if I want to put myself through all the heart break and uncertainty… I guess I just don’t know right now. Is it selfish to think that I don’t want to go through heart break in order to conceive? Am I just all wrong here? Cause if I am, any one of you who are farther into this than we are can just slap me upside the head and tell me to quit being so selfish/silly/naïve/whatever else you want to call me. I guess I’m just feeling so different about things than I thought I would at this point. I thought I’d be feeling even more heartbroken. Wanting our own bio baby even more. Am I frustrated? Yes, incredibly. But more heartbroken? I honestly don’t know. Every once in a while something hits me especially hard and I think that I am, but I think more than heartbreak, I’m just feeling so desperate for some sort of HOPE to cling to… or, I guess more than that, some way of KNOWING for sure that we WILL have a baby, and soon. And adoption is so appealing to me in that regard because we will have something FOR SURE to be working towards. I won’t have to worry that we will go through years and years of waiting and treatments, only to still be childless in the end. To miss out on all that time of being parents. But I’m so confused about my own feelings, because part of me feels like I should want to try harder for our own baby… to give that baby a chance.
This is SO HARD. So complicated. And why? Why does something that should be so un-complicated have to be this way? You know what I could use right now? An Easy Button. You know those Staples commercials, just hit the Easy Button? Well where’s my Easy Button when I need it?
Sure, I’d love to get pregnant!
Just hit the Easy Button!
What, you can give me a baby right now?
Just hit the Easy Button!
You know, I could really use some help making this decision about whether to continue ttc or start adoption.
Just hit the Easy Button!

Wow, wouldn’t that be nice?

Oh, I do have one other piece of news. They finished our wall! Saturday he put the finishing touches on it. It’s kind of rough – like you can tell he just whipped it up in a hurry, but at least now we have a wall, with a locking door. They actually made the wall into a bookshelf, so last night Troy and I worked on transferring a bunch of our books from one of our bookshelves that we already had over to the new one. It’s starting to look a little better, but I want to add some décor interspersed with the books to make it look a little nicer… you know, so it’s not just a bunch of stuffy old books.

So I guess this ended up being pretty long for not having anything to say. Isn’t that how it goes? It gives me a chance to think about things, and that can be dangerous! Anyways… I’d love to hear input on my thoughts from those of you who are also going through this, and have done it longer than we have. Did you feel this way too, or am I just crazy, or really different?

My Very Best Attempt at Being Cheery

Well, after my depressing post yesterday, I felt compelled to post something a little more upbeat today. Life is good, it really is, it’s just this darn, um you know, the fact that we can’t seem to make a baby, that’s getting me down sometimes. Yesterday was just a BAD day as far as that goes. I thought maybe it would get better as the day went on, but when I was waiting in line to vote, I was surrounded by cute little kids and babies, and then at the laundromat I was minding my own business and some lady decides to tell me that I should be thankful that I don’t have kids yet because she wishes she had waited longer before having them… all 3 of them. I could hardly stand it. I just didn’t say anything and got out of there as quickly as possible. What I FELT like saying was, lady, if you didn’t want to have kids, then you shouldn’t have had kids. Period. Some of us would give ANYTHING to get pregnant 3 TIMES – at ANY point in our lives. *sigh* Why can’t people just realize what a gift their children truly are? Some people do, I don’t mean to generalize like that, but it seems like the vast majority of people that can get pg without even trying don’t have ANY CLUE what a great thing it is.

Boy, I’m not doing very good at being up beat today, am I? Okay… upbeat, upbeat, upbeat… ummm, we’re going to Chicago this weekend! You know I mentioned Troy’s little model airplane selling escapade that he’s doing? He ordered a bunch of them from China, and now we have to go to Chicago to pick them up. I’m so excited! I really really like Chicago. Unfortunately it’s just a day thing (we’re only about 2 hours from Chicago), not even overnight, but that’s okay. It will be a fun day with just the 2 of us. I can’t wait to do some shopping! :)

Hope you ladies are all having a great Wednesday. 2 more days till Friday!!!

So tired of this

Still no O. And I don’t think there’s going to be one this cycle. It’s already day 23, and nothing. N-O-T-H-I-N-G. What is wrong with my body? I can’t even get an egg on medication! I’m just so sick of this already. And I feel completely powerless, because even the things that I’m trying to do to make things work aren’t working.
Not even a year and a half that we’re into this… and already I’m just ready to be done with it. I just want to have sex for the sake of having sex. I want to actually have a GOOD morning for once, instead of waiting to see those numbers spike, and it never happens, and being completely disappointed before I even get out of bed in the morning. I want to see two lines on SOMETHING. I want to feel morning sickness… a baby moving inside of me… see my husband talk to our baby in my belly… feel labor pains… be able to decide which features of our baby look like which one of us… be able to breast feed my baby naturally… and SO many more things that I want, and I’m beginning to think I’ll never have.

One by one, month by month, all the hopes and dreams I ever had of having a baby of our own are going down the drain.

Is this really happening? Can’t it all just be a really long, REALLY BAD dream? When will it end?

I’m so tired of it.

Jumping on the Bandwagon

I’m going to echo Jessica, here. In honor of National Infertility Awareness Week, I’m requesting each of you to go to RESOLVE.org (click here) and if there is no insurance coverage for infertility treatments in your state, send your representatives a letter requesting that they introduce legislation to have coverage. Then all you have to do is fill out your name, address, check a couple of boxes, and they will do all the rest for you. This may seem like a small thing, but for those of us going through it whose insurance doesn’t cover anything, it would mean a lot. Personally, I know that we would do more infertility treatments if insurance covered them. It’s a sad thought that we may not be able to have a bio baby because of money, and having insurance coverage would change that. So it actually is a pretty big deal. So take a couple of minutes to fill it out and do your good deed for the day! ;) We infertiles thank you!

Speaking of IF, still no O for me yet. I know I may have a few days to wait, but I’m getting impatient! I still haven’t had any side effects, and I guess I’m just so afraid that it’s not going to work this month either, that we’re just flushing more time and money down the toilet. Pray that my ovaries cooperate and I can at LEAST ovulate this month!!!

But I DO have some good news! They started putting our wall up last night! And he was supposed to be working on it again this morning while I’m at work, so I’m hoping that it will be a good chunk of the way done when I get home this afternoon. Also, another place opened up that might be a possibility if this wall-thing doesn’t help. It’s a house that one of the ladies-I-work-with-’s parents own. We’re going to go look at it, maybe later this week. Probably wouldn’t move until the end of December if we do, but at least we could know that something else was out there that would work out. The only thing is that it’s about 15 minutes out of town, so it would be farther for Troy to go to school. I could deal with a 15 minute commute to work, I’ve done that before, but I just don’t want to put more time-pressures on my hubby for school. But he said he didn’t think he would mind, so we’ll see what we think when we look at it. :) Keep your fingers crossed for us!

Whew! Crazy Day!

I so wanted to post yesterday, but I’ve been so busy the past 2 days I haven’t had a chance! Didn't I tell you that my job is like that - crazy one minute and then bored to tears the next? Well, this week has proved that.So, quick recap of what I was going to post yesterday:1. I was in a bit of a car accident on Tuesday night. Ha ha. Okay, what kind of freaking moron would actually get in an accident with a PARKED CAR??? Oh yeah, that’s right, that would be me. Monday night I was backing out of our driveway, and we live on a corner. Well, someone started turning onto our street just as I started backing out, so I wanted to do it quickly. In my haste, I sort of neglected to look behind me, and backed RIGHT into the side of a parked car on the other side of the road! IDIOT! (think Napoleon Dynamite) So I pulled back into the driveway and ran up to tell Troy what happened. The damage really wasn’t that bad, and the car that I hit wasn’t exactly in perfect condition anyway. But he thought it would be best to leave a note with our names and phone numbers just to do the right thing. So I did, and then a couple of hours later we saw the guy outside looking at his car, so we ran out. He thanked us for leaving the note, and said not to worry about it right then. (It was like 11:30 PM at this point) He said he’d just call us in the morning or something. But he never called! So it really could have been much worse. My red Cavalier is now the proud new owner of some grey paint scrapes on the back passenger side… but it could be much worse. We’re not going to bother paying our deductible to get it fixed since we’re planning on getting a new car next summer anyway. :) I know, I’ll be driving a jalopy around until then. Oh well.
2. I got flowers at work from Troy on Tuesday! They’re so pretty – they have Hershey Kisses in them on “stems” – kind of hard to explain, but really cute. See, Troy and I have this kind of joke running for the past few years that since he thinks that Sweetest Day is a crock, he doesn’t get me anything that day, but a couple of years ago when we were talking about it he realized how much it bothered me that he couldn’t just get me a couple flowers or a card or something, so he started “Un”Sweetest Day… where he’ll give me flowers or jewelry or something a few days or weeks after Sweetest Day. :) It always makes me smile!

3. Umm, what was 3? Did I only have 2 things? Hmm, seemed like there was so much more. I’ve been busy at work, like I said, because we’re doing our annual United Way campaign, and I’m partly in charge of organizing things. We’re doing a Silent Auction, so people are bringing things in to donate for the auction and I have to approve them and get them all ready and set out. It’s been fun, and it goes until next Saturday, so I should be busy with it until then. Although I’m sure a lot less busy now that it’s all set up.

So, I guess that’s about it. Hope everyone has a great evening! Tomorrow’s Friday!!!

I'm bored, bored, bored.

I finished just about everything I had to do at work today… by 11:00 this morning. This makes for a very boring day in Cherie-land, if you couldn’t tell. Unfortunately, with all this time on my hands, I don’t have much going on to post about. So you get a very boring post today, you luckies!
As far as ttc goes, today is cd9, with no symptoms yet. I want to check my chart when I get home, but I think my first cycle I didn’t get sore bbs until day 12. So it’s too early to be feeling ANYTHING, unfortunately. I want to FEEL things happening, so that I know somehow that this cycle is going to work. Even if we don’t get pg, I’d still like to o… that’s not too much to ask, is it? I was joking with Troy the other day that all these girls are popping out babies left and right, and I can’t even pop out an egg! We had a good laugh. :) Because if you can’t laugh about stuff, then you’re going to be miserable, right? So we laughed. I just want SO BADLY for this to work this time.

Ummm, in other news… let’s see here. Really, I can’t think of ANYTHING. How boring am I today? Troy made lunch for me today, so that was sweet. Usually we have lunch together, but I have to make it when I come home on my lunch break. Well today he had some nice chicken sandwiches all ready for us. It was nice. :) He’s all excited because, and I don’t think I’ve said anything about this before, but he LOVES flying model airplanes (such a kid at heart :), and he and my brother came up with this scheme to make money selling these airplanes. So they ordered a bunch of them from China, and to make a long story short, the first one is coming tomorrow or Thursday. So he’s like peeing his pants he’s so excited about it. (okay, not really, but he’s pretty excited) And today he got his mid-term grades back, and he’s getting all A’s, B’s, and a couple of C’s, so I’m proud of him. He tries SO HARD – really, he does, and school has never come easy for him, so I think he is just doing EXCELLENT. :)

I’ve got so much to do tonight. Isn't it crazy how life is like that? I'd give anything to be home right now working on this stuff that I have to do, but instead I'm stuck here, twiddling my thumbs... So, tonight I’m supposed to play piano for our nursing home service that our church does (I do this every other Tues), and then I have to go grocery shopping, plus I NEED to do laundry, and I wanted to run… usually the laundry takes 2 hours alone (at the Laundromat – we don’t have hookups in our apt), and I have to travel ½ an hour each way for grocery shopping, so that’s another hour and a ½ at least… and I have to be to Troy’s work by 9:00 to pick him up. Can you see my dilemma? And I wanted to watch Gilmore Girls! I’m hooked now that Lorelai is with Chris again, and Logan is supposed to be back tonight! But unfortunately I don’t think I’ll be watching tonight. :( Oh well. There’s life beyond Gilmore Girls, I guess. Ha ha. :D

Well, is this long enough yet? Are you crying from boredom? Because I’m about to, I swear. Help! Rescue me! Someone needs to post a survey or something!!!

I sincerely hope you girls are having a more interesting day than me! ;)

Life's short. Eat dessert first.

We rented Adam Sandler’s “Click” last night – and although there were some parts that I could have done without, it was a cute movie. It’s the kind of movie that leaves you feeling like you should be thankful for your life as it is, and take advantage of every second. Made me think about how much I love my hubby and want to let him know that – all the time! I’ve been feeling a bit frustrated lately because when he’s in school I do ALL of the housework – every last little bit of cleaning, dishes, laundry, cooking, ironing, cleaning out the cat’s litter, vacuuming, bills, etc, etc, etc… plus working my full-time job, and staying very involved at church. I do it because I want to make things easier for him so that he doesn’t get stressed out about school. Which I am fine with, when he is taking his time at home to actually DO homework. But when he uses his time at home to do things that AREN’T homework, more just like leisurely, enjoyable things for him, I tend to get more than slightly frustrated. Honestly, I don’t think he really stops to think about how much I do around the house… and if he did, he might show a little more appreciation, or at the very least feel obligated to actually do his homework when he is home. I’ve told him this is how I feel, but sometimes it feels like it goes in one ear and out the other. Don’t get me wrong. I love my husband IMMENSELY. Just this one little thing has been getting to me lately. So, all that just to say that the movie last night reminded me that, yeah, I get frustrated. We have our moments. But really, we love each other, and we need to be showing that – and enjoying the time that we have, because...
life is short.
And that’s my two-cents for the day.

Survey

1. If you could build a house anywhere where would it be? ANYWHERE??? Honestly, I’m not really sure. I think that as long as it was with my husband, and we can have kids to fill it up, I’d be happy even if it were in the North Pole. :)
2. What's your favorite article of clothing? Probably my most comfy pajama pants, although I do have a little black dress I just love.
3. The last cd you bought? Ummm, it’s been awhile, but I think it was MercyMe’s “Coming Up to Breathe”
4. What time do you wake up in the morning? Usually between 6:45 – 7:15 (I think I’ve mentioned on here before that I’m one of those people that hits the snooze about 50 times before getting up) Although, yesterday I woke up at 8:09, and I was supposed to be to work at 8:15! I called my boss and she said I could have the day off if I work Saturday till noon. I told you I have the best boss in the world! :)
5. What's your favorite kitchen appliance? My coffeemaker!
6. If you could play an instrument what would it be? I’ve always wanted to learn violin. I’m still entertaining ideas of taking lessons. And I’d love to be better at the piano
7. What are your favorite colors? PINK! Pink, pink, pink. :)
8. Do you believe in afterlife? Absolutely.
9. Which do you prefer sports car or suv? Well, seeing as I’ve never had either, I’ll venture to say that if I had to choose, I’d probably pick an SUV… although I like to drive little cars, so I’m not 100% sure…
10. Favorite children's book? The Little Engine That Could
11. What is your favorite season? Just one? Ummm, probably Summer, but I do love Fall, too, and Spring, and I love the snow in Winter, too… oh, I don’t know!
12. If you could have one super power, what would it be? Invisibility. That would be awesome. :)
13. If you have a tattoo, what is it? Nope, no tattoos on this girl
14. Can you juggle? Absolutely NOT – but Troy’s pretty good at it! :)
15. Name one person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to? Ooo, what a fun question. I think, probably my Grandpa G, since he died when I was 8, and always lived half the country away, so I never really got to know him much.
16. What's your favorite day? Day of the year or day of the week? Recently, the fave day of the year has been the day after Thanksgiving. Since my b-day is close to Thanksgiving, typically Troy and I take that day and go somewhere, spend the night, and just have us-time. It’s great. Last year it was Chicago, the year before that it was Appleton, this year I’m trying to talk him into Chicago again since we’re only 2 hours away and I just LOVED it last year, with all the Christmas decorations up and everything. Anyway – if we’re talking day of the week, definitely Saturday, hands down

sigh. what a weekend. what a monday.

Can I vent? Well, sorry, but I’m going to anyway. So as a warning, there will be a lot of whining done today. Don't say I didn't warn you! I love my life. I really do. I love my husband, my family, my church, my friends, my job. But sometimes I just feel so frustrated with… well, almost everyone and everything. Except Troy – he’s been my sweetie through all of this.
I was so set on not focusing on the baby thing… just try and let be what will be. But it seems like ever since I decided to do that, it’s been even harder. I’m trying, I really, REALLY am. But every time I’ve turned around something is reminding me of it and making me all upset again. Sunday, it was a friend of ours who got married after us, started trying about the same time, and now has a happy little 6-month old… asking us “how close” we were to having kids. In church, no less. Troy answered his question – told him the truth, and he responded with, well, we wanted to have another one right away, but our insurance changed and so we have to wait a couple of years now, so we know how you feel. Um, I’m sorry, but did you just say you know how we feel? He really was trying to be sweet and understanding, but really, do you really know how we feel because you can’t CHOOSE to pop out another kid whenever you want? I stood there, avoiding eye contact with him, and biting my lip to keep it from quivering. We left right after that conversation, and I didn’t make it past the front stairs before I couldn’t hold the tears back anymore. Troy asked how I was doing, and I told him not too great, and he was SO SWEET – just let me cry, and held my hand (as he was driving), and he said he’d give anything just to have ONE of our own, so it’s not fair for people to say they know how we feel when they can have as many kids as they want basically whenever they want. So that was our Sunday ordeal. Oh, and we had another little incident with my family. I’m not sure what’s going on there, but honestly, I’m starting to feel a little like my family could care less how Troy and I feel. And then today at work my 7-month pregnant friend decided to ask my how things were going with my “medical situation” as she called it, which, I do appreciate that she was sweet and asked, but am I wrong for not really wanting to go into detail about things to her when she REALLY. DOES. NOT. UNDERSTAND. how I’m feeling/what I’m going through? She tries to be sweet, and I really give her credit for that, but when she e-mails me saying “Just keep thinking positive! I know it’s hard, but everyone is there for you…” Really? Do you know it’s hard? Is everyone there for me? Hmm, sometimes it sure doesn’t seem like it.
I’m sorry. Whine, whine, whine. I know. This post has been extremely negative. I guess I’ve just been feeling a little beaten down the last couple of days. God is good – I KNOW He is, and I also know that He IS doing what is the very best for me. I just really wish sometimes that I could see things from His perspective. Don’t you ever wish that? God, what exactly are You doing, here? Couldn’t you test my faith a different way, please?, because I’m ready for this one to be over with. I always feel bad for saying things like that, though, because I know that, for one, He DOES know what He’s doing, and also, so many other people have struggled for so much longer with infertility. We’ve only been at it for less than a year and a half. Not very long, in the big scheme of things, but it still sucks.
Okay, that’s enough of the depressing talk.
On to the positive things from the weekend:1. Friday night at the mall with the girls. It was lots of fun – they really had a good time, and we’re planning on doing it again. I really love spending time with those girls. Makes me feel young, and yet old at the same time, because I’M the leader now, and it feels like yesterday that I was the one in the youth group, giggling and talking about boys. :)
2. Saturday. Just exactly what a Saturday should be. Sleeping in with my honey, getting the house clean, shopping, eating out, and ending the day with watching a movie. I just LOVE Saturdays like that.
3. Sunday dinner with Troy’s parents. It was good to be able to get away from the comments at church and issues with my family and just laugh and have an enjoyable time with them. They’re always good for that.
4. Sunday afternoon naps. Mmmm, I just love those.
5. Sunday service. Our pastor is out of town, so Troy preached, and it was such a great message. It just makes me oh so excited to realize how he is growing, changing, and becoming a man that I KNOW God is going to use so greatly. Can I just say, I love that man. Oh, and my Pee-Wee’s sang in church, and were SO CUTE. One of the little girls, who is 3, winks at everyone when she is up in front of the entire church. We always say a Bible verse that they’ve learned and sing 2 songs, and another one of the girls informed the whole church that “I know this song!” before we sang the second one. It’s all I can do to keep from laughing out loud! I wish I could get a video of them on here. You girls would melt! I love those kids. ;)
Um, and I guess that’s about it for a really long weekend recap. Oh, and I’m waiting to hear back from the Dr’s office about my chart for this cycle… and I started spotting on Saturday. The nurse said they’ll just up my dosage after the Dr confirms no O on my charts. Yay, here we go again. But we can hope for the best… we HAVE to.
Thanks, girls, for being here. <3

Hump Day Revisited

So, I realize that yesterday was hump day, but I had this whole post dedicated to it all typed up and then the Nest wouldn't let me post it! So, since I didn't have a chance to earlier today, I'm going to recap.
See, I was chatting with our maintenance guy at work on Wednesday morning, and he casually mentions that it was almost Thursday. Stupid me says, “Yup! It's hump day!” without really thinking anything of it... until he says back to me, “well, maybe for you, but every day is hump day for me.” AAAGGHHH!!! I just about died! I mean, it would be one thing if this guy were young, but he's freaking 70 YEARS OLD!!! I couldn't believe he said that to me! So I quickly resolved never to mention hump day to a man again. :)And that was my hump day post - condensed version. I guess it came out kinda boring this time around. Don't you hate that? Oh well.
Ummmm... let's see. I'll be calling the Dr tomorrow, since it will be day 40, and it's my early Friday, so I'll be able to update on Monday to let you know what they say. I'm hoping that they won't make me wait longer before giving me Provera or whatever to bring on AF. I took an HPT yesterday, just so that I could tell them that I KNOW I'm ABSOLUTELY NOT pregnant. What a surprise to only see one line. Ha ha.
I'm taking my youth group girls to the mall tomorrow afternoon, so that should be a good time. :)
And then on to the weekend! We don't really have any plans for Saturday, which is a very good thing. Troy's got homework to do, and I seriously need to do some cleaning around the house. Speaking of the house... the situation hasn't really gotten any better, except that they haven't opened up the doors since Sunday, that we can tell. Unfortunately, though, it still smells. :( But I got some great new candles tonight! Pumpkin Spice, so it'll smell all nice and fall-y.
Well, this post has been pretty-much all over the place, so I guess I'll close it off. I could tell you all about my family drama that we had yesterday, but that would take entirely too long and probably end up boring you to tears, so I won't go into details. Let's just say my dad was kind of a jerk and got me really upset, so I tried to defend myself, and he ended up apologizing, but kind of in a way that let me know that he thought I was still at fault. Mind you, this was all through e-mails, so there's kind of that communication barrier to begin with, and then it's all stretched out over several hours... ugh. Gotta love family, don't ya? I do, but sometimes it's just harder to act like it than others! :)
Anywho, I hope everyone has a loverly weekend! ;o)

The BIG TALK

Well, we did it. We had the big talk with the landlords. It all started Saturday night, when we came home from being gone all afternoon/evening. As soon as we walked in we could tell that our place smelled very strongly of smoke, and we could hear them shutting the doors downstairs that separate us from them. (Yes, you read that right. They had the ONLY DOORS that separate our apartment from theirs OPEN!!! – and this wasn’t the first time they’ve done this since they moved in) And since they live downstairs, and we live up, the smoke just comes right up the stairs like a chimney when those doors are open. No wonder it’s been smelling so bad! I just about came unglued! So after calming me down, Troy and I sat down and composed a letter telling them exactly how we felt about the situation. For one, our privacy and security felt VERY threatened – to say the least – and then of course the smoke issue. Then we went to a website that had landlord/tenant law to find out what our rights were as far as them opening that door. Basically, we could get them in big trouble for opening that door without warning us, and without a good reason. So we printed that and included it with the letter. We stuck it under their door Saturday night before we went to bed, and Sunday morning when we left for church, there was a note on our door from them saying “We are on the same page. Can we talk this afternoon after 4?” So, of course, we agreed to talk to them, even though we REALLY didn’t think they were on the “same page” as us. I was feeling pretty nervous about it all morning, but Troy and I talked about it and prayed about it, and after that I was feeling better. He just reminded me that we hadn’t done anything wrong, so we really didn’t need to defend ourselves for anything.
So 4:00 came and we traipsed down the stairs to talk to them, and they were very sweet and understanding, or so it seemed. They wanted to show us the circuit breaker box, just in case we needed it sometime when they were gone, so we did that, and then they brought up the situation. Well, supposedly they are going to be putting up a wall up at the top of the stairs with a locking door, which should help eliminate both the smoke and privacy/security issues. They told us they would start on it in about 2 weeks. So, basically we decided we’d give them the 2 weeks, but if it didn’t look like they were going to have it done that quickly, we will seriously start looking for another place. Troy wants me to keep my eyes open, just in case I see something that might be better in the mean time. We still have no guarantee that the wall will solve the smoke problem, and we are NOT thrilled about that. So right now we just have to wait and see if they make good on their promise about the wall and door, but I will definitely be looking in the mean time. I actually found a couple places in the paper that sound nice and I’m going to call them tonight. It couldn’t hurt to have something else lined up just in case, could it? :) And we will definitely be praying, also, because really, we don’t want to move if we don’t have to. And that’s that. What a surprise, more waiting!
Speaking of waiting… I’m on cd 36 today… with nothing. So I’ll be calling the Dr. this week and seeing if they can give me a Rx for Provera or something to get AF to pay me a visit. I just KNOW they’re going to ask if I’m sure that I’m not pregnant, and that always bothers me. DUH!!! I may not be a Dr., but I know enough about my body to be able to tell if I’ve ovulated (thanks to charting), let alone if I’m pregnant! Believe me, I WISH that were the problem! Oh well.
So, that’s pretty much my Monday update. Sorry if it was kinda depressing today. All in all, we did have a good weekend. We spent lots of time with our families on Saturday – although not enough time together :( – but it’s important to have family time, too! We got to be in the nursery at church last night, too, and that’s always fun for me to see Troy interacting with those kids. Still can’t get him to change a diaper, though! He swears he won’t change one until it’s his own baby’s! That’s okay, as long as he really does when it’s his – which I’m sure he will, since he won’t have a choice! ;)


P.S. Am I the only one posting today NOT announcing a pregnancy?

It's a good, pink day!

Do you want to know why it’s a good, pink day? The suspense is just killing you, isn’t it? Because I got a pink pen from one of the girls at work! Yes, it doesn’t take much to make me happy! :) It was actually just a coincidence that the pen was pink, but she had gotten it free and knew that I liked those kinds of pens, so she thought of me. That it was pink was just a bonus! So yay for good, pink days!
We had a good weekend. Got to see my brother, SIL and adoreable nephew on Saturday, and spend some time with my parents. Also, long story, but Troy’s truck has been broken down for a long time now, because he thought that the engine was shot. He works on cars, and wanted to fix it himself, so on Saturday he and his dad got the engine out and discovered that instead of a $300 fix, it was only going to be a $20 fix. Little bit of a difference there! So that was great news for us. Hopefully by next weekend he can have it up and running again. Yay!
We’re having special meetings at church this week with an evangelist, so that was kicked off on Sunday. So far they’ve been great. It’s always a challenge to me to be sharing Christ with people who do not know Him. It’s also always encouraging to see God working in the hearts of other people in the church. You can sense a great spirit in the church body.
Not too much else going on. I’m on cd… ummm… 30, I think. I haven’t been paying real close attention since I never o’d this month. Still temping and everything, because it could MAYBE still happen, but I’m really not counting on it. Oh well… I just want to get things rolling so we can start the next cycle. Any suggestions as to how long I should wait before calling the Dr’s office? I was thinking that if nothing happened before day 40 (AF or O) I would call to see if they could get AF going for me. I think it should happen on its own, though. Hopefully!
God’s been working on my heart the past few days about being focused on Him, and not so much about the baby thing. I know that there is nothing wrong with wanting children, in fact I know that it is a natural desire that HE has put in my heart… but right now there are so many ways that I can be serving Him, since He has chosen to not let being a mother be one of them right now. It’s a constant battle, and as I’ve said before, I’m constantly learning more through this struggle, this being the latest. God is so good to me, and there are a lot of ways that I can serve Him without children that I wouldn’t have the opportunity to if I did have kids, so I’m going to really try to take advantage of those and pour myself into them.
Guess that’s about all I’ve got for today. Hope everyone else is having a great Tuesday!

****

Update: One more reason today is a good day: Troy just gave me an early b-day present (my b-day's not until the end of November) - an MP3 player! I've been wanting one for awhile so I can use it when I run... and he wanted to give it to me so I can still use it while it's still warm! Awww... what a sweetie! I can't wait to start using it!

Is it Hormones? Drugs? Or just the fact that I'm a woman? (and 13 things I'm thankful for)

I’m feeling all emotional/contemplative/nostalgic today. Not sure why, but everything is making me feel like I could just break down and cry – and I actually feel like I kind of WANT to. Weird, I know. First it was our hometown’s homecoming parade that got me thinking about high school, and how great and care-free life was back then. Then I read Jess’s post, and started thinking about how my life is so good right now, even if it’s not what I could have ever guessed it would be like. Then it was a song that came on the radio that was popular when Troy and I first started dating, and played on our first date, that got me thinking about us, and our relationship, and the great memories that we have together. Then it was Melissa’s post about all the things she’s thankful for. So I’m thinking I’m going to jump on the little band wagon and post 13 things (it was going to be 10 until I couldn’t stop there!) that I’m so incredibly thankful for, and probably couldn’t live without.

1. God, His Word, and my personal relationship with Him. I seriously don’t know how I could make it in life without knowing Him.
2. Troy. My soul mate, best friend, and the most amazing person I know. I love him SO MUCH.
3. Laughter. I love to laugh. And Troy is so good at making me laugh! Some days, I don’t think I could make it without being able to just LAUGH – whether something is genuinely funny, or I just have to laugh at the irony of something, or I just HAVE to laugh or I’ll explode. :D
4. Family. Mine, Troy’s… even if they’re far from perfect, I love them, and they accept me for who I am.
5. Music. I love to sing – most of the time I’m singing something. I also love to play my piano. It always helps to lift my mood… music has always been a big part of my life.
6. My almost daily walks with my sister. She and I were so alike before, but we’ve just gotten so much closer after I started going through all of this infertility crap. She’s so sweet and understanding, and it helps so much.
7. A place to call home. Even with all of our landlord troubles, I’m so thankful that no matter where we are, Troy and I have been able to make a home together – our very own place, our refuge from the world. It’s something that I dreamed of since I was a little girl.
8. My job (and Troy’s, too). Even though sometimes I don’t love it, I really am thankful for a job that pays enough for us to be able to have the things we do, as well as the ability for Troy to not have to work full-time so he can focus on his studies this year. Also for my awesome boss!
9. My country. I love being an American, and I feel so blessed to be born and raised in this great, beautiful place. It’s not perfect, but what is? God has definitely blessed our country.
10. Hope. What would I do without the hope of being able to someday have children, as well as so many other things I hope for? I would be lost.
11. Pictures! I love being able to look back at what we’ve done, where we’ve been, and how our life has changed since then. They are such a great reminder of the wonderful memories we’ve made… both apart and together.
12. My church. Once again, not perfect, but filled with such sweet, godly people that I can learn from, be encouraged by, as well as minister to.
13. Yes, and I have to say it. The Nest! The ability to get my thoughts out, and have people that relate to me and understand how I’m feeling be supportive. This place has been great.

cd 23

Well, it may be day 23, but I’ve got nothing to show for it. I was hoping maybe I’d ovulate on the same day I did last month (22) – but no such luck. Still no o – and something else hit me yesterday, too… I never got sore boobs this time around. So I’m not really sure what that means, but I’m not too hopeful for this cycle. In fact, I’m not expecting anything to happen. So here we are again, just waiting for AF to come again. Now, of course, I could be wrong, and things could still happen this cycle, but if they did I would be VERY pleasantly surprised. So, we’ll just move on and try again next cycle. I’m sure if I don’t o, they’ll probably up me to 100mg this time around, which hopefully will kick my ovaries into gear again. *Sigh* - and I thought it would be so fun to be able to tell our parents at Christmas… although I guess it could still happen before then – it’s only the end of September. But even if I ovulated this cycle yet, it would be the middle of October before we know for sure, and then, well, okay, then we’d still have 2 months to wait. So maybe… we’ll see. One day at a time, Cherie. God knows what’s best! I have to keep reminding myself of that.
In life not related to my reproductive system… I’ve been trying to spend more time with our youth group girls recently – and it is so exciting to me to see them opening up with me. It makes me hope that maybe after Troy graduates in May that we won’t run off to another church right away – I would really love to be able to pour some more time into the kids here. They are all great, sweet kids, and we can definitely see God’s working in their hearts, and it is so neat to see. I really hope that they will be able to look back at their time in the youth group as a time that they really came to understand not just WHAT they believe, but WHY they believe it. That’s really what we’ve been trying to get them to see lately – that even if they have all of their spiritual “ducks in a row,” that it really doesn’t matter how much outward good they do if their hearts aren’t in the right place. Their heart condition is what God really cares about, not the fact that they come to youth group every Sunday and prayer meeting every Wednesday and say all the right things and look the right way. It’s such a challenge to me, too, because if I’M not living like I should, and my heart is not in the right place, they’re going to see that and that could cause some serious problems. I’m hoping to have a sleep-over for them one of these weekends – maybe not until they’re on Christmas break, but they really seemed to like the idea. They all come from such different backgrounds and everything I think that it would help them to grow closer.
The smoke situation has not gotten any better, even with the vinegar trick, unfortunately. :( I even got excited and went out and bought a big ole’ jug of it… but so far it seems like the only thing that keeps the smell at bay is keeping our little window fan running constantly – and already, it’s getting pretty cold to have it going all the time. I’ve been trying to have it on during the day, but at night it’s just too cold. And as if the smell isn’t bad enough, we think that smoke is a trigger for Troy’s migraines. We’ve had this theory before, but since they’ve moved in he’s been waking up with them at night… so it looks like we’ll be moving again before too long. I’m having a bit of a hard time understanding why it worked out for us to be able to move here in the first place if it means moving out again when Troy’s in school, but I know there HAS to be a reason, even if I don’t have a clue what it is. Right? We’re going to talk to them and see what they say – just to let them know how unhappy we are with the situation (enough to want to move out), and see if there’s anything that can be done about it. BEST-case scenario they would do something to keep us happy, since, if I say so myself, we’re pretty darn-good tenants. We always pay our rent on time, we’re quiet, we’re responsible… what else could a landlord want? :)
Work is work… in fact it’s super slow today, since I finished everything I had to do for the week… um, this morning. Yikes. It’s going to be a long week!
Does anyone know anything about being a medical transcriptionist? It’s been on my mind a little bit lately. I’ve heard that it’s a great job that you can do from home with a relatively short training/schooling time. I found out that the tech college by us offers all the courses for an associate’s degree – online. Thought that might be something I could do with kids running around. :) So I was just wondering if anyone here has done it/knows anyone that has. Although with the proper set-up I could do payroll/my other HR duties from home… but that would take a very understanding/flexible boss. Who knows – maybe someday???
Mmkay, well I guess I’ve rambled enough for a few days’ worth of posts. :) Off to try and create some kind of job for myself to do!

I'm having an I-just-want-to-be-pregnant Day

Anyone care to join me? EVERY-friggin-ONE I know is pregnant (or so it feels to me), and I want it to be my turn. Is that so bad? Hard to understand? For some reason my body must think so, after all it’s the one that is NOT cooperating and it KNOWS what I want. Ha. Like telling my body what I want will make any difference. Why would it? Nothing else does. And it kills me that people don’t care about anything people my age have to offer except babies – I am of no interest to them unless I can reproduce. Why is it that so many women find it hard to communicate on any level other than the oh-my-gosh-your pregnant!-when-are-you-due? one, or the oh-your-baby-is-so-cute-how-old-is-he? one, or the oh-my-kids-have-been-so-lately! one??? Aren’t you interested in knowing about my work, about what I’ve been doing lately, about my interests, thoughts, likes, dislikes, ANYTHING – as long as it’s not about babies?
I really am learning so much through this whole infertility thing – and one major thing is that even after we have kids, one way or another, I never want ladies who don’t have kids of their own to think that I am any less interested in what they have to say – that their lives are any less interesting or relevant to mine just because they don’t have children. God, please help me to remember that! Yesterday I took some clothes in to the dry cleaners where I used to work, and my former boss was asking all about my brother's baby, and about my sister's adoption, and not until the very end of the conversation did she ask me how we were doing – and then it was like it was just an afterthought. People! There is life beyond babies!
I’m sorry, girls. I don’t mean to be such a downer today. I know that if/when we have kids, it will be so exciting to me, that I will be one of those moms talking about my kids all the time – but right now, where we’re at, it’s just hard to hear all the time. I know I’ve said this before, but I really am going to make a conscious effort to not get SO wrapped up in my kids’ lives that I can’t talk about anything else.
Anyway – Troy and I talked again about things last night – and he really wants us to start looking into the adoption process as soon as he’s out of school if we’re not pregnant by then. In a way it makes me excited, but at the same time, I don’t know that I will be ready at that point to give up on the idea of having our own kids. But I know that I don’t have to – we can still pursue pregnancy after we have an adopted child, but it may complicate things a bit, that’s all. Money, time, possible moving, ministry… I just don’t know. Again, sorry to be a bummer today, but I really just needed to get some of these things out. Thank God for a place to do that!
I haven’t o’d yet this cycle, and I’m on day 18 – but I’m not too surprised since I didn’t o until day 22 (or was it 21? Or 23? Oh well) last cycle. So hopefully clomid will work it’s little magic and make my body cooperate again. That would be swell.
So in other news… last weekend’s wedding went well. It was… interesting. Their pastor didn’t use the Bible AT ALL for the “sermon” – but he kept pulling out these illustrations that he had hidden in back of the altar. First it was sponges, and then it was his tackle box, and then it was a fishing net! We were wondering if next he was going to pull out a kayak or a rowboat! So it was interesting, and we found out that this girl (the bride) is only 18 and just out of high school – so we were all just really hoping it works out for them. But overall it was a nice wedding. And our song went well.
Things at our new place are not panning out to be as great as we thought they would be. We still love it, it’s so cozy and we really like it, but the landlady downstairs is a smoker, and no offence to anyone that smokes, I REALLY do not like the smell of smoke, especially in my house, and now I’ve been noticing already that when I come to work, I can smell it on my clothes (they just moved in downstairs on Monday). It’s terrible! Does anyone have any remedies for getting smoke smells out of a house? I’m about ready to try anything. I burn candles all the time, I’ve been using febreeze, air fresheners, carpet sprinkles, but all those really only mask the smell, I think. I thought about looking into one of those air-purifier things, because supposedly those help get smells out of places – but they are expensive, and we really weren’t looking to invest any more money in this place – since it’s not ours. I don’t know. Any suggestions?
Oh, one more thing before I wrap up today – I didn’t mean to be so long-winded! We’re planning a “friends cruise” for next October with a group of friends that we’ve known for a long time, and I’m SUPER excited! We’ve tossed the idea around for awhile now, but now it’s really, seriously, start-saving-now going to happen! Of course, if we got pregnant any time before, say, June, we couldn’t go, but at least if we DON’T get pg, it will be something to look forward to!
Thanks for listening (or reading?:) to my venting, ladies – I do SO appreciate this place, and the sweet girls that I’ve met here. You all are the best!

Happy Friday, Girlies!

t’s Friday it’s Friday it’s Friday!!!! I don’t have much time to post, but just wanted to say I hope everyone has a lovely weekend – and Jess, enjoy your vacation! You deserve it like no one else – especially after the week you’ve had!

We’re supposed to be singing in a wedding tomorrow for a guy that we kind of grew up with – he kind of dropped off the scene around high school – but he got his gf pregnant, and now they’re trying to hurry up and get married before she’s showing too much. The whole thing has been EXTREMELY unorganized so far – in fact, I don’t even know anything about the rehearsal, that I think I’m supposed to be at tonight. Ha! So it should be interesting. My brother is an usher, so I’m going to call my SIL after I get off work (it’s my early Friday!!! YAY!) and see if they know any more about it. Weddings are always fun, though, so this one should be too.

Happy Friday everyone!

Hmmm...

Well, it’s cd9, and so far I’ve had curiously high temps already. All in the high 97’s, and last cycle I was in the high 96’s/low 97’s up until I o’d, and then I was in the mid 98’s. So I’m not sure why that is, or what to expect when/if I do ovulate. Maybe just a side-effect of the clomid? Who knows. Today I’ve had some twinges by my right ovary-area, so there must be something going on in there, but I’d love to know what.
In other news, we had a good weekend. Saturday we had to take our kitten Isi to the vet because she hadn’t been using one of her back legs since Wednesday, and after 4 days and no improvement we figured it couldn’t just be a pulled muscle or something. So they did x-rays and found that she broke her little leg up by the hip. Since the break was so high they couldn’t put a cast on it, but they put it in a sling that she has to wear for 6 wks and gave her some pain meds and she’s doing a whole lot better already. It took her some adjusting to get used to running on 3 legs, but she’s doing so well now that I think she’s going to have to learn how to use 4 legs all over again after the 6 weeks are up! She’s such a sweetie, though – it’s just made her even MORE cuddly than she was before. She’ll do anything just to sit in your lap and purr (and she’s only 3 months old!).
Sunday afternoon we sat and watched while my poor, poor Packers humiliated themselves… so that was a bit depressing, but ah well, there’s a whole season ahead of us. Hopefully early on they’ll figure out how to play football again!
I went to a Pampered Chef party last night, and got a GREAT deal on some stoneware since I had a party last month, and get the past-host discount. 60% off! So I’m excited for that to come now. I really like Pampered Chef, and have even toyed with the idea of selling it when we have kids… but we’ll see where we’re at when that time comes. I may still need to work full-time, especially at first since I carry the insurance for us and everything.
Anyhoo, that’s about it for today. Boring Tuesday, I guess. It’s been so cloudy and rainy the past couple of days I’ve wanted so badly to call in sick to work and stay home all day… especially if Troy would call in to school too! But I’ve been a good little girl and haven’t done it. Tomorrow it’s supposed to get nice again, so hopefully that will squelch my desires to stay in bed all day!

Mr & Mrs Excitement, here

Once again I sit at my computer thinking, “Hmmm…what can I blog about today?” :) Life’s been pretty boring since Troy’s started school.
Let’s see… our day goes roughly something like:

7:00 AM – Troy gets up, showers
7:15 AM – Cherie gets up, showers
7:30 – Troy leaves for classes
8:00 – Cherie leaves for work
12:00ish-12:45ish – Cherie comes home for lunch, goes back to work
2:45ish – Troy comes home from classes, works on homework
4:00 – Troy goes to work
5:15 – Cherie gets home from work (except it’s 6:15 on Fridays)
5:15-9:00 – Cherie cleans up around the apt, makes supper, watches TV, grocery shops, goes running, spends time with the kitties, etc, etc, etc… basically anything to pass the time until Troy gets home
9:10 – Troy comes home from work
9:10-11:30ish – Troy and Cherie catch up on their days, Troy does any left-over homework, eats supper (since going to part-time he doesn’t get a break at work, so he has to eat when he gets home), watch Friends at 11:00, and go to bed

Now wasn’t that the most exciting day you’ve ever seen??? I know, sometimes I amaze even myself with how incredibly interesting of people we are right now. Seriously! :) Oh well, it’s only till he gets done with school – that’s what I keep telling myself, anyway!
So I’m on cycle day 5, and things are FINALLY alleviating a bit as far as AF goes. Thank GOD! But the clomid seems to be making me a bit queasy in the stomach this time around. :( I’m not sure why, since I’m just on 50 mg again, but of course it will be oh so worth it if it works this time. Bring on the queasiness!!! I’m hopeful, but of course, guardedly. I KNOW I ovulated last time, so why didn’t I get pregnant? And who’s to say that this time it will work since it didn’t last time? I know we’ve just started – and there’s really good chances for it to still happen – but of course anyone who’s been there will understand that it’s so hard to wait! GOD’S timing, not mine, right? Troy’s really hopeful… in fact, it was funny, because after I talked to the Dr’s office the other day, he asked what they said, and when I told him they were going to keep me on 50 mg this time he was like, “Awww, tell them to up it! We want a BABY!!!” It was really cute.
Well, it’s about time for me to wrap things up at work, so I hope everyone has a splendid weekend! Ours will be filled with wild things like laundry, homework, and spending some time with our families. I’m telling you, we are so exciting! Oh well. :)

Dear Old Auntie Flo

Ugh. Cramps. Bloating. Headaches. Oh yes, my friends, she has made her presence known with a vengeance this month. As if it wasn’t going to suck enough that I was indeed getting a period, she had to throw it in my face by making it the worst that I’ve had in a long time. I’m assuming it was because of the clomid, and actually, it’s about what I was expecting after the cramps that I had been getting all along up to this point. So needless to say, since we’re not pregnant, I’ll be calling the Dr. this afternoon about doing clomid again this cycle, starting ummm… today or tomorrow?? (AF came about half way through the day yesterday – does that count as cd1 or not?) I have to say that it really hasn’t been as bad as I expected – the 50 mg, anyway – as far as side effects, so that is a relief. *sigh* We’ll see what cycle #2 holds for us. If it’s 100 mg this time, it might be a little bit crazier.
Anyways – other than AF coming, the weekend was good. We spent a lot of time with my sister and BIL on Saturday and Sunday, and that’s always fun. We didn’t get to take the boat out like we wanted to because it rained all day yesterday, so that was kinda sad, but we still enjoyed ourselves at home – doing absolutely nothing! :) Troy had classes in the morning, so I went with him and shopped while he was in classes, and then we came home and didn’t do anything else all day. I made supper while Troy got some reading done, and we watched TV and movies until 11:30 and went to bed. It was actually really nice, just to be home and together. Those days will be pretty few and far between now that school has started.
So, I hope everyone else had a great weekend! Yay for short work-weeks! I’m off to catch up on blogs. :)

Ramblings...

Have you ever felt like someone just climbed up on your desk and took a crap on it? Seriously!!! My former boss just came up and dumped off a bunch of crappy nothingness on me. See, she was our “HR Department” until they created my position as HR Assistant. So I worked under her for about 6 months, and then the management replaced her by an HR Manager with experience/schooling in HR… so needless to say, she has a bit of an attitude problem towards the whole thing now. She still has an excellent job as a Loan Officer, but anyways…I digress. So she has been completely out of HR now since about February, and we’ve been working on getting all the loads of HR files and stuff out of her office, and I thought most of it was gone, but this afternoon she comes up to my desk with her arms full and literally dumps it on my desk. BEAUTIFUL!!! So I’m going through and deciding what needs to be kept and what can be shredded. Lucky me!

Anyhoo. Nothing exciting to report, really, but I felt that I should post, because, well… I guess I just felt compelled. :) I’m on cycle day 28 today, and nothing but cramps (still!!!) to show for it. :p Not exactly what I was hoping for, but at least my temps are still up, so I know for sure that I did O. Yay! That’s more than I had last cycle!
Ummm… Troy started classes on Tuesday. Poor guy, he’s already tired. But he’s been working till 11 this week - it’s his last week for that. Next week he starts on part-time, so that will definitely help with the stress-level/time pressures.
I’m making Chicken Enchiladas tonight, and I’m so excited about it! I know, I know - it really doesn’t take much to get me excited, but it’s one of my absolute favorite meals in the world, and it’s been a long time since I’ve made/had them.
Aww, my mom just came to visit me at work! She NEVER does that, so it was super special! :)
Well, I think that’s about it. Not too much to say today, despite the impulse to post! Oh well. I am SO going for a run tonight – it’s just beautiful out today, and I’m going to take advantage of it while it’s here!

Monday

Today feels like such a… Monday. I’m tired, everybody’s quiet, and it doesn’t help that it’s about 65 degrees and rainy outside.
So Saturday I had a bit of a meltdown. It hit me like a brick wall when I was expecting it least. See, we had a little family get-together because my oldest sister and her family hadn’t seen the baby yet, so the plan was to meet at my Mom and Dad’s place in the afternoon and do dinner. (Oh – I just realized I never announced the arrival of my new nephew! Carson John came on the 14th at 7 lb, 4 oz, and is just beautiful! My brother is such a cute dad:) Well, they had never told us a specific time to be there, so just as Troy and I were leaving to go out there (we live about 10 mins from my parents) my mom calls and our conversation goes something like:

Mom: Where are you guys?
Cherie: We’re on our way, why?
Mom: Well, people are getting hungry and we were just wondering when you were coming.
Cherie: It’s 3:30! I thought it was going to be a supper thing!
Mom: Well maybe it’s going to be an early supper.
Cherie: I didn’t know that… why, is everyone else there already?
Mom: Yes.
Cherie: Well, we’ll be there in about 10 minutes, okay?
Mom: Okay, we’ll see you then.

Now, I’m not trying to disrespect my mother, I truly do love her to death, but was I unreasonable for being a little upset that they were pressuring us about what time we were getting there when they had never given us a time to be there in the first place? Maybe I’m the crazy one, but I thought “supper” is normally a little later than 3:30 in the afternoon! So that set me off to begin with, and then when I got there and saw the baby, it was like something snapped, and I had to go into one of the bedrooms and shut the door because I was BAWLING. Seriously it was like the sobbing, can’t catch your breath kind of crying that you do when you’re 5 and your brother just punched in the stomach you and called you a butt-munch or something. Only this hurt even more – on the inside. So my sweet sister was there for me and gave me a super long hug and let me talk and get everything out, and then Troy hugged me and of course I started crying again, but after that I was a little better. Still hard, though, like I was totally NOT expecting. I started tearing up almost every time I held the baby. And here I am at my desk tearing up again thinking about it. Man, the things you never expect seem to hit you hardest. And then I found out yesterday that another girl in our church is expecting again – her 5th. Yes, that’s right, I said 5th. And they weren’t even going to start trying for another month. And their youngest is not even 1. Five kids and she’s 30. Wow. That’s all I have to say about that one.
But my weekend wasn’t all bad – it really was great being able to hold that little nephew of mine – he’s such a sweetie, and also to see my other nieces and family again. And then at church yesterday they held a special service for Troy and 2 other guys who are going to school to become pastors to give them a “License” to preach. I guess it’s just a formality that isn’t done much anymore, but basically it’s just the church saying that they recognize God’s call on their lives to preach, and they support them in it. It was a really neat service, and then they had a little dessert reception afterwards. So that was special.
Okay, on to ttc news… now it seems that I did ovulate. My temps have been consistently high since Saturday, but they first spiked earlier last week, but went down a couple days between high temps. So I don’t really know when I o’d if I did, and now I’ve been having cramps for the last 5 days, like not just little ones either. So once I again I have no idea what’s going on, but I’m still expecting AF any day, since I’m already on day 26 of my cycle. My boobs aren’t really sore anymore (btw, my sister said hers were sore on clomid, too, and would get less sore right before her period), so that adds to my skepticism. But at least if I DID o, then I won’t have to up the mg’s of clomid. That means saving money, less crazy hormones going on, etc, etc, so that would be good news. We’ll see what the Dr. says!

So that’s about all I’ve got for today. We’re supposed to have a meeting tonight after work, and then it’s home to make supper, do dishes, and work on some laundry. I can hardly contain my excitement!

I'm going to put a couple pics of Carson in my gallery for your viewing pleasure. I don't have the ones from Saturday yet, but these are from the day he was born.

My husband makes me giggle :)

I just had to share this e-mail that Troy sent me. It totally cracked me up, and I thought that everyone could probably relate…
I sent him a quick e-mail first, and mine went something like:
“I miss you! I want you! I need you! I love you! I’m thinking about you! (if you couldn’t tell:)
I can’t wait to see you tonight!”

His reply was:“I miss you too! I want you too! I need you too! I’m thinking about you too! (in case you couldn’t tell)

I can’t wait to do it tonight!”


Tee-hee. Such a man. :)

My body must think it's funny to play tricks on me!

Wow - it feels like I haven't posted in forever! Our vacation was wonderful - just what we needed. I just love going on trips - I think I could seriously just buy an RV and become a professional road-tripper! Ha! And my sweet hubby surprised me by sending flowers ahead to our hotel room the first night. :)
Now, about the title. I'm at cycle day 19, and according to my temps I don't think I've even ovulated, let alone gotten pregnant. Grr... frustrating, but if that isn't bad enough, now for the past 3 days my boobs have been tender - so what does this mean? Just a reaction to the clomid? I don't know. I've never heard of anyone having that side effect from clomid - but I guess it's possible. I think my body just doesn't know what to do with itself right now, so it has just decided to play all kinds of tricks on me!!! I never had a positive OPK, either, and although I've had all kinds of little twinges down by my ovaries, I have no idea what any of them mean. So it's been a bit frustrating, and of course, disappointing, but I'm willing to be patient and try again next month. I know I've got nothing to complain about, considering we haven't been at this very long. Some people have been trying for so much longer and have been through so much more than we have... I have no right to complain.
So bring on AF! She can't come soon enough! Ahh, the waiting...

cd8 and other misc

Well, the anniversary was… not too exciting, but it was super nice to have some time just to be together. We did have a not-so-fancy dinner at Culver’s (fast food – they make the best Ultimate Grilled Cheese in the world!!! :) – and talked about some of the stuff that we’ve been through in the past 3 years, and laughed a lot. It was nice. I’m SOOO looking forward to spending all of next week together, like I seriously can’t even tell you how excited I am about it! It will be the first time since our honeymoon that we’ve had a whole week off together! So I think it’s pretty well-deserved. Oooh – and I forgot I was going to post a link to some of our wedding pics yesterday. It’s http://www.amdimaging.com/troy-cherie/menu.htm. We had one guy do our formal shots, and a friend of ours, who was just getting into the business at the time, did some of the behind the scenes type shots, which are the ones that I’m linking to. I really liked how they turned out, and I’m so glad we have those, too, and not just the formals.

So, on to ttc stuff – cycle day 8, and so far… nothing. Yet. No change in temps, no change in cm, moodiness, soreness, or anything. I guess I’m getting impatient because I was half expecting to have ovulated already because my cycles are normally so short. But for my first cycle on clomid, I guess I shouldn’t really be expecting anything. So, I’ll be patient and wait, since that’s the only choice I have, and hope and pray for the best. We’ll have plenty of time next week for baby dancing! :)

Tomorrow we’re going to take our Youth Group kids on a canoe trip – yikes! Pray for us! It should be fun, though. So tonight we’re going grocery shopping (Troy’s getting off early again) for lunches. And that’s about all I have for today. I probably won’t be around much for the next week or so since I won’t be at work. We’ll see how busy we stay at home – I might log on a few times, just because I’m addicted! :)

Where did I leave off??

Oh, that's right. August 9, 2003! I woke up to a bright, sunny morning after sleeping really well all night long. I was SO EXCITED!!! And I actually wasn’t a bit nervous, like I thought I would be. I had to get a couple more things moved over to our new apartment, so I took them over right away in the morning. The guys had slept there the night before, but were gone early to go golfing. So I got things situated and went back home to start getting ready. I showered and threw on a white shirt and jean skirt, loaded up my makeup and all the extra things that weren’t over there yet, and headed to the church. I had a friend doing my and the bridesmaids hair there, and so she got started on my hair right away. After hair and makeup was done, it was time to put on the dress! When it was on, and I was ready, I felt like such a princess. I loved it! So the girls had to get pictures, and then while we waited for the guys to get done, I had a quick bite to eat (still not too nervous!)… and before I knew it, it was almost 1:30. Time to go! One by one the bridesmaids that were waiting with me walked down the aisle, and soon enough it was just my dad and I. The music changed… and off we went! I can’t even begin to explain how thrilled I remember feeling at that moment – I was walking with my dad to meet the man of my dreams, surrounded by the people who we loved and loved us most. I didn’t cry at all, but I was smiling ear to ear the whole time! So we got to the front of the church and I remember my uncle (our pastor) praying what seemed to be the longest prayer ever prayed, after which my dad gave me away, and we finally got to be together! We hadn’t seen each other at all before the wedding, so the feelings were almost overwhelming as we stood there holding hands in front of the church. The ceremony was perfect, with a personal touch because of my uncle being the one who married us, and after the kiss and he declared us Mr. & Mrs. Troy Budreau, in that moment I think I was the happiest wife in the world! So we greeted guests, had more pics taken, and then were off to the reception. After we ate, cut the cake, kissed a lot!, and did some more mingling, we released doves, which actually was Troy’s idea and ended up being a very cool thing. I tossed the bouquet, and before long, we were off to the hotel! (we opted to not have a dance, per my parents’ and the church’s wishes.) The wedding night… well, let’s just leave that one alone… :) …So Sunday was gift-opening at Troy’s parents house, which was fun and yet tedious towards the end! But we were just overwhelmed with people’s generosity. It was amazing! And then after lunch, and going home to pack, we were off for a week to Michigan and Mackinac Island. Our honeymoon was just what we needed – lots of relaxing, swimming, sightseeing, and just loving every second of being together. We felt like kids in puppy love again! It was so much fun. I laughed so much that week! We came back the following Sunday afternoon and started getting settled into our new home and life. I didn’t work for a month and a half after the wedding, and those days were so precious. Troy would work until 2 or 3 and then come home and we would take walks, or play tennis, or go shopping and out to dinner… it was wonderful. That’s why I can’t wait until Troy’s done with school! I miss those evenings so much. It was such a wonderful time of our lives that I will never forget! Ahhh… it’s so much fun to think about all those memories.
So today is the anniversary, and yay! Troy gets done with work at 5:30 tonight! So we’re probably going to have dinner at home, and other than that we don’t have anything exciting planned. I have to teach my Pee-Wees tonight, so he’ll probably come to church with me. We’re planning on celebrating our anniversary next week, because we both have off work all week (BIG YAY!) and we will be going to Michigan again to get away for a few days. No second honeymoon, but it should still be really nice. :) I found a great card for him at Hallmark last night, so I wrote a nice sappy note in there for him. I love being all mushy-gushy like that on occasion! So that’s about it. We’re not exchanging gifts because for one, his school down payment is due next week and we’re trying to save $$$, and two, we aren’t going to have a whole lot of time tonight. But that’s okay – it’ll be nice just to be able to be together.

Well, I’m off to finish payroll. I hope everyone else has a splendid Wednesday!

Cycle Day 6...

… and day 4 of clomid, and so far so good. Nothing too different, yet, actually. I’m supposed to start OPKs in a couple of days, and I’ve been charting, too. So far my temps are already a lot more regular than they normally are. Usually I’m all over the place, but so far they’ve all been between 96.8 and 97.1. I haven’t noticed any moodiness/other side effects yet, either, so that’s good. In fact, that’s really good, because tomorrow is…. drum roll, please…

******OUR ANNIVERSARY!!!!******

Really! Three years! How long is one considered a newlywed? One year? Two? Am I getting too “old-lywed” to be on the Nest? Oh no! Oh well, until they kick me off, I’m going to consider us newlyweds! Ha! I still feel like a newlywed, so doesn’t that count for something? In fact, last time we went to a hotel, the lady asked if we were on our honeymoon! :)
Yes, three years. They’ve gone fast, and yet it also seems like so much has happened in these 3 years. Troy has completed the majority of his college education, worked at 3 different jobs, lost 2 of his cousins to accidents, we’ve moved twice, bought 2 new cars, I got my current job, and went through a position change at work, seen my brother fall in love, get married, and now expect their first baby, seen my sister and her husband move closer to us and make some major life changes, seen lots of our friends get engaged and married, sang at a lot of their weddings, seen my nieces growing up before our eyes, get 2 new kitties, start trying to conceive, without success… which just about brings us to where we are now.
And yet, sometimes August 9th, 2003 doesn’t seem like so long ago. Troy and I were sooo excited to be getting married. We had been in love since we were kids, and ever since I was probably 10, I imagined myself being married to him. Mrs. Troy Budreau. I was SO excited to be married to my best friend in the whole world. We could never be together enough. Dating was great and all, and we spent every minute that we could together, but we just couldn’t wait to be Mr. & Mrs. I remember the first time that we talked about actually getting married. We had known for awhile that we were going to get married, but hadn’t really thought about when. We originally wanted to wait until Troy was done with most of his schooling. Ha! So, it was late fall of ’02, and we had been sitting in his car – he was dropping me off at home. It was a Sunday night, and we had been together most of the weekend, and I was just so tired of saying goodbye. It was tearing me up, and I started to cry. He looked at me and said, “what would you think of a wedding next summer?” It totally took me by surprise. I could hardly think, let alone respond. I started crying even more, and said, “Really?” He said yeah, that he couldn’t do this to me anymore. We were both miserable, because all we wanted was to be together, so let’s get married next summer! I said “I would LOVE that!” Fast forward a couple of months to Dec. 4th, 2002. It was a Wednesday like any other Wednesday, except that it was our 4th anniversary of officially dating. And I had completely forgotten. So I was at work, slaving away at pressing some shirts at the drycleaners that I worked at. In walks Troy, holding a rose, and me, totally not having any idea what was going on, says hi, and asks him what he’s doing here. He asked me if I wanted to go out for dinner for our anniversary. At first I didn’t think he should be taking me from work like that, but he reassured me that he had cleared it with my bosses. So he takes me home, I change quick, and he picks me up again, and takes me to the place that we had gone for dinner on our first date. After a wonderfully romantic dinner, he took my hand and said “I love you.” I had no idea what was coming, so I just said, “I love you too!” right away. Well then he got down on a knee and said, “I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life taking care of you. Will you marry me?” He opened a box with beautiful diamond that he had picked out all by himself. I said “Yes!” and he put the ring on my shaking finger (I was so flustered I gave him the wrong hand at first!)… so we kissed, and he sat down again for a few more minutes, and then we left the restaurant and called everyone we knew on the way home! I floated that night, and pretty much through the next 8 months until August 9th, despite having to finish my last semester of college, graduate, find a new job, and plan a wedding. But I managed, somehow!
So, since this is really long already, please tune in again tomorrow for the “fast forward 8 more months” – to the wedding recap! :)