Turkey Day, Survey, and other randomness that is my life

It’s been a while since I’ve updated, mostly because there’s not too much going on. I’m excited for Thanksgiving tomorrow – we’re traveling down to Chicago area to be with my grandparents, who we haven’t seen for awhile. We’re leaving tonight after Troy gets off of work and spending the night at their place so that we can be there right away in the morning to help with getting dinner ready! Then we’re leaving after lunch to come back and visit with Troy’s family a little bit. Then I have Friday off work, so even though I don’t have any plans, I’m excited to have a day to sleep in and catch up on some things around the house, and start decorating for Christmas. Maybe even do a little Christmas shopping! (do I really want to brave the crowds? We’ll see)
As far as ttc, it’s cd8 today, and nothing to report yet. Finished up the clomid yesterday so now we’re just waiting, baby dancing, hoping, and praying. :)
Now, I leave you with a survey…
1. Taco Bell, Chipotle or Baja Fresh?
Definitely Chipotle, since Taco Bell does not sit well with me… and I’ve never even heard of Baja Fresh
2. Worst police-related experience?
Wow, do I have a story. When we were engaged I got Troy a little hand-held bb gun that he had wanted, and we were going to leave to go somewhere, so he brought it with him to look at in the car. Well, he started acting like he was pointing at things and shooting at them outside the car. Can you see where this is going? Well, someone saw him doing this, and freaked out because the gun looked really real, and they thought he was going to go off on a shooting rampage or something! So they called the cops, and next thing I know my mom is calling me telling me to go to the Police Station because the County Sherriff had STOPPED BY OUR HOUSE to try and find me! I guess if they would have found us we would have been pulled over, frisked, handcuffed, the whole works. Thankfully that didn’t happen, and we got away with a little slap of our hands. Kids! :)
3. Would you track your kids with a microchip?
Um, no microchips freak me out.
4. Name a friend you have the most in common with?I’d have to say my sister. We’re pretty much at the same place in our lives right now, with both our husbands in school and not being able to get pg.5. What color are your toenails?bright pink!6. Do you know anyone in prison?
No.
7. Do you brush your hair with a comb or a brush?
Comb, most definitely!8. In your opinion, who do you think is the hottest celebrity?Oh, I don’t know. Brad Pitt is always smokin hot… not that I’m looking or anything!9. Describe yourself using three words:
Christian, wife, caring10. Favorite accent?Probably Australian – or maybe French? I don’t know.
11. Scariest movies as a child?I don’t really remember any movies as being scary when I was little. I think my mom was very careful with what we watched.12. Do you do your own laundry?Yes, all of mine and my hubby’s.
13. Favorite spot to be kissed?Lips or neck14. Shrimp or Steak?Steak, hands down15. Cubed ice or crushed ice?
Cubed. Crushed is so annoying when you’re trying to drink out of a cup and it keeps getting in the way!
16. Favorite 80's band?
Oh, I don’t know, maybe Bon Jovi?17. Gym buff, or do you think working out is over-rated?Somewhere in the middle? I love to run, but I’m not much for “working out” per se.
18. Which do you notice first, a guy's chest or arms?
Wha…?? Odd question. Probably chest first, since it’s directly under, um, HIS HEAD, where I would be looking!
19. Can you dance?Heck no.20. Favorite brand of beer?Yuck. Beer.21. Ever come close to dying?
No, although sometimes I’ve felt like it when I’m riding with Troy!22. How many things in your past do you regret?A few, but really, looking at the past with regret is a bit of a waste of time, don’t you think? You can’t change it now!
23. Have you ever felt like killing somebody?Actually? No. Figuratively? Maybe.24. Are you listening to music?
Yes, my Yahoo Launchcast station at work! Christmas music!25. Are you shy?
I am with new people. Not very good at the whole “getting to know you” phase.26. Does Hot Topic scare you?
Can I admit that I’ve never been in one? I guess that says yes, then.27. Do you shop at Hollister?Used to in High School, not at all anymore28. Do you support the war in Iraq?
Yes. Remember 9/11/01? Although, I kind of have mixed feelings about some things.29. Can you speak French?
No, unless you count the accent that I had to learn for the play that I was in my Sr year of high school. I was a French maid :)
I would love to learn, though.30. Have you ever baked cookies?
Um, yes, I make some killer chocolate chip cookies!31. Do you bake well?
Usually :)32. Do you want to move to another state?
Sometimes, but I do love WI and how we get all 4 seasons here.33. Would you shave your head for $900?
Probably not
34. Do you watch Desperate Housewives?
No. Our TV gets turned off right after Extreme Makeover Home Edition on Sundays35. Do you like planting flowers?
Hmm, well let’s see. I’d love to plant flowers IF I HAD A PLACE TO PLANT THEM!! (I can’t wait till we don’t have to rent anymore, if you couldn’t tell)
Happy Thanksgiving!

Here We Go Again

Well, it’s cd2, and I just got the okay from my Dr’s office to up my Rx to 150 mg and try it… again. I’m a little hopeful, and yet, not really. So just hope and pray the best for us, please?! :)

Busy day at work… we’ve got 7 people leaving in the next month or so (and in a company of 58 people, 7 is a lot!), and at least 6 new people coming in after that, so being in HR, that means a busy busy me. Plus I’m largely the one in charge of planning our company Christmas party, so I’ve been working on organizing committee meetings and calling caterers and all kinds of fun stuff like that. Sometimes I feel like I’m planning my wedding all over again! :) But that’s okay – I’d much rather do that than some of the other things that I do.

I’m so glad it’s almost Friday. Our Chicago plans fell through for last weekend, so we might go down there now this weekend. I asked Troy if we could make it an overnight thing, just for me, because my birthday’s coming up! So I think I twisted his arm enough last night (I didn’t really have to twist too hard:), and he’s even going to give me a bunch of spending money for while we’re down there! Aren’t birthdays great? It’s not until the 29th, but that’s okay, this way it will just be stretched out over a couple of weeks!

Ladies meeting tonight at church, and then home to do some serious cleaning, and that leaves a little time for catching up with my husband when he gets home from work!

The Easy Button

I really don’t have anything new going on, so I haven’t posted much.
As far as ttc, I’m officially just waiting for AF to come now, since today is day 30 and never ovulated. Arg. Don’t get me going. I have to call my Dr. – I think they’ll just up me to 150 mgs of Clomid, but I’m not sure. I’ll probably call this week some time.

I’m really starting to warm up to the idea of just giving up ttc and pursuing adoption seriously. Not right away, but definitely before too long. I don’t know yet for sure… there’s so much we haven’t done as far as ttc, but just the thought of dragging ourselves through month after month of NOT KNOWING whether or not all of it will lead to a baby… is not appealing to me. And as much as I would LOVE to be pregnant and have our own biological baby… I just don’t know if I want to put myself through all the heart break and uncertainty… I guess I just don’t know right now. Is it selfish to think that I don’t want to go through heart break in order to conceive? Am I just all wrong here? Cause if I am, any one of you who are farther into this than we are can just slap me upside the head and tell me to quit being so selfish/silly/naïve/whatever else you want to call me. I guess I’m just feeling so different about things than I thought I would at this point. I thought I’d be feeling even more heartbroken. Wanting our own bio baby even more. Am I frustrated? Yes, incredibly. But more heartbroken? I honestly don’t know. Every once in a while something hits me especially hard and I think that I am, but I think more than heartbreak, I’m just feeling so desperate for some sort of HOPE to cling to… or, I guess more than that, some way of KNOWING for sure that we WILL have a baby, and soon. And adoption is so appealing to me in that regard because we will have something FOR SURE to be working towards. I won’t have to worry that we will go through years and years of waiting and treatments, only to still be childless in the end. To miss out on all that time of being parents. But I’m so confused about my own feelings, because part of me feels like I should want to try harder for our own baby… to give that baby a chance.
This is SO HARD. So complicated. And why? Why does something that should be so un-complicated have to be this way? You know what I could use right now? An Easy Button. You know those Staples commercials, just hit the Easy Button? Well where’s my Easy Button when I need it?
Sure, I’d love to get pregnant!
Just hit the Easy Button!
What, you can give me a baby right now?
Just hit the Easy Button!
You know, I could really use some help making this decision about whether to continue ttc or start adoption.
Just hit the Easy Button!

Wow, wouldn’t that be nice?

Oh, I do have one other piece of news. They finished our wall! Saturday he put the finishing touches on it. It’s kind of rough – like you can tell he just whipped it up in a hurry, but at least now we have a wall, with a locking door. They actually made the wall into a bookshelf, so last night Troy and I worked on transferring a bunch of our books from one of our bookshelves that we already had over to the new one. It’s starting to look a little better, but I want to add some décor interspersed with the books to make it look a little nicer… you know, so it’s not just a bunch of stuffy old books.

So I guess this ended up being pretty long for not having anything to say. Isn’t that how it goes? It gives me a chance to think about things, and that can be dangerous! Anyways… I’d love to hear input on my thoughts from those of you who are also going through this, and have done it longer than we have. Did you feel this way too, or am I just crazy, or really different?

My Very Best Attempt at Being Cheery

Well, after my depressing post yesterday, I felt compelled to post something a little more upbeat today. Life is good, it really is, it’s just this darn, um you know, the fact that we can’t seem to make a baby, that’s getting me down sometimes. Yesterday was just a BAD day as far as that goes. I thought maybe it would get better as the day went on, but when I was waiting in line to vote, I was surrounded by cute little kids and babies, and then at the laundromat I was minding my own business and some lady decides to tell me that I should be thankful that I don’t have kids yet because she wishes she had waited longer before having them… all 3 of them. I could hardly stand it. I just didn’t say anything and got out of there as quickly as possible. What I FELT like saying was, lady, if you didn’t want to have kids, then you shouldn’t have had kids. Period. Some of us would give ANYTHING to get pregnant 3 TIMES – at ANY point in our lives. *sigh* Why can’t people just realize what a gift their children truly are? Some people do, I don’t mean to generalize like that, but it seems like the vast majority of people that can get pg without even trying don’t have ANY CLUE what a great thing it is.

Boy, I’m not doing very good at being up beat today, am I? Okay… upbeat, upbeat, upbeat… ummm, we’re going to Chicago this weekend! You know I mentioned Troy’s little model airplane selling escapade that he’s doing? He ordered a bunch of them from China, and now we have to go to Chicago to pick them up. I’m so excited! I really really like Chicago. Unfortunately it’s just a day thing (we’re only about 2 hours from Chicago), not even overnight, but that’s okay. It will be a fun day with just the 2 of us. I can’t wait to do some shopping! :)

Hope you ladies are all having a great Wednesday. 2 more days till Friday!!!

So tired of this

Still no O. And I don’t think there’s going to be one this cycle. It’s already day 23, and nothing. N-O-T-H-I-N-G. What is wrong with my body? I can’t even get an egg on medication! I’m just so sick of this already. And I feel completely powerless, because even the things that I’m trying to do to make things work aren’t working.
Not even a year and a half that we’re into this… and already I’m just ready to be done with it. I just want to have sex for the sake of having sex. I want to actually have a GOOD morning for once, instead of waiting to see those numbers spike, and it never happens, and being completely disappointed before I even get out of bed in the morning. I want to see two lines on SOMETHING. I want to feel morning sickness… a baby moving inside of me… see my husband talk to our baby in my belly… feel labor pains… be able to decide which features of our baby look like which one of us… be able to breast feed my baby naturally… and SO many more things that I want, and I’m beginning to think I’ll never have.

One by one, month by month, all the hopes and dreams I ever had of having a baby of our own are going down the drain.

Is this really happening? Can’t it all just be a really long, REALLY BAD dream? When will it end?

I’m so tired of it.

Jumping on the Bandwagon

I’m going to echo Jessica, here. In honor of National Infertility Awareness Week, I’m requesting each of you to go to RESOLVE.org (click here) and if there is no insurance coverage for infertility treatments in your state, send your representatives a letter requesting that they introduce legislation to have coverage. Then all you have to do is fill out your name, address, check a couple of boxes, and they will do all the rest for you. This may seem like a small thing, but for those of us going through it whose insurance doesn’t cover anything, it would mean a lot. Personally, I know that we would do more infertility treatments if insurance covered them. It’s a sad thought that we may not be able to have a bio baby because of money, and having insurance coverage would change that. So it actually is a pretty big deal. So take a couple of minutes to fill it out and do your good deed for the day! ;) We infertiles thank you!

Speaking of IF, still no O for me yet. I know I may have a few days to wait, but I’m getting impatient! I still haven’t had any side effects, and I guess I’m just so afraid that it’s not going to work this month either, that we’re just flushing more time and money down the toilet. Pray that my ovaries cooperate and I can at LEAST ovulate this month!!!

But I DO have some good news! They started putting our wall up last night! And he was supposed to be working on it again this morning while I’m at work, so I’m hoping that it will be a good chunk of the way done when I get home this afternoon. Also, another place opened up that might be a possibility if this wall-thing doesn’t help. It’s a house that one of the ladies-I-work-with-’s parents own. We’re going to go look at it, maybe later this week. Probably wouldn’t move until the end of December if we do, but at least we could know that something else was out there that would work out. The only thing is that it’s about 15 minutes out of town, so it would be farther for Troy to go to school. I could deal with a 15 minute commute to work, I’ve done that before, but I just don’t want to put more time-pressures on my hubby for school. But he said he didn’t think he would mind, so we’ll see what we think when we look at it. :) Keep your fingers crossed for us!