A huge long post with an update and some thoughts that have been lurking around in my head the past couple of weeks... (how's that for a title? :)

It's snowing outside - big, soft, pretty flakes that make me want to listen to Christmas carols and drink hot chocolate as we decorate our Christmas tree. I can't believe that Christmas is already less than a month away... and I'm not even worried that I haven't started shopping yet - I'm just excited that we'll be going home to see family again. How fun that will be!!
My heart is so full as I type this post - I hardly know where to start - so I guess I'll just jump right in with an update on how we're doing. My parents came to visit this last weekend - it was the first time they'd been here, and it was so good to see them and show them around our new "home" and give them a glimpse of what our lives are like now. They loved the church and were so happy to see how the people here have taken us in with open arms - and it was so good to spend time with my mom again and get lots of hugs! My mom's hugs are one of the things that I think I miss most since moving. No one else is quite like your mom, you know? So that was just wonderful.
This Thanksgiving was our very first on our own away from family - so I made my very first Turkey and all the fixin's! Thank the Lord everything turned out very well! It was so much fun - felt a little bit like playing house again. We had tons of food, so of course now we have loads of leftovers, but I'm glad we did it none-the-less. I want to start making our own traditions, you know? We realized that Thanksgiving was Troy's first full day off since moving here, so we wanted to make the most of it - and we had a wonderful, relaxing day watching the parade, eating our dinner, and then of course watching the Packers beat the Lions... that made a good day even better! It did feel a little odd that we didn't see either of our families at all (my parents got in on Friday) - since that's all we've known for holidays - but in a strange way it felt good, knowing that we're out on our own, where God wants us to be. I guess it's kind of hard to describe if you've never done it, but I don't know... it feels... fulfilling, somehow. Anyway.
The weekend before that my brother and SIL and nephew came to visit - and that was lots of fun, too - my nephew is 15 months now, and he's just as cute as ever. What a fun age! He's walking, dancing, starting to talk, and into absolutely everything - including the cats! Unfortunatley my cats weren't too crazy about him, and before the weekend was over he was "hissing" back at them when they'd hiss at him! Ha ha ha!!! It was SO cute! He'd wrinkle up his nose and make this funny sound through it... priceless!
It's funny, because as I'm sure we've all heard at one time or another, parents tell us that if we spent a weekend with their kids we'd never want our own... and yet, after last weekend, we were left wanting one even more. Seriously, who wouldn't want that added dimension to their lives? How could you not desire that? I'll never understand it.
The adoption process is coming slowly for us. We sent in the initial application and now we're working on filling out the preliminary paperwork that we're hoping to have sent in the next couple of weeks. I think it's still kind of hard for me to believe that we're actually doing this... and I don't know if that's just because we haven't really announced it yet, or because we haven't allowed ourselves to jump in headfirst yet because of everything else going on... but it really is going to happen. By the way, I don't think I ever thanked you all for your input on my last post. It is so terribly hard to decide those things... and although it's true that if we had a biological baby with down's syndrome or something like that we wouldn't be able to choose that, I think that is part of the beauty of adoption... that you GET to choose your child. And for us, what it boils down to is the fact that we are going to be in a very busy ministry - we have no doubts that starting a church from scratch is going to be a very challenging and time-consuming work, and as much as we would love to be able to take in a child with special needs, that would without a doubt pull us away from our ministry at the church. If I were married to a man that was not a pastor, and felt that we had the means to provide for a special-needs baby, I would jump at the chance because that alone would be a unique ministry in and of itself. But we're not in that place. And we already have a huge ministry in the church. So with all that being said, we're going to be very careful in choosing... we didn't eliminate all options completely, but - well, we will definitely be praying carefully about each opportunity.
Along the adoption lines... I've been feeling a little bit like... we cheated. Like somehow, even though I know for sure that this is the right thing for us, that we somehow skipped over the worst part of infertility and somehow, that makes us less worthy to start an adoption... and to have hope. Like somehow, because we didn't go through with any major medical procedures or terribly invasive tests, that maybe we didn't hurt quite as badly as some of my fellow infertiles, and because of that I don't have the right to even be called a fellow infertile. Like somehow, despite the fact that we hurt, and cried, and questioned, and felt jealousy over others' pregnancies, and the list goes on, that we didn't do those things quite as deeply as other infertiles have, and somehow, by being able to "skip over" some of that hurt and grieving process, we're cheating by turning to adoption. It's a weird, weird feeling. Because like I said, I have no doubt that adoption IS right for us, and that we're ready to move on from fertility testing and treatments, and that I HAVE grieved for the biological children that we may never have... I don't know. I can't explain it. But I can't help that I do feel that way sometimes. I guess maybe what it comes down to is that I never want to lose the sense of community with fellow infertiles, the understanding that comes only from knowing how another woman is hurting... I don't ever want to forget the lessons we've learned through our journey, and although I am ready to look forward, to embrace the role of a mother... part of me never wants to let go of who I am... as an infertile. And since we moved through the process more quickly than most, maybe that's why I'm feeling this way. I guess I have to take the word of others who are already on "the other side" when they say that it will always be a part of who you are, no matter how many children you may go on to have or what your life becomes. Time will tell. Infertility is such a strange thing, isn't it?

I feel like such a bad friend...

Lately I've been feeling like the friend who moves away and then never calls to see how you're doing or tells you how she's doing. Isn't that funny how your blog friends become real friends?You girls are my friends, and I miss it when I can't keep up with you!
Anyway - I have a question. How does one decide what is "acceptable" in a baby and what isn't? I mean, how in the world are my husband and I supposed to decide what we want to deal with as far as health problems, developmental delays, not knowing who the birthfather is, substance abuse during pregnancy, etc, etc, etc... how in the world does one decide these things? I mean, really. It's SO hard. We're working on filling out the initial paperwork, and that was one of the questions. The compassion in my heart says that I couldn't possibly turn ANY baby away - that that baby would need love just as much as a healthy one would - that everyone wants a healthy white baby and so I should leave those babies for others and take one that maybe someone else wouldn't want quite as much. But then there's the practical side of me that realizes that we don't have a whole lot of financial means to be able to provide some of the medical care that a baby like that might require... as well as not wanting to take more time away than necessary from the ministry that God has called us to here... ack - so many hard decisions. And then there's another part of my heart that would LOVE to adopt in so many other ways! There are children in the foster system that are just waiting for a forever family... there are children in orphanages in other parts of the world that need loving homes... there are embryos that will never be used for IVF that need a warm uterus :) ... seriously, I think if I could I'd have 25 kids - all from different birthmothers/fathers!

Wow.

My sister is pregnant. My fellow-infertile sister. My hasn't-been-able-to-get-pregnant-for-10-years sister. Wow.
Don't get me wrong. I'm over the moon excited for them, I mean who couldn't be? But I'm trying to figure out exactly how I feel about it. So weird. We NEVER expected it! And when I say "we" I mean my sister and I,particularly, although really, after ten years, no one expected it. Part of me wants SO badly to be there with her for every single second of this, and another part of me is so incredibly glad we're a whole state away. It's so hard to process. I mean, they were waiting for an adoption. They were happy with that. Tired of waiting for a baby, but happy. And our adopted kids were going to have fellow-adopted cousins.
Well, one thing is for sure - that God's timing IS perfect, and they - and I - are SO sure of that. I know I don't need to question Him, and I really TRULY am so incredibly excited for them, but - well, it's change. And change in this whole infertility realm comes hard most of the time.
On a happier note, we are getting geared up for an adoption of our own! I got the number for the agency over here that most of the families in our church went through who adopted, so I'm going to give them a call and get some preliminary information. We had a talk with a sweet man in our church who has a huge heart for adoption (his adopted son is one of Troy's good friends from college) - and he told us that he'd be willing to pay the application fee if we need help getting started! We DO have the money for the application fee, but seriously, we were blown away by the fact that people who we hardly even know are willing to give us hundreds of dollars towards an adoption. Just another thing that made us absolutely sure of the fact that God DOES want us to adopt. So it was really just the nudge that we needed to get going with things. I'm getting excited thinking about it. I just want to be sure that we're not pushing the timing or anything - I mean, we don't have a house yet or anything - we don't even have 2 bedrooms right now! So I don't want to be stupid and jump into something we're not ready for, but at the same time I don't want to wait around too long when we KNOW it's what God wants us to do. And WE want it too! SIIIIIGH.... (that's a big sigh, if you couldn't tell :) and it's not like we're just sitting around twiddling our thumbs here either, you know? I mean, we're really so busy that I've thought less about it since we've moved here than I did - well, probably in the last 2 years. Not that I feel the lack of a family or children any less, but I guess we've just been preoccupied with getting to figure out exactly what our place is here and it becoming home to US, let alone bringing a new baby into the mix. But you know, with every day that goes by here I think we do get a little more ready for that. And I DO want it SO badly.
One thing that I know... God IS working in all the details of our lives, and I can trust Him to do what's best for us. That's such an awesome thing!

Blog Sweet Blog

Is it possible that it's been almost a month since I've updated, and over a month that we've been here? It hardly seems like it. Unfortunately this is going to have to be a quickie post since the battery on the laptop is almost gone and Troy left the powercord at work. But I HAD to jump on here and just say hey... I miss my blog home. Things are soooo good here, but just not quite totally comfortable yet. Not that I thought they would be, but you know, I guess I'm looking forward to when they are. Sheesh, I wish I had more time. :) Maybe tomorrow.
Anyway - like I said things are good. Troy is just loving his job. They are having him preach and/or teach every Sunday, and keeping him involved in many other things - basically every aspect of being a pastor. And he's getting a lot of time to study, which he loves, so that is wonderful too.
Life has changed SO much for me. I have to admit that I am loving this whole stay-at-home-wife thing. Wish I had a couple little ones to chase around while I was here, but well, that will come. But I'm getting opportunities that I never would have imagined before. I got to substitute teach at the Christian school here - which was tons of fun, and I'm also getting so much more time to play the piano, which I am SO sad that I neglected in the past few years. I've lost so much of what I had! But hopefully I'll be able to get it back before too long. AND I'm taking violin lessons! That was a life-long dream that I'm now finally getting to pursue... wow. God is good.
I gotta run - battery's almost dead, but hopefully I can get on here again soon. Take care girls, I'm thinking of you!

*Whew!*

We're officially Michiganders! For almost a week already! The move couldn't have gone better... despite having to get up at 3:30 am on Friday to make it through Chicago before rush hour traffic hit, it was worth it and we made great time even with a couple stops. Then as soon as the lease was signed and we got our keys, we were greeted by I'd say at least a dozen people from the church to help us unload and the truck was empty in probably 45 minutes flat. Not to mention they brought us enough food and household items to last us for the next 3 months! W have so much food we didn't know where we were going to put it all! Wow - we were just completely overwhelmed! Oh, and Troy's parents were able to come with us for the weekend, so by the time they left on Sunday afternoon we had a good chunk of the unpacking done. As I sit here in the livingroom now, there are just a few boxes left sitting around me to be either put in storage or gotten rid of... the decorations are all up... the bedroom and bathroom are completely done... and I think I could probably tell you were most everything is. :) We're feeling very blessed.
They gave Troy this entire week off to get things settled here and do all the running and calling around that we need to like for car insurance, medical insurance, car licenses, bank accounts, etc, etc, etc. And it's been so nice to have this time together. We're thinking from here on out he's going to be VERY busy, so we're treasuring the time. We've discovered the glory of Meijer (we didn't have any by us before, and now there's one right down the street), and just today we found a little jewel of a mall - well actually it's a big one, but anyway, we enjoyed that for a few hours this afternoon. :) It's been fun.
Wow, what else? Sunday night we got to go over to one of the couples' houses that has adopted 2 kids and are waiting on the 3rd... so we got to grill them a little bit more about all the ins and outs of the process here. They gave us some good tips and I think it will be SO good to have several families to talk to about it. It makes me so excited to think about it.
We just LOVE the church. Every time we're there, or spend time with the people, the other pastors and their families, we just are so thankful to the Lord for bringing us here. It's just that the Spirit is SO evidently alive in this work and in the peoples' hearts... they have such a joy and excitement about serving God. Troy and I were talking about how busy all the pastors are, and yet they don't seem to be upset about it or burnt out at all, in fact, it's quite the opposite. They LOVE what they're doing. We know that we're young, and naive, and God still has SO much to teach us, but we're so excited about this opportunity. Oh, and our last Sunday at our old church was a sweet time as well. They had taken up an offering for us, and it was so obvious that they loved us and would miss us. It was a wonderful send-off.
Oh, there's so much more I'm sure I could say, but I just can't think of it all. I've been thinking about you girls and hope everyone is well... hopefully I can do a little catching up after this, and I'll try to be better about keeping up, even if I'm not on every day like I was before. Life is going to do a complete 180 for us, I think.
Life is crazy... but God is SO good!

Last day of work...

... and boy, I didn't expect it to be this hard. I'm looking forward to being done with the goodbyes.
Moving is tough. And busy.
...hopefully I'll be able to get a better update on here next week.

"their hearts... being knit together in love"

When Troy and I first got married, I really honestly thought that I loved him SO much then. Well, I did, but at the time, as you can all relate I’m sure, I had a hard time imagining being able to love someone more than I did at that moment. I heard that your love grows even more the longer you’re together, but, well, I guess I had a little bit of a hard time believing it. I didn’t understand how someone who had been married for much longer could say that they were more in love with their husband than I was with mine, when looking at us, OBVIOUSLY I loved mine more. I loved the way things were. We were giggly, couldn’t keep our hands off each other, and just… having fun.
It’s been four very full years. And we’ve had many, many ups and downs already in those four years. Not within our marriage, but together. You know, life. And there have been times when I thought my heart would explode with love for him, and other times when, frankly, I wasn’t feeling so incredibly loving towards him.
Yesterday something happened. Something between just the two of us… but it was something big. Something absolutely vital to moving forward in our relationship. See, something had happened early on in our marriage that hurt me. And I responded completely in the wrong way. I got angry, and closed myself off to him for a time. It got better with time, as all things do, but was never totally, completely resolved. So since that happened, it was like there was this unwritten, unspoken line that we just didn’t cross. And, even though I didn’t really realize it, it was hindering our relationship. Well, yesterday the line was crossed. And we talked about it. Cried about it together. Hugged, talked, and cried more. And after all was said and done, I can hardly even explain the way our hearts felt knit together. I can HONESTLY say that I’ve never felt closer to my husband. Never have I felt so much love – true love – for him. And the air was so clear between us. There was nothing to keep us at arms’ distance from each other, even though I didn’t realize that it had even been that way until after the fact. And it got me to thinking again, as I have thought before, about love, and how it works in a marriage. As I said before, I’ve heard it said that love grows with a relationship. That “I love you more every day” mentality. But is that really how it works? I mean, really. Every day, are you supposed to “feel” more love towards a person? From our relationship so far, and from what I’ve observed, there are times in a relationship when yes, things are wonderful and feel so good and everything is love and roses. But then, there are other times when that dies down a bit, and things aren’t necessarily so peachy… but after you’ve gone through a time like that, stuck it out, and looking back at it from the other side, you realize that NOW you love that person so much more than what you did before. And the feelings that come along with that are amazing. There’s kind of an ebb and flow. Not in a bad way, though. Because it might take the lower times to make the higher times that much higher. I don’t know if I’m making any sense at all, but I guess just going through this, and thinking about how absolutely perfect things feel right now, and thinking about the past, as well as wondering about the future, I’m coming to the conclusion that it’s not so much an “I love you so much more today than I did yesterday” thing, but more importantly it’s that underlying commitment that, no matter what, good times, bad times, happy times, sad times, etc etc etc, you’re going to keep loving them. Whether you feel especially like it or not.
I don’t know, maybe this is old news to someone who’s been married a lot longer. I guess it’s just that when I’ve heard other people say that their love has grown so much over the years I automatically assumed that meant that they woke up thinking “I love him so much more today than I did yesterday” – when really, that might not be the case… but when you have been together for years and years, and THEN look back at your relationship, you think, “Wow, I love him SO much more than I did back then.”
I was running this thought process past my husband, and he totally agreed with me. And he took it a step farther, and said that a lot of times, that’s how our relationship is with Christ. There are times in our lives when we feel so close to Him. Things are good, He is blessing, and we just feel like things couldn’t be better. And then we go through a tough time. And wonder, is He there? Does He care that I’m going through this? Why doesn’t it feel like He loves me right now? And then, coming out the trial, you can look back and see that He was working in such a real, obvious way the entire time, and then you learn to love and trust Him even more than you did before. It’s amazing to me that the marriage relationship is so much like my walk with God. And a lot of times, the two seem to go hand in hand, like when one relationship isn’t good, the other isn’t so good either. So much of BOTH relationships is about being selfless. Putting God first. Putting my husband’s needs/wants first. And even though so many people say that the only way to true happiness is putting yourself and your desires first, I’m finding that the more I do that, the more miserable I am.
I don’t know. I realize that there is SO much more that I have yet to learn. But my hope and prayer is that I WILL keep on learning these things. About marriage. About God. About myself. About life. And maybe, just maybe, somewhere along the way, I’ll be able to look back and say Wow, I love my God and my husband SO much more now than I did then. And in just the littlest way, that might make me feel like I was doing something right.

…
…

As for somewhat of an update… Troy saw the urologist yesterday (they knew we are moving so they got him in sooner than the original appt on the 27th – so nice), and they are going to have to run some more tests before we have any definitive answers. The Dr didn’t find anything in the exam, but he did have some elevated hormones that might indicate something - something good. So now we’re trying to decide how much we want to do now, and how much we want to just wait until we’re over there and don’t have to run the risk of doing any tests twice. Since the tests are not very fun ones, right now we’re leaning towards the idea of waiting till we’ve moved. Then we also just today started tossing around the idea of starting an adoption as soon as we can after we’ve moved, and then maybe after we had that baby, pursue fertility treatments again. So much to think about. And we’ve only got 2 weeks left here. Crazy. I couldn’t have imagined my life being this way 5 years ago. I mean, this is the stuff adults deal with. Moving. Infertiltiy. Ministry. Change. Deeper relationships. I’m not an adult, am I? Really? When did that happen?

We have an address!

...and the packing has officially commenced! I got the first two boxes packed last night! The search this weekend went very smoothly, which we were so incredibly thankful for, since we ended up arriving later than we had originally intended to. So we had a 3 1/2 hour window to find something on Saturday afternoon. Exciting, right? Well, I began to think it was going to be stressful, especially when we showed them the apartments we had found online and they didn't think that the areas that they were in were the best neighborhoods. But they did mention that they thought the apartment across the hall from their daughter and son-in-law was still available (it had just been moved out of when we were there in June)... so would we be interested in that? And of course we were, so we took a look, and liked it immediately. It's nothing fancy, just a small one bedroom apartment, but the price was beautiful (which really has a lot to do with our decision right now!), and we knew that we'd have at least one set of good neighbors. :) So we wanted to check out one other place down the street from that, and when we got there we discovered that it was very comparable in size and everything else, but was more expensive and didn't have a dishwasher (and the first one did). So Troy and I decided that we really didn't think we'd find anything else for as good a price as the first one, and since we really liked the idea of getting to know R and J better, we decided to go with it. So we filled out the application and other paperwork and yesterday the landlady called to let us know that we were approved. So, we have a home!
While we were over there this last weekend it really started to become more real to us that this was really going to happen and that, unlike that weekend, in a few weeks we wouldn't be going "home." We will BE home. It's kind of a strange feeling when you've lived in one place your entire life and are trying to grasp the idea of a completely unfamiliar place being home. It's kind of sad. And hard. All the familiarity will be gone. The comfort. The carefree lifestyle of NOT being "Pastor Troy" and "Mrs. B", but just Troy and Cherie. The closeness of family. And add to that the decision to start an adoption, and we're going to start feeling like we don't know who we are anymore! It will be strange, but good. Every time we visit the church there we just feel so very blessed by the people in it. We know that God is doing this thing in our lives, and are confident that "He who began a good work... will complete it" in us. And, you know, I have to look at the bright side and say that the convenience of shopping will be wonderful! We live in smalltown, USA right now, so the nearest Target, or even Walmart, is a good 30-35 minute drive away. When we move, we'll probaby be able to pass at least 10 Walmarts/Targets in a 30-35 minute drive from our apartment. Crazy. So that part will be fun. We're already looking forward to people coming to visit, and I'm also hoping to get in touch with a cousin of mine who lives in the area who I haven't talked to in probably at least 10 years. And of course the ministry. We are so looking forward to being able to pour ourselves into a ministry, as well as just watch, grow, and learn from the people that will be over us there. It's exciting. I'm so looking forward to seeing Troy thrive in a position like the one he will have there as well. He's been waiting almost his whole life for this opportunity, and God has been using so many things in his life to prepare him for it. I can't wait to see what He is going to do through my husband.
Aaaghh! Less than 3 weeks!

An anniversary to remember

So yesterday was #4 for Troy and I. I can hardly believe it’s been 4 years already… and yet, at the same time, SO much has happened in those 4 years that it almost seems like it’s been longer. But this anniversary was definitely a memorable one. We had our follow up appointment with the RE, and, well, basically the news wasn’t good.
My eggs are fine. If we could get them to come out of my ovaries, then we’d be good to go. They said the only problem they really found with me was that I have the insulin resistance thing going on, which is probably the cause of my hormones being out of whack. And the metformin should hopefully take care of that. So I have to keep taking that regularly and hopefully my cycles will regulate. The news about Troy wasn’t as good. He still has to see the urologist, which is set up for the 27th, but even after that, they told us that we’re probably looking at IVF to be our best/only option. Previous to yesterday's appointment, we had already decided that due to money and other reasons, we really don’t want to mess with IVF. So yesterday, on our 4th anniversary, we basically had to come to terms with the fact that we might not ever have biological children. And now you can understand why it was one that we won’t soon forget.
But strangely enough… we’re okay with it. I know it is nothing short of the grace of God that has made me able to accept this news without even shedding a tear… but even though it’s not totally sure yet, I feel like this way, after we see the urologist, we can have the closure that we need to move forward. I have no idea why God has chosen to work this way in our lives, but really, I have no doubts that God IS working through this. And I do know that I am very excited at the prospective idea of adoption, and already we’re talking about some of the many things that we will need to think about and discuss before all is said and done. We’re excited. At peace. God is good.

As for our vacation, it was wonderful. I don’t have pictures here, but hopefully next week I’ll be able to post some. We forgot our camera in Phoenix, so we ended up buying a new one in Denver because I couldn’t possibly have NOT taken pictures while we were in the mountains. It was SO beautiful. We went up to Pike’s Peak, which was absolutely amazing, and went into downtown Denver, went shopping, went to Garden of the Gods and did some hiking around there… and did a lot of relaxing, swimming, watching tv…you know, vacationy type things. It was wonderful, it really was. Just what we needed. And this afternoon we’re headed to Indiana – we’re going to meet up with some friends and stay in Ft. Wayne for the night, and then head to MI tomorrow to HOPEFULLY find a place to live. We’ll only have Saturday afternoon/evening to find a place, so I’d appreciate any prayers I can get that we will be able to find a place.

And that’s all I have time for. Duty calls… I’ve been gone from work for a week… my desk has lots of little piles that are calling me. Happy Friday ladies!

Excited!

We're only a couple days away from our vacation and I'm getting so excited! It will be so great to see Susie again! And then a few days for just the 2 of us in Denver after that! Awesome!
So sometime between now and when we leave at 4 AM on Thursday I need to:
- get my hair cut
- go tanning one more time (trying to get rid of these horrid tan lines!)
- go shopping for a wedding gift
- wrap said gift
- put the finishing touches on the game for the shower (thanks Mrs M!)
- wrap shower gift
- call my brother to see if he can pick us up from the airport next Wednesday
- book our hotel and rental car for Denver (I KNOW! Talk about last minute!)
- do laundry
- pack!
- make up some good notes to leave at work for payroll to be run while I'm gone
- get a lesson ready and teach my kids on Weds night
- make some appointments on Rent.com to look at apartments when we're in MI
Aaaggh! I just might go crazy before we leave! And to top it off, we'll be getting home late next Wednesday night, and I have to work on Thursday morning, followed by our "What's Next" appointment with the RE, then I'll work Friday morning, and Friday afternoon we'll be leaving for Michigan to try to find an apartment, and not returning home until late Sunday night! What a whirlwind! So needless to say I won't be on here much in the next week and a half or so. We'll see if maybe I can update when we're in Denver, but I'm not counting on it. And hopefully next Friday I can fill you all in on the follow up app't with the RE...

Yay, I'm so excited!

Life... as I see it right now

I'm finding that it's really hard to think about anything but our infertility lately. I don't like that. Yes, it is a huge part of who we are - right now - but... I just don't want it to dominate everything. I don't know if I'm in denial, or just that I want to be MORE than my reproductive organs at any given moment... but it's just so... consuming. There's just so many things to think about. The money... the timing/planning... the what if's... the hopes/possibilities... the tests/procedures... the ethical issues... the medications... it never ends. How could it not be consuming? But there are so many other good things that I could be focusing my energies on right now. I mean geez, I haven't even started packing for the move yet. I still have to figure out what I'm giving my best friend for her wedding next weekend. I need to find a few more things for her shower before we go. I've got a group of young girls that are in need of some positive mentoring, a class full of energetic 3-6 year olds that I get to teach once a week, just wanting love and attention, and all I can think about is my inability to conceive.

I need to find the balance in this. I need to figure out where to draw the line between being overly consumed by it, and pushing it under the rug and hoping it goes away. Well, I don't think the latter will be a problem - but I really feel like I need to figure out how much it's healthy to think about this stuff and how much I just need to let go of. There's so much more to my life - so much more that I could be doing to bring God glory right now than just focusing on myself and my lack of children. I need to find the balance. Or at least I need to stop stressing about it - I've got some nasty cold sores to show for it.

Contrary to what it may seem, I HAVE been doing a little bit more than just sitting around thinking about all this. Last night my sister and I went shopping because I'm helping throw my friend a shower when we're in Phoenix next weekend... so I'm in charge of decorations. Since my friend is Vietnamese and she's marrying a Chinese guy, we decided to go with an Asian theme. I saw this idea online and loved it:

but they were $10 apiece and I didn't have enough time to order them anyway (oh, and also keep in mind that we're flying there, and then going on vacation after that)... so we went to Michaels and I found these:only in "frost" - so they're transparent - for 79 cents apiece! So I'm going to do some groupings of a big one and a few little ones with candles and colored glass marbles in them - they look really cute! - and scatter them around on the tables and stuff. I hope it will come together okay - I also found these paper lanterns at a party store:

so I hope those bring a little more "Asian" flavor. We're going to get some Vietnamese snacks while we're out there, too... and now all that I'm missing is a game. I've been looking like crazy and nothing is jumping out at me... although I do like the idea of the bubble gum/marshmallow game that Mrs. M used. That's the one I'm leaning towards unless something else comes to me. Any other suggestions?

I hope everyone has a fabulous weekend. I'm so glad it's Friday... less than a week till vacation! Woo hoo!

Crap. Crap, crap, crap.

That's what this is. Had my HSG today - and my last blood draw for the clomid challenge test - and Troy's first SA. For one, my nightmare of a glucose-test was not for nothing - I DO have insulin problems, so I'll be starting on Metformin (for PCOS) sometime late this week or next week. Ugh. I've heard horror stories about that stuff.
The HSG went fine... after they finally let my husband come back with me. I first asked the ladies at the reception area if he could come with me, and they said no, so I was a little surprised - and preturbed. So then I asked the nurse, and she said she'd check with the Dr but it should be fine. And of course it was fine with the Dr, so the sweet little old ladies at the front desk in the radiology department just didn't know what they were talking about. So he came back when I was already on the table and held my hand the entire time - such a sweetie - and it really wasn't all that bad. It hurt, but compared to last week's nightmare, it was comparatively better. The RE even said I was tough and handled it better than most. :)
Then this afternoon the nurse called to give Troy his results from the SA.
And it's bad. Really bad. I'm just numb. This is totally NOT what we were expecting. And it sucks. He called me right after he got off the phone with the nurse, and I just cried. Because this is crap and we're going to have to do that much MORE before being able to have a baby... crying for my husband because he feels like a failure... ugh.
This is complete crap.
So now we're trying to sort through everything - feelings, plans. He's going to get tested again right away to see if it's any better - but if not he's going to have to go to the urologist - and from there, maybe even surgery. Which affects everything. The move, specifically.
I just don't know what to do. And I can't stop crying. And I feel SO bad for Troy. Ugh. Guess I'm not so tough after all.

A whole lot of infertility crap to follow

Testing yesterday really wasn't bad at all - but wasn't all that good, either. I had 4 blood draws to begin with, which was fine - I don't mind being stuck - after which I had to drink the nasty orange stuff. It went down fine - I drank it fast to get it over with, and it really wasn't all that bad.

So I had my ulrasound, and the RE said everything looked really good and healthy - ovaries, check - no cysts. Uterus, check - the only thing she asked was if I was still bleeding, and how heavy, so I told her I WAS still bleeding, and yes it was pretty heavy, but I didn't really think anything of it at the time. Then I had to wait an hour till the first post-yucky-orange-drink blood draw, which went fine, and then in the second hour wait, I started to get REALLY. BAD. CRAMPS. So after they did the second post-yucky-orange-drink blood draw, I asked for some ibuprofen or something, which they were more than happy to hook me up with. Well, as I was on my way out I stopped to ask the receptionist a question, and I started to feel SOOOO dizzy, so I kind of squatted down, just hoping not to pass out, and started to feel a little better - but they called the nurse out and she had me go lay down for a bit. She said that sometimes people "crash" after taking the sugar drink because I guess your body sometimes overcompensates for the sugar overdose with insulin. And lucky lucky me got to be one of those people. So the nurse laid me down, brought me some Sprite and graham crackers and told me to try and eat them to get some sugar back in my system. So I laid down fully expecting to start feeling better, only to start feeling worse. I ended up tossing my cookies - and laid there for another 45 minutes or so because I was feeling so crappy - the cramps were just horrible, and I was afraid to take the ibuprophen because I didn't want to put something like that in my already-upset stomach. So finally I just got tired of laying there and figured if I could just make the almost-hour drive home, I could do this laying around stuff much more comfortably there. So I got myself together and as I was leaving the RE and the nurse were there - so when I mentioned the REALLY bad cramps - they thought it was weird, and didn't know how it was related - but the RE did mention that my lining was still really thick on my uterus, which I'm sure is why she had asked about my period when she was doing the u/s. So I still have no idea what the cramps had to do with anything, but for some reason that stuff aggrevated something in me enough to make me a pretty miserable person until I finally got some sleep when I got home.

So that was it. What should have been a simple blood-draw appointment ended up being a rather unpleasant experience, to say the least. Ugh, my body just does not handle stuff well. I mean, anesthesia makes me sicker than a dog, now I know this stuff makes me sick, and if I'm in a lot of pain I'm bound to pass out or throw up. Yeah, I don't make a very good not-healthy person. Ugh. Kind of scared to see what would happen if I actually DO get pregnant some day, lol! I'll miss the whole birth because I'll be up-chucking the whole time. Fun.

So...***Warning, possbile TMI to follow!***
...when she said that about my lining still being really thick, it made me wonder if that's how it always is. Because normally my periods are super light and I don't really have any red blood, it's all just brown spotting - so even though it sucks because it lasts SO long, I really don't get rid of that much blood. Then every once in awhile - like maybe a couple times a year (which happens to be this month) I'll have a REALLY heavy period - like my body is getting rid of 6 months' worth of lining rather than just one month's. So now I'm wondering if that's another part of the problem. How do you fix that? I spoze if I'm ovulating like I should be then other things will be more likely to do what they're supposed to... like it does when I'm on clomid. It'll be interesting to see what the results show. Troy's going to be doing his testing next week, too, when I get the HSG done, so hopefully in a couple of weeks we'll have some clear-cut answers. And I'm so looking forward to that. Oh, and I'm going on clomid this month too for the "clomid challenge test" - which she told me I'd be doing, although I couldn't even tell you off hand what it's supposed to tell them. But hey, I'm not going to pass up the chance to get knocked up this month if I ovulate! ;)
***End of TMI :)***

And then when I was there for my two hour marathon glucose-testing, I saw a few other couples and ladies come in and out, and I started to think. About them. About us. About all the girls/couples I know that have been affected by infertility. And how it just sucks. It sucks that I know the hurt that they're dealing with, it sucks that they or I have to hurt at all. It sucks that we all have SO much hope, and that, unlike the cute couple that came in who had just found out they were pg with twins, some of us will never get to experience that. True, with treatment, a lot of couples finally DO get their dream, but some never do. Some go on to realize and experience the awesomeness of adoption, but some... some will always have empty arms. Some will be the aunt and uncle who spoil all of the nieces and nephews because they never had a child to call theirs. Some will always have that hole. I don't know. I know that it's all for a reason, to a certain extent. That there's sin and crap in the world that happens not because God makes it that way but because we have made it that way by all the bad stuff we've done - like the domino affect. I guess I just wish there were more I could do. To either understand why it happens so that I could comfort people, or just make it go away. Sometimes I just wish I could tug on God's ear a little bit and ask Him to make it so that not so many couples had to deal with it, like the ones that REALLY, REALLY want it. *big sigh* I don't know. I just know that I still hope that someday I'll be able to have my husband's baby - a little product of us. I know that adoption is awesome, and special, and that I will be able to love an adopted baby just as much as one that I gave birth to, and it really wouldn't be my second choice. I'm beyond that... we DO plan on adopting someday... but you know, sometimes I just can't help but desire that little boy or girl with my husband's big brown eyes.

****EDIT****
After reading this post over again, I just want to say that I didn't mean for it to be a "oh poor me" or "my life sucks" type of post. We do have SO many good things going on right now, and I'm thankful for SO much that God has blessed us with. I'm GLAD to have gotten started with the testing and although I'm not going to say it was pleasant, it wasn't horrid, so I really don't have much to complain about. Just throwing that out there for the record, because, you know, God is good - ALL the time. :)

Ugh

My period came today, which means that I will finally be able to get on with testing. Good, right? But it also means that I’m NOT pregnant… which I was so sure I wasn’t… but somehow I had allowed a little glimmer of hope sneak in. I’m almost sure I ovulated, so somewhere in there I let myself think that maybe finally God was telling us it was the right time. But no. Not yet. So now I’m feeling pretty crappy, to say the least. Trying not to cry here at my desk. I mean, I’m glad we’re going to get to test now, but seriously. How can I get excited about THAT when the alternative would have been to be pregnant? Ugh.
And I heard that a cousin of mine who’s 20 and totally not taking life seriously right now got knocked up by her boyfriend. And I know that my BIL who just got married last weekend has plans to try right away, and of course they’ll have no problems. And I wanted to give Troy the first grandbaby. That sounds totally selfish, but his brother was the first grandchild on both sides, so he has always been the favorite. And I’m not just saying that. He really is. So if Troy could have had the first great-grandchild… sigh. All these little hopes and dreams.
It just doesn’t make sense at all. I really wish I could understand the reason behind who has to suffer with infertility and who doesn’t. Because sometimes I can’t help but think that someone else could learn a whole lot more from it than I am learning. Yes, I’m learning a lot, but someone else might be able to learn that a baby is something to not take for granted – to cherish and adore and love and spend time with and cuddle and play with and sing to – not an inconvenience to be disposed of. It hurts me to even think that. And yet it happens. Sigh. Infertility sucks.
So I called the clinic and they said they’d get back to me after they looked up my file. Well I called over an hour ago – how long does it take to look up a file?? Sheesh.
So other than my day today, our weekend was good. Spent a lot of time with both sides of the family – which we’re trying squeeze in a lot of before we go. And that was about it. Troy helped his dad roof their garage on Saturday and could hardly walk on Sunday – so that was entertaining. :) Terrible, I know – really, I felt bad for him, but it was a little funny watching him hobble around like an old man. Oh, such a bad little wife I am.
Did I mention here that we booked our airline tickets for August? We opted against the road trip, although it would have been fun, and decided instead to do a 3-way flight – so from Thursday to Saturday we’ll be in Phoenix for the wedding, and then Sunday to Wednesday we’ll be in Denver. Anyone have any good suggestions as to what to do/where to go while we’re there? We’re going to rent a car I think. I know for sure we want to go to Garden of the Gods, but other than that I think we’re pretty directionless. But we’re excited. It’ll be our first time seeing the Rockies.
And by the way thanks for the suggestions on bedding – I didn’t even think to try TJ Maxx – I think I’m going to do that this week!
That's all I've got for now. I'm feeling better now that I got that out of my system and moved on to other things... it just doesn't get easier month-to-month like you think it would. Oh well, someday we'll have our family...

Stinking AF

Dang! The one stinking time I want my stinking period to come, it just stinking won't! Grr! It's stinking cycle day 28 which for me would normally, any other cycle, mean that stinking AF would be here by now. But no. It's like my stinking body knows that I'm just waiting for it to stinking come and is purposely NOT stinking cooperating. I've had stinking cramps all week, so I know it's on its way but GRR... I'm so stinking tired of waiting. I don't know if I O'd or not for sure, but I tested yesterday to make stinking sure I wasn't pregnant, and no, of course I'm stinking not. :P I'm so stinking sick of this! I just want to stinking get on with the stinking testing, already!
We were planning on going to Virginia this coming weekend to check out the seminary there with another couple-friend, but opted against it since we might need to be here for testing... which doesn't look like it's going to happen now. But we figured it was probably better that we didn't go anyway since we were doing it more out of obligation than anything else since we're obviously not going to be moving to VA to go to seminary in light of recent happenings. So - since I'm going to have a little extra vacation time, we decided to go ahead and make a trip out of the Arizona wedding in August. We're going to fly, not do the roadtrip like we were considering, but we're going to fly to Denver after the wedding and spend a few days there. Fun! I'm pretty excited about that. :) Something to look forward to for sure.
They announced my leaving/job opening at work on Monday. :( I'm really not looking forward to training someone for my job. Wish I could just pick it up and take it with me. But alas. Better things are to come! It's kind of nice to hear people say that they'll miss you too, you know? It's like people's true sentiments for you become so much more obvious when you leave someplace. Isn't that wierd? I mean, good or bad, you really have no doubt how people feel about you by their reaction to the news that you're leaving for good. It's kind of interesting. It's been good where I work - I really will miss this place. The president himself came and congratulated Troy and I personally and wanted to let me know that if I need a reference for a job over there, to not hesitate to use the bank because they'd give me a good word. Aw. How sweet. OK, I'm borderline tooting my own horn here, and I'm not trying to do that, but I guess it's just kind of nice to know that you're appreciated, you know? Anyway. Enough of that.
What else? I guess my life is pretty predictable at this point.
We've been going through closets and stuff trying to decide what to get rid of and what to keep. That's always fun.
We can't get our 1-year old cat Isi to stop peeing in the hallway. :P Thank God it's not our house. Does anyone have any tricks to get it to stop? We think she smelled a spot where a previous tenant's cat did it, and then it was like fair game. We've tried just about everything, and it's just getting worse. We may have to get rid of her. :( She has been not-so-affectionately dubbed "Whizzy."
I'm going to get together with my sister and SIL tonight! I want to do this as much as possible in the next month and a half!
We have decided on August 24th as my last day of work. Troy will probably work one more week, and we'll most likely be moving September 1st. Whew! Coming fast!
Anybody know where I can get a good deal on a new bed set? I want a new comforter and shams and bed skirt before we move but I don't want to pay an arm and a leg. I've been looking at Kohls and Bed Bath and Beyond and Linens N Things' websites. Any other suggestions?
Ooo! Ooo! I got a breadmaker yesterday at a thrift store for $3!!! And it works! So I'm going to clean it up really good tonight and start making some bread! Yes!
Hmm. Guess that's about it. :) Time to run! Chicken for supper tonight!

The weekend in pictures (and a few extras thrown in)

Well, the wedding turned out really nice. I honestly wasn't too sure to begin with because when we went to help decorate the hall on Friday morning, the other bridesmaids that were there to help were... I don't know, a little less than nice (I didn't know any of them except the bride's sister). So I wasn't really expecting it to be a whole lot of fun, but eventually they warmed up a little bit, and the bridesmaid that I stood next to ended up to be really fun, so it was good. And Troy did great! Did I mention that he did the ceremony? Well, originally he thought he was just going to be doing the challenge to the couple, but on Friday night when we got to the wedding chapel, they basically turned the whole thing over to him! So he did everything but the vows and rings, and it went really well. I was so proud of him. :) He was so nervous because for one it was his first wedding, but also because it was his brother, and if he messed anything up there was a lot more pressure, you know? But he did great.

Other than Saturday, we spent a lot of time with the family that had come for the wedding, oh, and we tried not to DIE from the heat. It was so hot! But we kept telling ourselves that at least it wasn't raining.
We didn't get a whole lot of pictures because the camera batteries died pretty early on, and I forgot to grab our extras, but we did get a few nice ones. And I plan to order some from Tim and Louisa (BIL and SIL). So here are some of the ones we did get. We went to a park after the wedding to get pictures - it's actually a kind of wildlife reserve - like acres and acres of marsh land. Anyway - here we go:

My hubs and I:

The Bride and Groom (I kind of caught them off-guard!):

The brothers (l to r: Troy, Tim [oldest], and Keith [youngest]):

Tim and Louisa with the B parents and grandparents:

The wedding party (that's me on the far left):

The girls and the groom:

Self portrait! (can you tell how hot we were? Sheesh!):

...and, that's right about where the camera died. :(

But that's about all I've got time for right now anyway - I'll leave you with a few other pictures that have been riding around in my camera for the last couple of months. :)

Troy and I on our last boat outing - fun!:

Golfing last week:

Happy Monday ladies!

Odds and Ends

Sounds like everyone had a fabulous 4th of July! We had a nice day - we did a cookout with his parents and then spent a little time with mine, and then hit the local fireworks show, which was actually really good! It was a nice relaxing day. Tuesday night we had planned to meet a friend of mine and her fiance for dinner about an hour from home, so we decided on an impulse to spend the night there since it would be late by the time we got home, and well, we just like doing impulsive one-night getaways sometimes. And since (*tears*) it's looking like we probably won't be going on the cruise in light of the move to Michigan. We're okay with it, I mean it's definitley a sacrifice we're willing to make. But it's still a bummer. So we were thinking that a few weekend getaways over the summer would have to suffice. Then today we were talking about my best friend Susie's upcoming wedding in August, and trying to decide if we wanted to bite the bullet and pay for airfare for both of us to go... and then we came up with the fabulous idea to make a road trip out of it! Ahhh! I don't know yet if it's going to happen, but I just think it would be so much fun! Crazy, but fun! So I did a whole lot of mapquesting today (yes, I've been VERY productive at work :) and came up with a possible itinerary that we're going to discuss tonight! It's like 2,000 miles one way guys! Crazy! But I really hope it works. In the grand scheme of things it will be more expensive than it would be to fly, but at least this way it would be a TRIP, not just a quick weekend. So we'll see what happens... I'll keep ya posted.

Not sure what's going on in my body the past couple of days (what else is new?). It's cd21 and I've had sore-ish boobs and some pain that could possibly (??) be ovulation, but then, I just don't really know. I haven't been temping (what's the point when it's constantly hovering around 97?) and I don't have any OPKs at the moment so I'm really in the dark - but I know for a fact that it's doing something that isn't typical, so I can hope for the best, can't I? So we've been doing it like horny little teenagers just in case, lol. :) I think I'll temp tomorrow morning to see if it's higher than usual.

I won't be around for the remainder of the week/weekend because of my BIL's wedding. Should be fun - lots of family coming, and it's supposed to be a beautiful weekend weather-wise. I'll hopefully post some pictures on Monday!

THE ANSWER IS IN!

And it looks like we’re going to Michigan! We are SO excited! They called last night to let us know that the deacons voted to bring us in… and extended the call to us. Wow. This is REALLY going to happen!

A couple of things that that we learned after talking to Pastor M last night:

-> They apparently do not want me to work. They feel that it is just as important that I be preparing for this as much as Troy is, so I won’t need to worry about looking for a job over there. They want me to work on getting as involved as I possibly can, improving my piano skills specifically so that I can use that when the new church is started.
-> Because of aforementioned lack of working, they took that into consideration when they made up the budget. It’ll still be substantially less than what we’ve gotten used to bringing in since Troy’s been done with school, but we’ll be taken care of. I don’t think they’ll let us starve. :)
-> They were again more than understanding about our infertility situation. They want us to do as much as we can to get a family started as soon as we can, and are willing to wait for us to do what we need to here before moving over there. That put our minds at ease SO much, and gave us even more peace about the entire situation. God is so good.
-> They wanted us to know that they are eager to have us come, but are also aware that we have things going on here that we need to wrap up before moving. So Troy’s going to call him back tonight with our answer (YES!) and get a time-frame worked out. It looks like it’ll probably be mid-late August. I’m thinking more on the late side of things, since we’ve got our big youth camping activity planned for mid-August, and we want to be here for that. You know, kind of the last big hurrah with the youth group.
-> I can’t believe this is actually happening! We prayed together about it last night and both felt so much peace. God is DEFINITELY the One doing this, and that gives us such assurance that it is the right thing for us. It’s such a faith-growing experience to see Him working in all the little details of our lives! We are in awe.
-> PRAY that we can find an apartment without a problem… they informed us that if worst comes to worst, we can put our things in storage and stay with them for a little while. And although that wouldn’t be HORRIBLE, well, you know. Living in another person’s house just wouldn’t exactly be ideal. Oy!
-> They’re going to pay for all of our moving expenses! One less thing to worry about!

God pointed something out to me yesterday, and I have to share it because it’s been something that I’ve been struggling with, well, for a LONG time. Basically since I knew I was going to marry Troy, which if you know our story, was quite a long time ago. Troy has felt called to be a pastor since he was a little boy. And I was thinking about this whole being a pastor’s wife thing again, and wondering why God couldn’t have called Troy to be just a deacon or regular ole’ layperson who loves to serve God while holding down a regular full-time job…you know, like most people out there. And then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I love to be comfortable in my Christian life. Yes, I love God, and I want to serve Him, I really really do. But I would be more than happy with the thought of just staying minimally involved at church and just being luke-warm in my relationship with God. And He has told us that He is not okay with that. He wants red-hot Christians. He wants me to be learning more about Him all the time, excited about serving Him and jumping at every chance to do something for Him. And being in full-time ministry is going to keep me accountable that way. Sure, I can be a Pastor’s wife and not be totally sold out for Him, but it would be WAY easier as a regular old church attend-er to be that way. And as a pastor’s wife, I will basically be getting paid to get to know God and His Word better. Of course, there’s more to the job than that, but seriously there’s so much more accountability there in the position that I will be in. It was truly a revelation for me. He knows that I need that higher accountability, because otherwise it would be WAY too easy to let my relationship with Him get stagnant. He is SO wise. Since my eyes were opened to that fact, it has been transforming for me. Before I was looking at this with great fear and trepidation, but now I am truly excited at the thought of getting to have a close walk with God and it being expected of me. I know it sounds kind of crazy, but I am so thankful that He pointed it out to me. He has been teaching us so much already just in the one month since this whole adventure started, and I am truly so excited to see what He has yet to teach us.

Michigan, here we come!

No answer yet

So you've been on pins and needles, right? I know, I know! Me too! Pastor M never called on Wednesday, so we thought that last night we'd finally get our answer. But still. no. call. Aaack! I was seriously going crazy! So Troy called him this afternoon, and come to find out the deacons weren't able to get together to vote on Wednesday... so now Sunday is the big day. But again when Troy talked to him this afternoon Pastor reiterated that he really believes that this is going to happen and he wants us to plan in that direction. So that set my mind at ease a bit. But now Sunday will be the vote, and hopefully we'll know sometime on Sunday night, but Monday for sure. Ahhh. Finally. But I'm so glad Troy called him this afternoon because now I can enjoy our weekend without jumping every time the phone rings! It's good.

So tonight we're going golfing... Saturday will be probably fishing in the morning for Troy and then we're going with my friend A and her husband and 2 adoreable kids to the zoo! Seriously I haven't been to the zoo since probably Jr High so I'm really excited! In fact I think I'm as excited about it as their 4 year old daughter! Tee hee. :) And Sunday will be church and I think that's about it as far as weekend plans go.

Pray with me that this cycle is short so we can get on with the friggin testing already!!! Thanks! ;) Have a great weekend all!

I'm having a really hard time...

…concentrating today. I keep on thinking that sometime today over in Michigan people will be voting and deciding our future for us. That’s just slightly distracting, no? Just slightly enough to drive me batty! I’m not overly nervous or anything, just anxious to know what it will be – go or stay? Such a big HUGE change for us! Ack! Gotta stop thinking about it!
***
I got to do lunch with my mom and sister yesterday – which is sadly way too uncommon considering we all live within 10 minutes of each other. We’re usually all together every weekend, at least at church if not Sunday lunch too, but it’s nice just to make a special effort to do things sometimes, you know? Especially since I MIGHT not have much longer to be able to do things like this much longer. Notice how much it’s infiltrated my thinking already??? Ay yi yi.
***
My boss said I was glowing this morning. So I let her in on the secret that I started tanning last weekend for my BIL and (almost) SIL’s wedding next weekend. Seriously people, before you judge, I didn’t want to be radioactive white in the pictures. So I was REALLY doing it for them. Ha ha. Okay maybe I just like being tan in the summer. Is that so horrible? *Wish I could say it was pregnancy glow, though. Sigh.:(*
***
It’s cd 13 and I’m FINALLY done with my period, so I’m hoping that this cycle is short so we can FINALLY get on with testing. I’ve got sick days that I might as well use up – since I might not be here to be able to bank them at the end of the year anyways… (see, there it is again!)
***
And all you creative ladies out there… what are some good ideas for decorating a dinner/dance hall for a wedding? I think we’ve got the tables pretty much taken care of, but what about like the entrance, and just the SPACE? I haven’t seen it, but I guess it’s kind of like a gym. I think they’re going to have white lights wrapped in tulle on the ceiling, but doesn’t it need something more? What would you do to make it look fancier? She’s asking me for my opinion/help, and I just am having a hard time! I don’t think cost is too much of an object – maybe I should see what they can rent??? Any ideas?
***
I’m not looking forward to training someone to take my job. :( Can’t I just pack it up and take it with me? (Oops, there’s that thought that we’re leaving again! Gotta stop that!)

She keeps going... and going... and going...

Normally when talking about having a lot of energy I would be referring to my little class of 3-6 year olds… but not today! I’ve been feeling like one of those kids the past couple of days! Since Troy has been on first shift, we’ve been getting to bed by 11:00 every night (which, for us is really early!) so I’ve been getting about 8 hours of sleep all week, and I’m loving it! I haven’t had this much natural energy since before college!

Last night I went to a Pink Shopping Bag Party… and I got an adorable pink purse! It was the first one of those parties that I’ve been to, and I really liked it – there’s really no pressure, because there isn’t a presentation or anything, it’s just a bunch of purses and jewelry out, and you just buy what you want and if you don’t want anything you leave. They have a lot of stuff like Coach and Louis Vuitton knock-offs. Kind of neat. :)

Pastor M called again last night. No, we don’t have an answer yet. We thought the deacons were voting this week, but it’s not until next week. So by later next week we should know. But according to Pastor, this IS what God wants, so He’s going to make it happen! And he was asking us specific questions last night, like what kind of cell phone plan we have (Cingular – which is what the rest of the pastoral staff is on! – one less thing we’ll have to worry about changing) and what kinds of cars we drive. Because, if you know anything at all about Michigan, you’ll know that their economy is based greatly on cars…domestic cars. So bye bye Passat. :( Not necessarily right away, but he suggested that if we move over there we might want to look into getting something GM made (their primary plant is in Warren) before too long – just being in the position that we are, since I guess it is a sensitive issue for some people over there. They also talked a little more about housing and things like that… so we’re really thinking that this IS going to happen if he’s asking details like that. Right?

And, for news on the ole’ reproductive scene… I neglected to mention yesterday that AF came last FRIDAY, so there was no way that we could have gotten in for testing on day 3, which was on Sunday. :P Which sucks, because now we’re pushed back another cycle. So we wait again on my silly body that doesn’t seem to know what it wants to do (I’m on cd8 and still going strong)… so, hopefully this will be a relatively short cycle so that we can have all of the testing done before moving. There’s so much MORE to think about now with a move in mind… change of Drs, insurance, etc, etc… as if it wasn’t complicated enough already. Hence my excitement about the adoptions! Can you blame me? ;)

This weekend won’t be TOO crazy – walking in the Relay for Life for an hour tonight with my mom and probably dinner out with Troy, an activity with the church youth group on Saturday evening, and belated Father’s Days with both sides of the family on Sunday afternoon since we were gone last weekend. Should be nice.

Maybe I’ll even start a little packing???

Finally! THE weekend recap!

Aack! My week at work has been SO busy! I’ve hardly had time to breathe, let alone think about blogging! But anyway, I’m here now, so on to the weekend recap…

Well, I just don’t quite know what to say, except that it was SO good. It really, really was. The pastor and his wife are oh, about in their early 50’s, and just instantly – like, as soon as they picked us up from the airport – made us feel welcomed and at home. The pastor’s wife hugged me and insisted that I call her by her first name, and greeted me with “Oh they were right when they said you were pretty!” How’s that for a warm welcome? She’s what I would think of as a southern belle. She’s SO outgoing and bubbly and just makes everyone feel like they’re her best friend, which I think is wonderful for a pastor’s wife. Although she’s not originally from the south, they were in Tennessee for quite a few years in a church, so she still has a little bit of a southern drawl in her voice, and she’s just… cute. I was told several times on Sunday from various ladies in the church that if there was a pastor’s wife to learn under, she would be the one. And not just because of what you see on the surface – it’s so much more than that. She is a godly woman. We didn’t talk a whole lot about what my responsibilities would be right off the bat, but they did mention that if I wanted to work, at least to begin with, that it would be fine. So it sounds like to begin with I’ll be working at least part-time, and just getting involved in the church where I can, and learning the church and what makes it tick. Because they desire for the new church that they start to have the same heart as the original church. Exciting.
Pastor M also took Troy under his wing right away and from the start it was not “what you COULD be doing” but basically “what you WILL be doing.” It was neat. So in a nutshell what they are looking for is for us (or someone) to train in their church for an undetermined amount of time, as a sort of intern, and then when the timing is right start the new church as the new pastor. No set time, just when it seems right.
And the church! I’m not being enamored or looking through rose-colored glasses or anything… the honest truth is that the church is SO warm and loving. And they are excited about serving Christ and this church-plant. It is really really neat to see. We were introduced to so many people throughout the course of the weekend that our heads were pretty much spinning every night when we went to bed! But it was ok because we WANTED to meet the people. Sunday afternoon after the morning service they held a lunch at the church for the deacons and their families and a few other families interested in being a part of the new church to give them a chance to get to know us/vice versa. So we had a little question and answer time and it’s hard to explain, but there was just such a warm spirit and good camaraderie between them and us that we couldn’t help but be excited about it. And Troy preached in the evening service, and it was received so well by the people, which was another good indicator for us. AND! I can’t forget to mention this here! 3 of the families in their church have adopted! And we got to meet and talk to all 3 of them, and we KNOW that it is absolutely from the Lord that one of the adoptive dads volunteered to take us to the airport on Monday morning – so I totally got to pick his brain about the ins and outs of it all. They actually have already adopted 2 and are in the process of the third. SO neat. Oh, and one more thing that really made us feel at ease about it all was their reaction/understanding spirits about our infertility. They ENCOURAGED us to get our testing done before we move, and they were just SO understanding and sensitive about it all. It was a huge blessing to us.
So… if you can’t tell, we’re a little excited about this opportunity. It really seems, in all of the little details that are coming together, that it is God’s will for us to go. Pastor M said that he would be calling within the week, so we’ve been waiting on pins and needles, with LOTS and LOTS of prayer! The deacons have (had?) to vote on it, but basically it sounded like after talking to Pastor about it on Sunday evening, that the vote would be more a formality. But what we really REALLY want is what God wants in all of this. So we’re excited, and would SO appreciate your prayers as we wait on an answer.
Wow, it feels like I’ve done a horrible job putting this all down, and I know I've skipped over so much, but I hope you can make some sort of sense of it all!

A Thanks, An Update, and A PS

THANKS: to all of you who said such nice, reassuring things after my post last week. Your words were so kind, and my prayer is just that this opportunity, if it should work out (and my life in general, whether this works out or not), will be all about God and what He can do through us, rather than about what I can or can’t do. I hope and pray that He will help me to keep the focus off of myself and on Him so that other people won’t see what I can do, but what an awesome God He is. This is not about me! And that alone is comforting.
UPDATE: Life is busy! Troy’s great-uncle passed away last weekend, so we were busy with family and the funeral on Sunday and Monday. Last night we had to do some shopping (read: exchange a pair of shorts that Troy didn’t try on and found out they didn’t fit – after we got home :) - such a guy!), so we were out most of the evening. Tonight is PeeWees (the class I teach on Wednesdays at church), and tomorrow is Troy’s birthday, so we’ll probably go out for dinner and maybe a movie – or whatever he decides he wants to do – tomorrow night, and then it’ll be Friday already! The big weekend is almost here. So due to above mentioned busy-ness, I think I’m going to take off work on Friday. I was planning on taking a half-day, but seriously. I just don’t think I’d be ready to go if I didn’t have the whole day, and also that way we can stay out a little later on Thursday for Troy’s b-day and not feel guilty about it. Troy talked to Pastor M and found out that we will be staying at their house all weekend (yikes!) so that should be interesting. He said they wanted to be able to spend AS MUCH time as possible with us. And talking to my friend Susie last night helped put my mind at ease. She’s such a sweetie. She just wanted to remind us that we don’t have to worry about being anything other than what we already are… to just be ourselves, and if God wants it to happen, it will happen regardless of “how we did.” It was just a really good reminder.
I haven’t updated on the ttc front for quite awhile because really there’s NOTHING going on. I’m on cd37 and I feel no closer to getting AF than I did the day after it stopped. So who knows. We were going to do all the testing this cycle, as long as we had the $$, but if I end up getting my period when we’re in Michigan, we may have to put it off again since they have to test on day 3. Really don’t want to have to do that, but well, what else can you do? It HAS been kind of nice to have this reprieve since I’m used to getting a period every 20 days or so, for 10 days at a time. Yes, my cycles suck. And now you know why I REALLY want to get pregnant – not for the baby that comes at the end, but for the relief from AF in the mean time – ha ha. :)
I don't think I'll be back on here again before the weekend, so think of me on Saturday morning as I’m sitting in someone’s house who I barely know, eating breakfast in my pajamas!
And as for the PS: Amanda, my email is cheerio1129@hotmail.com, if you could send me an invite for your blog, I’d really appreciate it. :)

Sorry about that...

I didn't mean to confuse or frustrate you ladies... I was just feeling contemplative in that last post, and basically thinking out loud, so I disabled the comments. Like I said, I'm not looking for sympathy or trying to get anyone to say good things about me... I had just been thinking a lot about that, and needed to get it out.
Thanks for caring. :)
I guess I've just been getting a little frustrated because every time I say something to someone about being nervous or something, they all just dismiss it and say I have nothing to worry about (not here, but IRL). I mean, seriously. If they would put themselves in my shoes... it's a HUGE deal, and I think the thought of being a pastor's wife would be intimidating for ANYONE, if they would stop to think about it, don't you think? Someone in that position has the opportunity to impact people for good, or in some cases not-so-good (my sister had a BAD experience with a pastor's wife, and is bitter about it to this day... and it happened over 10 years ago), and that's a lot of responsibility.
I'm not doubting our call to this in any way, shape, or form, but I'm just taking it seriously and I really want to go into it with the thought that it IS a big deal, and I CAN'T do it on my own, and I want so very badly to do a good job, with God's help.
AM I making too big a deal out of it? How would you feel?

What are your strengths?

So, you know that infamous interview question that goes something like, “What strengths do you have that you believe will help you perform this job”? Well when I chatted on the phone a couple of weeks ago with the pastor’s wife of the church we will be visiting next weekend, that happened to be one of her questions for me – not in so many words, but essentially she asked me what I view my strengths as. At the time I kind of fumbled my way through, since I really wasn’t prepared for a question like that, but ever since then, and especially the last couple of days, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about that question. I woke up thinking about it at 5:00 this morning. And so far, I’m having a bit of a hard time coming up with what I feel is an adequate answer.
What would you view as strengths in a pastor’s wife? I believe at the time she asked me I said something about being musical, enjoying teaching children, blah blah blah… but as I started thinking about it, I don’t know if it’s just Satan trying to discourage me or what, but I’m having a hard time figuring out what my strengths – as a potential pastor’s wife – really are. Really, anyone can teach a group of 3-6 year olds some Bible stories, no? And just about anyone can play the piano as well as I do, and many people can play MUCH better than I can. I love working with the teen girls in our church, but once again, can’t anyone do that? I enjoy singing – but that’s not necessarily something that you need a pastor’s wife to do either. So those are not really great wonderful strengths by any means. And I’m not being down on myself, just honest.
So what else would someone look for in a pastor’s wife?
· A good counselor? Well I really don’t feel like I am that since I’ve never even attempted to counsel someone. I am an excellent listener. But when it comes to offering advice… well, a lot of times all I can say is, “I’ll be praying for you.” Which isn’t a bad thing, but many times people are looking for a lot more than that when they go to a counselor, aren’t they?
· A great teacher? Well as far as that, like I said I can do well with little kids, but I feel like I really don’t have a whole lot to offer when it comes to women twice, even three times my age. You know? I can share with them the things that God is teaching me in His Word, but when it comes to actual life experience, I feel like the well is comparatively dry.
· Great stand-up, take-charge leadership abilities? Oh boy, let’s not even go there. I’m SOOO not a natural leader. Not that I can’t try and do better at that, but I am more of a behind-the-scenes person. Tell me what to do and I’ll do it to the very best of my ability… but when it comes to telling other people what to do… not so much.
· Outstanding organizational skills? Well, I can do enough to help keep my husband’s life going, but beyond that I’m not great. Unless I write things down, I tend to forget a lot. Once again, something I can work on, but presently not something I’m outstanding in, that’s for sure.
So what am I good at? … … … well… … … I do love people. I’m usually pretty patient. I’m forgiving. I give people the benefit of the doubt. I’m not extremely outgoing, but I can work on that, and when I do warm up to you, I’ll be a faithful friend. I can pray. And I can support my husband like no one else can, and I will fiercely stick by him no matter what until the day I die. And since going through infertility, I have a compassion for people that are hurting that I never had before. I hope and pray that God will greatly use what we’ve gone through to give us a unique perspective on children/adoption/God’s will/so many other things.
Please don’t think I’m looking for pity or any “Oh Cherie, you’ll be great” comments. I’m just being honest with how I’m feeling right now. I KNOW that God equips those who He calls. I KNOW He is able to do great things through me. I know all that. I’m just having a bit of a hard time with this right now. I can say one thing for sure, that anything that I will become or will be able to do will be COMPLETELY God’s work… because when I think about what makes a great pastor’s wife, I don’t think of myself, that’s for certain. I just don’t have a lot to offer. I just hope and pray pray pray that He will be able to take the little bit that I do have to offer and make it into something that will bring ALL the glory back to Him.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness."
–2 Corinthians 12:9

Happy Days

Well. He's finally on first shift! And we can start being a "normal" married couple for the first time in almost 4 years! So last night I got home and we decided to go to the driving range, then we did a little shopping and went grocery shopping... together! We haven't done that in a long time, and I have to say, it's SO much more enjoyable when you don't have to go alone. I'd even venture to call it fun. And easy! If he wants something, he picks it up and puts it in the cart, and vice versa. Aaah the simple joys.
SIL-to-be's shower went great on Saturday. She really enjoyed it and raked in a lot of great Pampered Chef stuff. Awesome. :) The rest of our weekend was nice too - Sunday afternoon we did some more shopping and picked up my dress for the August wedding I'm in - in Arizona. Can we say HOT??? But of course I'll do it for Susie!
We've been telling more people about the Michigan possibility. I've now told quite a few people at work... I'm just hoping it doesn't come back to bite me in the butt, since it's really a good possibility now that, even if this one doesn't work out, I won't be staying around here forever. I even had one of the tellers tell me to keep her in mind if we do move, because she wants my job. Hahaha, right? No, she was completely serious. She's pushing me out the door already! Ahhh, it's so nice to be appreciated. Oh well.
Well, off to lunch, then back for 4 more hours of back-breaking work... okay, not really. Can't imagine why anyone would want my job...

;)

How Bizarre

I’ve been having the WEIRDEST dreams the past couple of nights. I don’t know if my sleep patterns have been different because of the warmer weather or what, but for some reason, my mind is doing strange things in its subconscious state.
Last night I dreamt that I “rescued” a bird that was supposed to be stuffed… like it already had been, but I saw its eyes moving and so I took it off its stand and made it my pet. It was like the perfect pet bird – didn’t fly or eat or poop or anything – just hopped around a little bit and chirped at me. Weird.
Then I had a dream that my best friend Susie, who is getting married in August, and I were sitting on a couch at a party. She told me that she was moving to Iwo Jima after they get married. Iwo Jima? Where does my mind come up with these things? In my dream it made sense, though, because her fiancé is from Hong Kong. I know, I know, Iwo Jima is NOT in Hong Kong, but in my dream it was perfectly clear. And I was SO sad, because she was going to be even farther away than Phoenix.
How weird. Wonder if they mean anything??

Tagged

Oops! Didn’t realize I had been tagged, first by Heather and now by Sara! So here goes…

INSTRUCTIONS: Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot, like so...

1)Newlywed Bliss
2)Our Life Together
3)Life as the Mr and Mrs Plus One
4)Life is Good
5)More Than Just a Bowl of Cherries

Next select five people to tag: I think I’m about one of the last ones to do this, so if you haven’t been tagged yet, you’re it! (Rachel, I don't think you've done this one yet!)

What were you doing 10 years ago?
10 years ago I was probably getting ready for my 8th grade graduation! And getting very excited about a summer of babysitting, seeing Troy (oh, the puppy love!), and looking forward to starting high school

What were you doing 1 year ago?
Last year at this time we had just gotten back from camping with my sister and BIL for Memorial Day weekend. We were so sunburnt! Infertility-wise, I wanted to start seeing a specialist because it had been almost a year since we had gone off of bc, but we decided to wait until after Troy was done with school.

Five snacks you enjoy:
1. Pretty much anything salty! Chips and salsa or guacamole is a favorite
2. Rold Gold Honey Wheat pretzels (these are sitting on my desk right now!)
3. Raw veggies and dip (baby carrots, broccoli, and mushrooms are my fave)
4. Cheese. Yum.
5. Anything with dark chocolate in/on it!

Five songs that you know all the lyrics to:
1. Stained Glass Masquerade (Casting Crowns)
2. When You Say You Love Me (Josh Groban)
3. From This Moment On (Shania Twain)
4. Inspiration (Chicago)
5. One Headlight (Wallflowers – oh yeah, these last 2 go WAY back!)

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
1. Adopt! Like crazy!
2. Go for a few rounds of IUI and maybe IVF… maybe even with adopted embryos
3. Build a BIG house and buy a big SUV for all of our kids :)
4. Give, give, give – to our families and friends and churches and other Christian organizations
5. Go on lots of self-supported missions trips

Five bad habits:
1. Filling out silly things like this when I’m supposed to be working
2. Not exercising regularly (ditto, Sara)
3. Not answering the phone if it’s someone I don’t feel like talking to at the moment (isn’t that horrible??!)
4. Putting off doing the dishes until I absolutely HAVE to
5. Assuming the best about everyone/always giving the benefit of the doubt – sometimes this CAN be a bad thing

Five things you like doing:
1. Pretty much anything with my hubby
2. Stamping/making cute cards to give away
3. Going out in our boat (which we did yesterday! Yay!)
4. Going out for coffee with my sister
5. Traveling

Five things you would never wear again:
1. Anything neon colored
2. “NOT” shirts (remember those?!)
3. leggings (no offense to those of you who can pull it off, but personally I could never do it again!)
4. The bridesmaid dress I wore for my cousin’s wedding
5. A side-ponytail

Five favorite toys (now):
1. My digital camera
2. My telescope
3. My keyboard (piano, not computer)
4. My MP3 player – couldn’t survive a run without it!
5. My pink razr – still liking it over a year later!

************

There, now that that's over with I can get on to a little weekend update. Ours was good - I just LOVE long weekends! I think it would be just perfect to have a 3-day weekend every week. Saturday and Sunday were nothing spectacular, although we did have a bonfire with the youth group on Sunday evening. They were SO wound up... wow, we didn't realize how much a little bit of Mountain Dew and some roasted marshmallows would do! It was fun though. ;) And then yesterday we got to spend quite a bit of time with my family and took the boat out, as I said above, and it was just fabulous. I have some fun pictures but of course they're still sitting at home on the camera. Just makes me really excited about this summer, though. We just love summers! There's so much to do outside together, and we just love that. We enjoy sitting inside watching movies and stuff during the winter too, but really nothing beats being outside spending quality time together. :)
This Saturday is my SIL-to-be's bridal shower, followed by a little combined bachelor/bachelorette party at the park. Should be fun. So this week will be busy with getting everything ready for the shower. My MIL and I are the hostesses, so I hope everything goes okay! We were so focused on Troy's graduation that we didn't get the invitations out until a couple of weeks ago, so I hope we still have a good turnout.
Other than that, not too much going on this week. I finally got a reprieve from the period from Hades. Ugh. If my body is going to keep this up I'd seriously consider going on the pill, just to get a little regulation - it's THAT miserable having a period for 3/4 of a month with no reason. So hopefully it will give me a few weeks off now before starting another one. :P NOT fun. But we talked and decided to go ahead with all the testing next cycle, especially now that we don't know for sure that we're going to be around here much longer, and we'd kind of like to at least be able to do all the preliminary testing/consultations with one Dr.'s office. It's kind of complicated being in limbo right now. I'm sure there are some great RE's in Detroit, but we'd like to do a little more here as long as we have the ball rolling.
OK, I really need to get some work done. It's piling up on my desk and I've done next to nothing all day!

Posting because I feel the urge

...even though I really don't have anything to say! :) Busy week at work, but thank the Lord it's Friday and we have a 3-day weekend coming!
I'm excited for this weekend. Troy's shop is slow this week, so he's only working 10-2 today - which is AWESOME! - so we're going out for a Fish Fry tonight with the sister and BIL. Then we really don't have any other plans for the rest of the weekend, besides HOPEFULLY getting the boat out on some water on Monday. Someone was telling me about a lake around here that we've never been to, so we might just pack up a lunch and some fishing poles (for Troy, not me) and check it out. I seriously need to work on my tan! These summer weddings are coming up fast - and who wants to be white as a sheet in a bridesmaid's dress?!
We had some excitement last night with no water in the house... I had been out with my sister, and didn't get home until after 11:00, and Troy was still at work. So I go up the stairs and there's like a 5-gallon bucket of water sitting there, with all kinds of leaves and floaties in it, and a watering can. At first I thought maybe the landlords were going out of town for the weekend and wanted us to water their plants or something. But no. I get to the door and there's a note. Apparently they had some kind of water pipe problem, and the water was turned off. So yes, that meant no shower for Troy after getting home (and he gets dirty at work - he works in a steel factory - you do the math), and no shower for me in the morning before work. But get this. In the note they said, "you can use this water to wash up in the morning." !!! LOL!!! Yeah, so that was NOT going to happen. I just had to laugh, because seriously, it's always something with them. Either the water's turned off or they need us to lock the cats in the bedroom so they can work on the door or SOMETHING. So I laughed and called up my sister to see if we could come borrow their shower when Troy got home. And of course she said yes (they live all of 4 blocks away)... so we traipsed over there at midnight with all of our shower stuff and borrowed their running water. Sheesh. :) Thankfully it's back up and running already today though!
I think that's about all I've got for today. I told you I had nothing to say! ;)

Happy Memorial Day weekend!!!

The Rest of the Story

Monday, 5/14/07 – Troy receives an email from Pastor M in Warren Michigan, which reads, “Dear Troy, I wanted to meet you during the graduation festivities, but our paths did not seem to cross. David M is my son and he has recommended you to me. I would like to discuss a ministry opportunity with you. Could you please send me a phone # and an appropriate time to call? Thanks.”
So Troy replies to Pastor M’s email, gives him a phone number and good time to call.
Tuesday, 5/15/07 – Pastor M calls Troy. They talk for over 45 minutes. He tells Troy that they are looking for a person/couple to bring in and train, and work with them on starting a new church in the next 1-2 years. Pastor M asks him LOTS of questions and requests a resume.
Wednesday, 5/16/07 – Pastor M meets with deacons about Troy. They seem to like what they hear.
Thursday, 5/17/07 – Pastor M calls again, asks if Troy has finished the resume yet. Hmmm, Troy thought he would have a little longer than a DAY to finish it! But wow, this is moving right along!
Friday, 5/18/07 – Troy finishes and sends the resume, via email.
Saturday, 5/19/07 – Mrs. M calls Troy, looking for my phone number. Would I please call her back this evening, or she’ll try another time? I’m SO nervous, but I call her back, and we talk for over half an hour. Everything goes smoothly, and she seems like a VERY sweet lady.
Sunday, 5/20/07 – We sit down and talk to my parents about it after lunch. They’re excited for us, and promise to pray. After dinner we sit down and talk with our Pastor and his wife. They too are excited for us, and give us some great insight on a few things. (Troy’s parents had known for a few days already, as well as my sister and BIL)
Tuesday, 5/22/07 – Pastor M calls Troy. Would we come visit the church on Father’s Day weekend? Would Troy be willing to preach for the Sunday evening service? Would we also sing a duet for the service? Troy says he will talk to me first and let Pastor M know. Troy calls me and leaves a voicemail telling me all about it, and I call him back, trying not to hyperventilate, to let him know that that weekend is open, and we can plan on going!
Wednesday, 5/23/07 – Troy calls Pastor M to let him know we are planning to come for the weekend of June 15-17th.

And, that’s it in a nutshell.

What am I feeling? Oh boy. Aaaggghh!?!! I think sums it up pretty well. Nervous, EXCITED, a little scared… but most of all excited. It’s just crazy, because every little piece of the puzzle seems to be falling into place SO perfectly right now. This position is exactly what Troy and I were hoping and praying for, but had been told by other pastors that it didn’t exist. And yet here it is. So we’ll be going to Michigan to visit the church next month, and I’d imagine that shortly after that we will know whether it’s a go or not.
Silly me for being worried about not knowing where we were going. This has proven to me that, even if this opportunity doesn’t work out, God is going to show us where to go and what to do. I mean we didn’t even have to go out looking for this, it was literally dropped in our laps. Seems like such a God-thing. He’s already using it to work in our hearts and teach us to depend on Him even more.

SO exciting.