I feel like such a bad friend...

Lately I've been feeling like the friend who moves away and then never calls to see how you're doing or tells you how she's doing. Isn't that funny how your blog friends become real friends?You girls are my friends, and I miss it when I can't keep up with you!
Anyway - I have a question. How does one decide what is "acceptable" in a baby and what isn't? I mean, how in the world are my husband and I supposed to decide what we want to deal with as far as health problems, developmental delays, not knowing who the birthfather is, substance abuse during pregnancy, etc, etc, etc... how in the world does one decide these things? I mean, really. It's SO hard. We're working on filling out the initial paperwork, and that was one of the questions. The compassion in my heart says that I couldn't possibly turn ANY baby away - that that baby would need love just as much as a healthy one would - that everyone wants a healthy white baby and so I should leave those babies for others and take one that maybe someone else wouldn't want quite as much. But then there's the practical side of me that realizes that we don't have a whole lot of financial means to be able to provide some of the medical care that a baby like that might require... as well as not wanting to take more time away than necessary from the ministry that God has called us to here... ack - so many hard decisions. And then there's another part of my heart that would LOVE to adopt in so many other ways! There are children in the foster system that are just waiting for a forever family... there are children in orphanages in other parts of the world that need loving homes... there are embryos that will never be used for IVF that need a warm uterus :) ... seriously, I think if I could I'd have 25 kids - all from different birthmothers/fathers!

Wow.

My sister is pregnant. My fellow-infertile sister. My hasn't-been-able-to-get-pregnant-for-10-years sister. Wow.
Don't get me wrong. I'm over the moon excited for them, I mean who couldn't be? But I'm trying to figure out exactly how I feel about it. So weird. We NEVER expected it! And when I say "we" I mean my sister and I,particularly, although really, after ten years, no one expected it. Part of me wants SO badly to be there with her for every single second of this, and another part of me is so incredibly glad we're a whole state away. It's so hard to process. I mean, they were waiting for an adoption. They were happy with that. Tired of waiting for a baby, but happy. And our adopted kids were going to have fellow-adopted cousins.
Well, one thing is for sure - that God's timing IS perfect, and they - and I - are SO sure of that. I know I don't need to question Him, and I really TRULY am so incredibly excited for them, but - well, it's change. And change in this whole infertility realm comes hard most of the time.
On a happier note, we are getting geared up for an adoption of our own! I got the number for the agency over here that most of the families in our church went through who adopted, so I'm going to give them a call and get some preliminary information. We had a talk with a sweet man in our church who has a huge heart for adoption (his adopted son is one of Troy's good friends from college) - and he told us that he'd be willing to pay the application fee if we need help getting started! We DO have the money for the application fee, but seriously, we were blown away by the fact that people who we hardly even know are willing to give us hundreds of dollars towards an adoption. Just another thing that made us absolutely sure of the fact that God DOES want us to adopt. So it was really just the nudge that we needed to get going with things. I'm getting excited thinking about it. I just want to be sure that we're not pushing the timing or anything - I mean, we don't have a house yet or anything - we don't even have 2 bedrooms right now! So I don't want to be stupid and jump into something we're not ready for, but at the same time I don't want to wait around too long when we KNOW it's what God wants us to do. And WE want it too! SIIIIIGH.... (that's a big sigh, if you couldn't tell :) and it's not like we're just sitting around twiddling our thumbs here either, you know? I mean, we're really so busy that I've thought less about it since we've moved here than I did - well, probably in the last 2 years. Not that I feel the lack of a family or children any less, but I guess we've just been preoccupied with getting to figure out exactly what our place is here and it becoming home to US, let alone bringing a new baby into the mix. But you know, with every day that goes by here I think we do get a little more ready for that. And I DO want it SO badly.
One thing that I know... God IS working in all the details of our lives, and I can trust Him to do what's best for us. That's such an awesome thing!