Fun with a UTI

Yeah, fun times here. Honestly, both my sisters always complained about them, but I thought I was the lucky one to not get any since I somehow made it through the first couple years of our marriage without one. Well, then one lovely day I came down with one, and ever since then, it seems like I have one every couple of months. Grrrr… So needless to say, I’ve got one right now, and it’s not pleasant! I’ve been guzzling water like a horse just so I can try and flush it out of my system before it gets any worse. I seriously didn’t want to come to work today. But, like a good little employee, I filled up my cup with water, and out the door I went. I don’t know how much good I’ve been to them today between running the bathroom every 10 minutes and running to the drinking fountain to fill my cup back up. I’ve already had my day’s 64 ounces, and it’s only 1:15! I’m desperately hoping it goes away on its own, though, because my Dr’s office said that if the symptoms came back I should get in to see my Dr. L Not my idea of a fun time! I’ll have to run to the store after work and get some cranberry juice – that’s supposed to help, or so I hear.

Anyways – there’s life beyond UTIs! This weekend should be nice – not too much going on besides me working tomorrow morning. Troy’s finals were this week, and he has a couple more on Monday, so I’m sure he’ll want to be studying, so we probably won’t do anything too exciting. I have to find something for my sis and BIL – it’s their 9 year anniversary on Sunday! Wow – makes me wonder where we’ll be at when we’re at 9 years. I know for a fact that my sister never would have imagined herself here 9 years ago. I guess that’s the excitement of life, though, you just never know what’s going to happen next!

Speaking of not knowing what will happen next, we’re waiting to hear back from the Dr. about the blood tests… kinda nervous, but I don’t know why. Not like my being nervous is going to help anything! Oh well.

I gotta run. Work to do! Yay for Friday!

"Don't worry, I'll get you knocked up!"

Those were Troy’s exact words when I filled him in on the Dr’s appt last week. My husband is the typical “fixer” – if something is wrong, I’ll fix it. So why should our fertility be any different? We’ll see if he can fix this. It’s not quite the same as changing the brakes on the car! J The appointment went basically as I expected, and I’m going back for some blood tests on Thursday. So basically we’re waiting to see what those say. Like I thought, she thinks that it may be PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome), due to some of my symptoms, and the fact that my sister has it, and the fact that I had some signs of it back in high school when they did some blood tests when I went in to see her for irregular periods. (yeah, way back then, but of course at the time they just told me not to worry about it because I was young, skinny, and very active in sports, and if I wanted I could go on the pill to regulate things) If it really is PCOS, I’m a little encouraged, because I’ve been talking to a friend who has it, and it really sounds like they’re getting more of a handle on how to treat it. There’s this stuff called Glucophage that’s actually used to treat diabetics (PCOS has something to do with insulin levels being off) – which really seems to be helping a lot of women with PCOS to regulate their cycles and start ovulating. My Dr. mentioned that right away, so that was encouraging that she didn’t just try to push either going back on the pill or going on Clomid right away at me. She understands where we’re at with wanting a baby, but not wanting to pursue too much at this point with Troy still in school. I have to pick an OB/GYN because my Dr. is general practice, so I’m kinda nervous about that. I hope that I can find a good one, that’s on top of things when it comes to fertility. Is it better to have someone who has only been practicing a couple of years, so is going to probably know more of the newer treatments, or someone who has more experience, and has seen all different cases? I don’t know. .

Troy only has a couple days left till the end of the semester! YAAAAY! He’s so looking forward to being done. He’s taking a summer school class, but that’s not nearly as stressful as the rest of the semester. We’re both so ready to be done with this semester. He’s been so tired the past couple of weeks – it’s only God’s grace and strength that’s keeping him going! I honestly don’t know how he does it – but he manages, and does really well on top of everything. I have so much respect for him – not just for being able to handle everything so well, but the longer he’s in school, the more he is learning, and just becoming so wise! It’s really amazing to see him growing. I’m so thankful for him, and for this time that we have to learn – about each other, about life in general, about our God. He is so good to us, despite my occasional questions about why things are the way they are. He knows what He’s doing, and I just have to always remember that, and trust that because of that, I don’t have to worry about the “whys.”

Brrr!

Well, it’s Friday! …and I soooo do not feel like focusing at work. Unfortunately, I have to work till 6 tonight. But fortunately, I think the time will go fast, as long as I can make it till 1. I have a Dr’s appt. at 1:15, so I’m just going to do that over my lunch break and so that should take up at least an hour or so. Then, thanks to Community Banking Month, I get to help hand out goodies from 3:30-4:30 today, so that will be fun. J Our bank is quickly becoming known as the bank with the cookies!! We give them out almost every Friday. It’s great – and it makes the bank smell so delicious because they make them here. Yummmm – I’ll probably end up eating almost as many as I hand out!
I am absolutely FREEZING today – the a/c had not been working in the upper level where my desk is, which was fine with me, because I love being warm. But yesterday they called a guy in to fix it, and today it’s working….too well in my opinion! I can’t wait to go outside and get warm! I just hate being cold inside when it’s hot out. One of my pet peeves, I guess – I mean, if I wanted to be cold all the time, I’d move to Alaska for crying out loud! Oh well. I don’t think I have anyone to take it up with, so I’ll just suffer! J
I am so looking forward to this weekend! We’re not doing anything especially spectacular, but when Troy’s in school and we’re on opposite schedules, we just treasure our weekends because it’s really the most we get to see each other all week. Troy’s grandparents are in town this weekend, so we’ll probably visit with them a little bit tomorrow, and then we’ll probably go to the mall and do a little shopping, or at least looking! Then my sister and BIL and cousin and her fiancé and Troy and I are all getting together for supper, so that should be fun. Then church on Sunday, and homework for Troy, and before we know it, it’ll be Monday again. But I’m not going to think about that yet!
As for the aforementioned Dr’s appt – today is day 67 of my “cycle” – so I’m going in to see what they can do for me. I’ve never gone this long between periods, so I’m kinda curious to see what they’ll have to say. I’m not sure as of yet what all we want to pursue with Troy still in school, but I think I’d at least like a diagnosis if they can give me one, and then go from there. I have my suspicions that I have at least slight PCOS. We’ll see. I was a little annoyed when I called the Dr’s office to make the appt. and after I explained the problem, they asked if I had taken a pregnancy test. Duh! If only it were that easy! So we’ll see how this goes. I’m a little nervous about it.
Anyway – I better get at least a little work done today! Happy Friday!

Whew! What a weekend!

Well, today feels like Monday to me because I didn't work yesterday. Troy was sooo sick over the weekend. In fact, he's still at home on the couch, hopefully sleeping. He caught some kind of bug, and ever since Sunday morning he's been running to the bathroom it seems like every 10 minutes. Poor guy. He was up so much Sunday night that neither of us got much sleep at all, so I took the day off yesterday to catch up. I so wish there was more I could do to help him feel better. It's been a bit frustrating, though because he's just not himself, which in other words means he's just plain cranky. :o} He's usually the most upbeat, happy-go-lucky guy in the world, but when he's down, he's really down. And I feel terrible for getting frustrated with him when he's sick - I mean, he's SICK for crying out loud! Give the guy a break, Cherie! But I think it's sort of a natural response to get annoyed when someone snaps at you, isn't it? I'm just hoping tonight will be a little better. He seemed a little bit better this afternoon when I went home for my lunch break - he would at least smile at me! I'm just hoping and praying I don't get it. It was hard enough watching him go through it! There are some things I just don't enjoy sharing with him. :o)
On to bigger and better things - we've decided that next school year he's only going to work part-time! This was a big step for us - Troy's been in school practically all of our married life, and working full-time through every little bit of it. So when he found out he has to take 18 credits next semester in order to graduate next May (he's only been taking 12-14 credits up until this point), we started considering the idea of him not working so much. It took a little convincing, because at first he felt like he really should be working full-time, but I think I've twisted his arm enough to realize that it really would be best for him not to be working full-time. ;) So I'm REALLY looking forward to having him home more in the evenings. People have been telling us all along that working opposite shifts and hardly getting to see each other all week long is actually a blessing in disguise, but most of these are all people that have never done it! The people that have actually done it say that it was really hard and they wouldn't want to do it again. I know some people manage to do it their whole married lives, but I personally was not built to be happy that way. I married my husband so I could see him more, not less!
In baby news, Amanda (preggo work friend) got flowers from her parents at work yesterday, so everyone else at work found out. I'm pretty glad I wasn't here for that. I'm fine now that I'm past the initial surprise of finding out, but I think that it might have been a little hard to hear all those “Aaaaawwwww... Congratulations!!!”'s.
Anyway - better wrap this book up. Work's done in 10 minutes!

Why?

I've always considered myself to be a pretty stable person - not one to question why things happen the way they do - I just take things with a grain of salt, say that's just the way God wants it to be, and deal. Well, ever since I went off birth control last August, I've been dealing with the fact that I'm not exactly the most fertile girl in the world. This was kind of expected, because my sister has PCOS, and has not been able to conceive for over 8 years. I've had similiar problems to hers, although nothing's ever been diagnosed, so I wasn't expecting to be an extremely fertile-myrtle. Well, since Troy's in school, we haven't taken the time or effort to pursue any infertility treatment as of yet. I feel like he has enough stress in his life right now - between working full-time, school full-time, being the youth leader and involved in lots of other things at church, not to mention having time for me, friends, family, and his many interests - without having to deal with me freaking out about fertility. I've been dealing ok with everything for the most part, but occassionally, something happens, or someone says something that really gets to me, and I 'get in a funk' as Troy would say. One of those times was in December when my brother and his wife - who just got married in July - announced that they were pregnant. Another one was today.
So I get to work and my good friend Amanda and I were chatting about our weekends, when she casually mentions that the shirt she got when they went shopping might have to be taken back. I just looked at her. I didn't know exactly what she was referring to at first, or maybe I just was hoping she wasn't referring to what I thought she was referring to. Well, sure enough. She's gotten 2 BFP's since Saturday night.
What do I do with this information? Of course, the good friend in me smiles and says I'm happy for her, which I genuinely am. But the part of me that wants sooo badly for it to be my turn goes into “funk mode.” All I want to do is go home and try to forget about the fact that I so obviously can't conceive; talk to someone who understands how I feel when I don't feel like talking with her about her pregnancy symptoms; cry about the fact that I don't know if I'll ever have a baby that has my husband's eyes and my freckles. I guess it just makes it even worse that this is only the second month they've been trying - and she did get pregnant last month, too, but it was a chemical pregnancy. How is it possible to be that fertile? I can't even imagine it. Another thought hit me yesterday, too, that all the couples that we are close to that got married the same summer as us now have babies.
I just can't help but question the reasons. People like my husband and I, who've wanted and talked about having kids ever since before we were engaged, and can't get pregnant for anything. I know that God has a reason for everything, and I know that His timing is perfect, and I know that it's not my place to question Him... but today I guess I just want to. When I see people who don't even want children have them with no problems, I want to know why they are allowed to have them when they won't appreciate them like I would. Why does it have to be that way? I want to know why some people never have to wait and never learn to appreciate the miracle that it takes to simply conceive. I want to know why people who neglect or overindulge their children, or don't raise them to know the truth about Jesus and teach them about Him, are allowed to have the wonderful experience of being parents, when I can't. Why?
*sigh*
And I'll never know. It is comforting to a certain extent to know that we haven't pursued anything yet, and I may still be able to have children some day.
I know that God does have a reason. I'm thankful that my faith is stronger than my doubt. I don't have any idea why He works the way He does. I may never know. But I know that He loves me more than I can imagine, and He won't allow me to go through anything I can't handle. I'm human - sometimes I can't help but hurt and wonder why things are the way they are. But He knows exactly how I'm feeling, and all I need to do is rest in the concrete fact that He will do what is best for me, even if I don't understand it. Now... I just have to remember that, and live it.