I'm alive. Kicking, even. :)
And I DO miss you girls... and I miss this outlet. So here I am, making another feeble attempt to check in on you all, my friends and comrades that helped me get through some of those dark days a few years ago... oh, how I don't miss those days! It's amazing to go back and read through the old posts, remembering the thoughts - feelings - frustrations - hopes - everything we were feeling... and think about how those have impacted who we are today.
We celebrated seven years of wedded bliss yesterday. Seven years! Isn't it old people that have been married that long? Funny how one's perspective changes... when you are leading a church full of people your parents' and grandparents' age that look at you like "the kids," suddenly getting a little older doesn't seem so bad! Seven years. As I contemplated what all has happened in these past seven years, how our relationship has changed and grown, where we've come, what we've experienced, what we're still waiting on and what we've achieved, I just have to smile. It's not a smile that doesn't know pain... I smile because it's amazing to me to think that what we've been through in the past, and being in the place that we are today has given me such a deep appreciation for Who God is... and developed a trust in Him that I may have never otherwise had. To know that God's plans are SO much different than my own, and even if I don't know if I'll ever understand His timeline, I know that I can trust Him with it because He is SO much more infinitely wise than I am. I truly believe that even if things in life don't go the way I think they will.... it's okay. It's okay because I don't have to be in control of my life. It's okay because I know that God loves me and will always do what is BEST for me - whether it seems like it in my eyes or not.
We are still waiting for baby #1, and it's okay. It's okay, because we are living right now for the job that God has given us to do... His church, His people - and we are able to serve Him in a way that we never would have been able to with the (wonderful) distraction of children. He has shown us His grace, over and over and over again, and the moment I am even tempted to give in to discouragement, He reminds me through some small or big way that He hasn't forgotten about me. Does it still hurt sometimes? Yes. Badly. But I'm learning, ever so slowly, that even when I hurt, that if in some small way my not having children yet brings me closer to Christ - makes me more like Him - points others to Him through my life - then I am okay with it. Even more than that, I can thank Him for it, rejoice in it, and tell Him that if He NEVER chooses to bless us with children, that's okay. Because my only other option is to get angry at Him, and I have seen the effects of an angry, bitter heart, and they are not pretty - it's a poison that effects everything else in life. Anger is not an option, and the moment I even sense it creeping in I've tried to kick it right back out.
So, in a nutshell, that's where I am in life. I can't help the fact that God is so intertwined in where I'm at... because, of all the things we've learned and done in the past seven years, He is the glue that holds it all together.
I could go on about the other details of our lives... the church (amazing!), my job (eh), my family (crazy), our dog (so sweet!), the house hunt (offered and waiting), upcoming vacation (exciting)... but I'll save those for another day.
Thanks for checking in on me, friends. I do still plan to pop in now and then. :)
Life is good. God is great.
