Wanted: A child to call mine

Dear God,
You know those cute little things You make called kids? Those sweet, curious, silly, brutally honest, sometimes naughty little creatures? Well, I want one.
I want one to love, hold close and hug and kiss until they can’t stand it anymore, to giggle with, to tuck in at night, to teach Jesus Loves Me to and do my very best to teach to grow up to love You with all of their heart, to call my very own. I want one so much my heart hurts. My empty arms ache to be filled. My home is quiet, with no sweet little child’s giggles and noises. I long to see my husband become the awesome, proud daddy that I know he will be. I long for that bond with other mothers that only they share.
And to be perfectly honest, I’m tired of waiting. I’m trying to wait patiently on Your timing, really, I am. But it’s so hard for me when I know that it would be so easy for You to just do the things that need to be done for us to have one, and yet month after month, year after year, it just doesn’t happen. You are ultimately powerful – I believe that with all of my heart. I mean, I don’t mean to sound disrespectful, but You created the entire universe, with everything in it, I KNOW it’s not too hard for You to make one little egg and one little sperm to do what they’re supposed to do. So, if You don’t mind me asking, what is the reason? SO much of me wants to know… and yet part of me thinks that even if I did know the reason, I’m not sure that it would make me feel much better. Part of me already knows that this experience is making me a stronger individual, stretching and strengthening my marriage, and helping me to relate to people who are also hurting – whether because of infertility or other reasons – and yet, that doesn’t seem to be enough for me. I want to know more. I want to see this from Your perspective. Your Word tells me to rest, to wait, that everything works out for good, that joy WILL come in the morning, that when I am overwhelmed I should cling to You… and yet for some reason, in my small, human, finite mind… that’s not enough. I want a finality – to know for sure that eventually it WILL happen for us. And I would LOVE for it to be sooner rather than later. Am I asking too much? Haven’t we waited long enough now?
I just want a little one to hold.
I love You, and I know You love me too. I’m not doubting or questioning Your love or Your wisdom for a second. Just… oh, what I’d give to see things through Your eyes.

From Your ever-devoted daughter,
Cherie

Volcanic Activity

I currently have Mt. Vesuvius existing on my face. Seriously. Yesterday I started to feel something kind of itchy burny, and within half an hour, I had the hugest cold sore you’d ever see in your life. So silly me goes to the medicine cabinet, pulls out the trusty stuff that I used on my last one, and puts it on before I go to bed thinking that by morning hopefully it would be well on its way to being gone. Well this morning, not only was it still there, but Mt. Vesuvius had erupted and was spreading death and destruction in its path. Ugh. I checked the expiration date on the stuff that I had put on it last night… and it said 8/06. Oops. So I wanted to get in to see the Dr and get something prescription, but Troy doesn’t want us to have to pay the $30 co-pay, so he got me some new stuff at Walmart this morning… we’ll see how that goes. I haven’t had one of these since college, and when I got them then it was only when I was super-stressed and overtired. So now I have no idea where this came from or why I got it since I have next to nothing as far as stress right now – but wherever it DID come from, it came with a vengeance. :P
And that’s pretty sad when a cold sore is the only thing blog-worthy that I have happening in my life recently. Well, not the only thing, but you know, life’s busy. I’m now learning accounts payable at work, so I will be even busier in about a month when I take it over completely. The lady who’s doing it full-time now is retiring – which is good since, well basically she just NEEDS to retire – but it’s been kind of messy with figuring out who’s going to take over her many responsibilities. But anyway.
My sweet friend Susie is officially engaged! So Troy and I were looking at plane tickets and we’re either going to have to seriously start saving our shekels or I might be making the trip out to Phoenix alone. I thought it would be fun to make a road trip out of it, but unfortunately Troy didn’t share my enthusiasm on that one. Especially since we’d be putting 4,000 miles on our new car in less than a week’s time. Tee hee. Sounds like an adventure to me! But… oh well, I don’t think he’s going to budge on this one. And it WOULD be a LOT of riding in the car in a very short amount of time. :)
We’re just over a month away from Troy’s graduation and our RE appointment. It’s coming fast! I’m almost through my first bottle of Shaklee vitamins already, and haven’t noticed a difference yet. My periods are still completely erratic. She said to give it at least 3 months, though, so I’m going to order some more. Which I need to do soon!
Last weekend was good, the kids seemed to really enjoy the Bible printing experience. One of them even asked if we could do it again next month – so I’d say that’s what we were hoping for!
We’re also starting to peek at houses a little bit. We were originally going to look for another place to rent… but we started thinking about timing of things, and thought that maybe – MAYBE – if the right house came along for the right price, we might be able to just buy instead of renting again. But there are a lot of variables… so for now we’re just very casually looking. I’ve gotten comments from a few people saying that it would be a good idea to just keep renting for now, so I started to have doubts about whether we should be looking at all. But Troy is very convinced that we should buy a house before long just because of going into the ministry and how things could potentially go for us… so he told me to trust him on this one, and that’s what I’m trying to do. And I know that I don’t have to worry as long as we’re trusting God to help him/us make the right decision. He’s got it all under control!

Hot Date and Other Thoughts

I'm excited. Tonight I get to go out with this really sweet, adoreable, funny, wonderful guy I know. In fact, I just KNOW he's the one! Okay, okay, so he just happens to be my husband... but still! ;) This week was Troy's spring break, so he's been able to relax a little and do some stuff that he actually enjoys. Unfortunately, though, he's still working evenings and I'm working days, so I twisted his arm enough to get him to call in to work tonight (I really didn't have to twist too hard!) and we're going to go shopping and out for dinner, since tomorrow we're going to be with the youth group almost all day long. We're taking them to a place where they print Bibles in other languages, and rely heavily on volunteer work. So we're hoping it will fun for the kids, but more importantly have a good impact on them... maybe get them thinking a little bit about something other than just having a good time. Not that there's anything wrong with just having a good time, of course, but... you know. It's just good for them to focus more on what's REALLY important sometimes. They seem to be excited about it, so it's a good start anyway! They really are a great group of kids. We just want so badly to get these kids to realize what an AWESOME thing they have in their Christianity. We know how hard it is when you grow up in a family that has always gone to church, and always "done it this way" - to have a faith that is alive and growing and exciting to you. We've been there. But we really REALLY want them to see that it's about so much more than just doing things for the sake of doing them or "because it's what's right." SO much more than that.
Well, I'm off to my hot date... wish me luck - maybe I'll even bring him home! tee hee ;)

Jumpin' Ship

Well, I'm afraid to admit that I too have had enough of this new format, and have started another blog elsewhere. I was kind of getting the itch to leave anyway, due mostly to the fact that I don't feel like I exactly fit the “newlywed” mold anymore. :) So I'm off! My new blog is: www.morethanabowlofcherries.blogspot.com
Please feel free to visit me over there! I will still be keeping up with all my girls here!

Well, here it is!

Post #1 of the new blog, that is. And what makes it, you say, "MORE than a bowl of cherries?" When I stopped to think about the title, it occured to me that maybe I wanted to go a little deeper than just the happy-go-lucky, here's-what-we're-doing-today, life-is-just-a-bowl-of-cherries type things. Because, really, sometimes life isn't just a bowl of cherries. Sometimes it is... well... the pits. And sometimes, whether things are going good or bad, I want to think about God's hand in it all, more than just what goes on at the surface. So there you have it. Life IS more than just a bowl of cherries. I only get one shot at this life, and I want to live it so that when it's almost over I can look back and have no regrets - not just float by and try to make it through the day-to-day. I want to live life to it's fullest, love God and others as deeply as I can, and be able to someday say that even if I would maybe changed a few things here and there, overall know that I gave it my best, and when I get to heaven be able to hear Him say "Well done, my good and faithful servant!"

Late weekend update and apartment hunting round 4

Here it is Wednesday already and I haven’t even done a weekend update yet! Well, you’re going to get one anyway, even though we’re almost closer to the coming weekend than the previous one. Oh well.
So last weekend WAS lots of fun… minus a few, um, “scenic routes” that we took (read: getting lost) – first to try and find the hotel and then to find it again coming from the airport after picking up my friend and her boyfriend at 5 in the morning! Unfortunately we didn’t have a map with us since we were in the new car, and I had printed off directions but we missed our first exit, so then the directions did us no good whatsoever… but oh well, it made for some fun memories! ;) So we eventually made it back to the hotel on Saturday morning and went back to sleep for a few hours, and then got up and went to lunch and the Planetarium, which I was really looking forward to… and I ended up being a bit disappointed with it, but it was still fun. Then we went to Chinatown – it was so neat! Susie’s boyfriend James is from Hong Kong (came over here when he was a freshman in high school) so he translated a few times for us, and ordered our dinner in Chinese… it was really a neat experience. Then a stop for gelato (yum!) and we were on our way home already. It went way too fast – we didn’t get to do as much shopping and spending time downtown as I would have liked to, but it was still lots of fun to see one of my best friends again and get to know her boyfriend. (soon to be fiancé?! She told me to keep August 4th open – yeah, you read that right, as in like less than 5 months from now. I know. She’s crazy. – so I would imagine it will be soon :)
Then yesterday I attempted to look into a potential new home for us… another upper duplex. I had called this guy on Monday evening, and it sounded promising – 2 bedrooms, lots of space, fireplace, porches, plenty of parking, and most important – no smokers, so I showed up yesterday to look at it… and waited, and waited and waited… and he never showed up to show me the place! I even tried calling him, and I walked around the place for a little while, hoping maybe he would come, but nothing. Honestly though it really wasn’t much of a loss since I was NOT very impressed with even the outside of the place. So I don’t think I’ll even try to get a hold of him to find out if we can still see it. But I guess it’s official that we’re apartment-hunting again. I’m so gun-shy this time around, though… with the problems that we’ve had here with the smoke and everything, I don’t want to move to another place with a whole different set of problems, you know? So I’m not too eager to move again. If we were willing to pay a little more per month, we could probably get into a place that we wouldn't have to deal with these problems, but for the money we’re willing to pay for RENT, it’s been a challenge. That’s just it, though. Our thinking is that the less we pay now, the sooner we can buy a house (what with saving more and all), and then we won’t have to deal with stupid problems like, oh you know, people smoking below us. Grr… so frustrating. So you girls that have your own homes can think of me when you’re swearing over a broken water heater, or mowing your lawn, or paying your property taxes, or doing all those things that homeowners do… I wouldn’t know! :P I'd love to be dealing with THOSE kinds of problems! At least it's been nice enough here the past couple of days to be able to open the windows and air the place out again. Yay for spring!

I can't concentrate on anything today.

So here I am. I’m actually feeling very… emotionally… frazzled. See, my friend A has come back from maternity leave, and bless her heart, her 2 kids are all she can talk about lately. Well, them, and of course her sister happens to be pregnant now also, so everything – and I’m not kidding – EVERYTHING is about babies and pregnancy. I’ll start a conversation with her about something totally work-related, and somehow she’ll bring around to, “Wouldn’t it be nice if they offered daycare here? I would love to be able to see my babies all the time!” Or if I talk about vacation, she’s reminiscing about how last year on their vacation she was just starting to fit into her maternity clothes. If I talk about something food-related, it becomes a conversation about how her sister is eating everything in sight. It doesn’t stop! And I can hardly take it anymore! What should I do? She’s a sweet girl, and I don’t want to lose my friendship with her, and I really don’t want to be a bad testimony. But honestly, I am finding myself to be more and more stressed at work, and I KNOW this is why. I can understand that she’s just a proud mommy – that’s great, but honestly, I just can’t handle it right now. Can’t she relate with me about things that I actually WANT to talk about, and don’t just have to stand there and try to act like I’m enjoying the conversation? Is that too much to ask? I am really pretty much okay with things the way they are for Troy and I right now when I don’t have to think about them non-stop, but if I am CONSTANTLY being reminded of it by someone else’s comments, I really don’t handle it so well. What do I do? It’s to the point where I’m just avoiding her when possible. Making light conversation when necessary, but keeping it short and sweet, if I can. Just to be able to cope. Any other suggestions on what you would do in my situation???
On a happier note – we got a new car! Well, new to us. It’s a VW Passat, super nice, low miles, and we got a great deal on it. Troy actually found it online, and so last night he called them to find out if they still had it, and they did so we went to Milwaukee to check it out… took it for a test drive, and we were sold. We had been thinking about getting a Jetta, but when this one showed up, we couldn’t pass it up. So that was exciting. We go pick it up tomorrow, so YAY!! Who doesn’t LOVE a new car?! And, as irony would have it, the Cavalier got a flat tire this morning. So poor Troy was late for school, but he got the spare on and it’s still drivable, thankfully.
This weekend we’re going down to Chicago! Woo hoo! My friend Susie, who moved to AZ last summer is flying in to O’Hare with her bf at like 4 AM on Saturday, so she told us if we would go down there to pick them up at the airport, they’d put us up in a hotel Friday night. So not only do I get to see one of my best friends in the world, but I get a free hotel stay with my husband and a day in Chicago out of the deal! Doesn’t get much better than that! ;) So it should end up to be a pretty good week, thankfully. I think God knew I was going to need a pick me up after dealing with A at work all week!

Survey Fun

Getting To Know Me
1. What is your full name? Cherie June (June is my mom’s middle name too)
2. What year did you graduate High School? 2001
3. Did you go to college? Yes, I graduated in May of 2003 with my Associate of Arts
4. What is your job title? Human Resources Assistant
5. Are you married or single? Very happily married
6. What state do you live in? Wisconsin
7. What kind of car do you drive? Chevy Cavalier (hopefully soon to be replaced!)
8. Do you have kids? Nope, not yet
9. How many places have you lived? 1 state, 5 different houses/apartments in the same general vicinity
10. What is your favorite type of music? I really like a wide variety of music… but it I had to pick a favorite it would probably be Christian Contemporary
11. What are your 3 favorite TV shows? Greys Anatomy, Gilmore Girls, and, well, do Friends re-runs count? :)
12. What are your 3 favorite movies of all time? Of ALL TIME? Jeez, I don’t know! Let’s see… I guess, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days… The Wedding Singer… and… um, maybe Ever After?
13. What is the last book you read? Conquering Infertility by Dr. Alice Domar
14. Who is your favorite author? I think I’d have to go with Nicholas Sparks
15. Do you have any pets? 2 cats (Allie and Isi) a puffer fish, and 2 lizards (Bo and Kermie)
16. Which do you prefer: peppermint or spearmint? Spearmint
17. What is your favorite dessert? Cheesecake – any kind
18. What is your favorite type of ethnic food? Probably Italian. Mmmm, pasta!
19. Do you cook? Yes I do – not as often as I should/would like to though.
20. What is your favorite thing to cook? My personal favorite is my Chicken Enchiladas, when I have time. During the week it’s more whatever’s fast and easy, but still relatively healthy
21. Which is better chocolate or white chocolate? How about dark? Yum!
22. What is your favorite flower? Hydrangea!
23. Do you like gold or silver? I like both, but wear gold more because my engagement/wedding ring is gold.
24. Which do you prefer high heels or flats? Heels! ;) Although I do love a good comfy pair of tennies!
25. Who is your best friend? Troy
26. How do you know the person who sent this to you? I got it from Jessica – from the Nest
27. What did you eat for breakfast this morning? Breakfast? What’s that?
28. Do you prefer your food grilled or baked? Grilled
29. What’s your favorite type of vegetable? Green beans
30. What type of exercise do you do (if any)? I love to run, but I haven’t been doing ANY of it lately… come on, spring!
31. How many siblings do you have? 3 (2 older sisters and an older brother)
32. Are your parents married or divorced? Married – for almost 37 years!
33. Where are you at right this moment? At my desk at work :P
34. Would you rather be somewhere else and if yes where? Heck yes! At home, preferably with Troy
35. Do you know how to swim? Yes, although not very well
36. Do you prefer Rollercoaster’s or Merry-Go-Rounds? Rollercoasters! WAY more fun!
37. Which is better Universal or Disney? Disney
38. What was your favorite cartoon growing up? Honestly, I can’t remember. I did love Mr. Rogers, though
39. Who was your best friend when you were little? My cousin Bethany
40. Do you remember playing the game MASH when you were younger? Oh my goodness! That game was great!
41. Who was your first love? Troy
42. How old were you when you got your first real kiss? 16
43. What was his/her name? Troy
44. What is the first thing you notice about someone? Hmm, probably general facial features
45. What qualities would make you dislike someone? Talking constantly about themselves without caring to hear what you have to say. Grr.
46. What is your favorite day of the year (holiday or not)? Christmas!
47. Do you believe in God? Absolutely
48. Do you go to church? Yes
49. What is one thing that most people wouldn’t know about you? In the blogging community? Um, probably that I was a naughty girl in Jr High! Really! And outside that blogging community? That I am infertile. We haven’t told many people yet, although I am starting to try to be more open about it.
50. What 4 words would you use to describe yourself? Devoted wife/friend. Committed Christian. (I know, I know, that’s 5 words. Oh well)